Doesn’t Matter the Label, Just Matters That I am Mom

The label that my middle child receives down the road as we venture into the path of a possible new diagnosis really doesn’t matter to me. Aj’s Dad and I have been raising the same boy for the past seven years so whatever label is placed upon our son really doesn’t matter as it pertains to anything other than giving us something to research better. You see, no one lives our life. No one outside of our home has experienced the real Aj.

With no medication interfering with Aj in any way positive nor negative, the school is starting to get a glimpse into what our world has been like for years with Aj. He’s either withdrawn and down or hyper and happy. This is why there is certainly a mood aspect to our son but there is also this other side of Aj where he shows anxiety, he is anxious about new things and anxious that life needs go to a certain way. Then there is that routine driven side of Aj and that mentality that once he has it in his head something is correct, there is no talking him out of it.

There is the side to Aj where you could tell him the sky is blue and if he is convinced at that day and time that the sky is purple, then the sky is purple. It’s that simple for Aj. Aj is a complex child yet also very simple. The real world rules don’t necessarily apply to our sweet Aj, he is unique and in some ways unique is a great thing while in other ways unique can get into the way of a public school child. Aj is starting to show me signs of concern in the public school environment, I wonder if he will ever make real friends, real long term friends. I wonder if Aj will ever have a life that is one that people classify as normal.

Then I realize … those wonders are my anxiety kicking in. As I watch Aj suffer with some anxiety symptoms, I notice my generalized anxiety disorder starts to chime in. It’s this emotional connection that Aj’s counselor has advised me to separate better with that keeps me wondering and worrying about things outside of my control. I am better at controlling my anxiety, after all I haven’t had medication for anxiety in many years. I have learned to fight anxiety and I will teach my son the same skills, as I have with my oldest.

Aj is a happy child, if anyone asks I would say he is compassionate with a huge heart but he lacks the understanding of sarcasm or snide comments. You see, with Aj you have to say what you mean and mean what you say because if not, he gets frustrated. Aj doesn’t comprehend sarcasm for the most part, yet there are a rare few moments that he actually may look at you after a quick witted comment and smirk as if he got it. Those moments are rare. For the most part, Aj is a child who needs people to say what they mean and mean what they say.

Aj cannot have people in his home environment that cannot be that person for him, it’s not easy. My daughter and his younger brother have worked hard and continue to work as a family to ensure Aj has a safe, loving home environment. That means far too often we have to bite our sarcastic tongue and say things the way Aj needs to hear them. While we find humor in sarcasm, Aj does not. In my mind, it’s not that difficult but when you have a tween daughter and younger sibling of a child like this, it can cause a ruckus from time to time.

I don’t want to deter my daughter and my other son from being who they are to their core, but I want to teach them to respect who Aj is at his core as well. It’s a juggling act around here most days. Whatever label Aj ends up with for a diagnosis, I am okay with that, because after all, I have been raising him for seven years so no matter what they say “he has”, reality is HE IS my son, always has been and always will. I will always be here fighting for him right beside him and encouraging him to move forward to lead a happy, healthy life.

As I do with my other children. That is my job. My job is Mom.

Longing to Entertain for Christmas With Family

I haven’t ever really been a hostess, dealing with social anxiety and major issues with being painfully shy most of my late teen and early adult years entertaining a house full of guests or even attending such an event seemed painful to me. Now that I am am mother of three children and have worked on changing my attitude towards not only myself but towards others and worked to reduce my social anxiety disorder without medication I am ready to start entertaining guests.

If I were to have a chance to host a Christmas get together I would want to have the whole neighborhood invited along with family and the handful of local friends I have here in New Hampshire. My daughter and I would bake cookies, create some Ragu special dishes for meals and come up with fun decor to get the house all festive for the occasion.

One of my dreams is to have more friends and be more close to the community here locally. Each year when Christmas time comes around my small town puts up banners, lights up a Christmas tree on the town common and even has Christmas lights all over the town. Driving through town on a December evening makes for cheerful times, listening to my three munchkins yelling in unison “Christmas lights” and again “Christmas lights” each time we pass another set of beautiful lights in town makes my heart warm.

Some day I will entertain a house full of guests, but I may just have to wait til my children are adults and I have become the home away from home for the munchkins and their families. For now, I just spend Christmas holiday with the munchkins and hold onto the longing to entertain for Christmas with family and guests.

Do you entertain guests for Christmas? What do you love most about hosting family and friends during the holiday season?

This post is being sponsored by Juice in the City. Juice in the City’s mission is to support local businesses and women in the workforce. I received compensation for my story today, but all opinions are my own. Sign up today for the latest crazy-good, mom-friendly deals today!

If I Received Presents for my 30th Birthday

If I received presents on my birthday this year I would love to have a tablet, not any particular model just a tablet so that when my laptop finally sells I will have something to use in it’s place should the need arise.

I would love a new office desk and chair so that I can free up some space in my office by placing my two HP printers on one desk instead of having to have extra tables in my office for them. An office chair would have to be puffy and soft because the one I have now is becoming rock hard. I need a comfortable office chair to avoid back pain from long hours in the office working.

I would love a gift certificate to a fancy restaurant I haven’t ever eaten at before. I think trying a new restaurant would be fun and adventurous of me, I miss my adventurous side. I have toned down since having kids around me 24/7  and turning 30 gives me a reason to find that adventurous side I love about myself but have lost along the years.

I would love for a limo to drive me to this restaurant and maybe a couple of places to have drinks. This way I don’t have to drive and can truly enjoy a couple drinks out while socializing with new people. All of my life I had major social anxiety and was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder but I have taught myself to live with this anxiety in a way that no longer dampers my love for talking to new people.

So there you have it, if I actually received presents for my 30th birthday this year that is what I want. Of course I don’t get presents nor do I ask for presents because I am just as happy with a nice bucket of frosting birthday cake and smiley faces on my special day.

Enhanced by Zemanta
SEO Powered by Platinum SEO from Techblissonline