The joys of a mother and daughter relationship, for centuries back this complicated relationship has effected the communication between Mom and daughter. Many Moms will get a clue that they are in for a wild ride in that one moment they see the insecurities of their own self deep within the eyes of their teen daughter. Regardless of whether you purposely pushed those insecurities onto your teen daughter or not, it happens. The relationship of a mother and daughter is both a beautiful and explosive. Something about the teen daughter who doesn’t think her mother understands her when reality is that Mom completely understands her daughter.
The Mom & Daughter Disconnect
The disconnect that occurs between a teen daughter and her mother can be heart wrenching, it’s a time when Mom starts to walk on egg shells for fear of an explosive response. This time of raising teen daughter’s also brings on new challenges, the daughter now starts to recognize her flaws and if you hadn’t boosted that self-esteem beyond the stars before now, it’s going to be an extremely difficult ride during the teen years. The best thing to do is hold onto to your tail feathers and work towards using the below tips to effectively communicate with your teen daughter.
Clean the Parenting Slate
All too often Mom’s carry this weight of guilt from past decisions that could have been made better. It’s all too common, after all this parenting gig didn’t come with an owner’s manual. Learn to let go of all past decisions gone bad and clean the slate within your mind.
Why? This helps to ensure you are not trudging up old moments with your teen daughter, thus making her shut down because she feels as if you have a grudge for moments past.
Listen Respectfully to your Teen Daughter
There’s nothing harder to do as a mom than to let go of our lecturing side when our teen daughter is in tears or explosively angry at a situation. You want to nurture her, protect her and go fight the bad guys! Stop lecturing; stop trying to fix your teen daughter’s problems. Learn to listen respectfully to her.
Why? This helps to deter the all too familiar teen daughter shut down mode. If your teen daughter trusts they can confide in you with emotions on high and you will simply listen respectfully, they will open up more often to you.
Hold off Your Emotions with Your Teen Daughter
All moms are guilty of turning into this Mama Bear once their teen daughter shows signs of being extremely sad, angered or hurt. This is a natural motherly instinct, but hold off on your emotional response with your teen daughter. Remain calm, listen to her fully and then respond without lecture.
Why? This helps to not fuel your teen daughter’s high emotions at this moment. Remember you are the example in this moment and must exhibit the proper responses so she learns how to work through conflict resolution on her own.
Share your own Teen Girl Stories
There’s nothing wrong with a little bonding between mom and teen daughter. Share some of your own teen girl stories from these years. This is a great way to show your teen daughter that her moment will pass, that you went through similar circumstances and look where you are at. Taking the time to share real life teen stories from your past will help your teen daughter not feel so isolated.
Why? This helps to build trust and allows your mother and daughter relationship to strengthen. During the teen years it’s all too easy to break the bond between mother and daughter. Sharing personal stories will help solidify the bond you had when she was younger.
Are you raising a teen daughter? What methods work to effectively communicate to your teen daughter?
12 thoughts on “How to Effectively Communicate with your Teen Daughter”
Most of the time they just want you to listen and understand them. Most parents react harshly and that’s the reason teens would rather not open up. These are very good tips!
I’m not raising a teen girl, but I’ve had 3 step-daughters, 2 step-sons, and 2 boys of my own (who are now grown). I can honestly say that your tips work for boys, too
For me, it was all about my mom being clear with me. Being a teenager is hard… so I was glad she put the time in to listen and hear me.
My daughter graduates at the end of this new school year coming up. It’s been a long hard haul, but thankfully we’re seeing the (school) finish line. She’s amazing and beautiful and talented, but she is also a mess right now. A bundle of insecurities and testing me so hard at every turn. It’s like a battleground many days and I think it’s hard to be a teen, and hard to be a mom of a teen, but so very worth it. Every age is a good age too.
This is really worth reading and have a smart tips! When I was a teen, my mom used to be as my listener, she’s really understanding but she makes me correct all the time and still good listener.
I remember my teen years vividly. All I wanted to do was have my mom listen. She rarely ‘heard’ me and was more focused on lecturing me, criticizing me, and would frequently blow of what was happening in my life as insignificant. Which, a supposed friend spreading a rumor at the time was the end of the world to me and my mom laughed it off and said “wait until you have real problems.” As a parent myself now, I try really hard to listen to my kids and validate their feelings – as much as I want to laugh when my 5yo daughter tells me I am ruining her life by not buying princess Elsa underwear. These are all really good tips for any age. We use a parenting thing called “the bubble” … I’ll find the link and send it to you
That’s so true, at any age. They just want you to listen. To hear them. To know that they can confide in you about ANything (good or bad). I somehow managed to get that connection with all 3 kids and I am not 100% sure “how” I did it. Guess I Was just being who I am and what I felt I needed as a child, and don’t feel I received.
Great post! I am not raising teen daughters YET…but I’m getting ready to give birth to twin girls. My time draws nigh LOL
This is good advice. There’s nothing better than learning from other parents who’ve “been there, done that”… my daughter is almost at this stage, but I have a few more years. 🙂
I don’t have teen daughters, but that is great advice. I think listening to their daughters will help moms navigate this potentially rocky stage.
Such a great reading! I’m so glad that you share this with us. I don’t have a daughter and I think it’s more helpful to my sister that have 3 daughters.
I think it is important to make it relatable and real for sure. liStening is so important.