Just Not Feeling It

You can tell when I am in this rut, although I am not really feeling down and out because I have an amazing support system in my immediate life, I just feel different. It’s as if I am just in a daze, maybe it’s due to Papa passing and having to use all of my strength to be there for my oldest during her grieving process or maybe it’s simply because I have this tendency to make myself be stronger than I need to be.

The love in my life aka Lee, was telling me the other day that I do not have to be so strong all of the time, we all have a breaking point, we all have that one thing that puts us over the limit of what we can handle. I was also reminded that this man I love is my shoulder to cry on, he had zero issues with me crying all night long when I found out that Papa had passed. Did not matter that Papa is my ex boyfriends Dad, Papa to my daughter .. why? Because this man, Papa, was a part of my world, a part of my daughter’s world and Lee “gets that”. Lee is like my twin in many ways, but we are different enough to keep each other moving forward instead of getting stuck in a rut for too long.

Blah feeling

While I do not feel sad or down, I am just simply needing a moment or something, to breath, to cry, to write. Something. I am working on putting my finger on what it is I really need, but my work still needs to be done. So while writing on here is fun and therapy, there are reviews to be done, blog posts to be written and work to be completed for various freelance writing projects.

That is how it is. If I were to be a work outside of the home Mom, my job would require me to be back on game by now, I couldn’t sit and sulk and be in this blah state of mind. I would have to get up off of my butt and move forward. The other thing is, if I don’t whack out of this blah type personality or feeling, how am I showing my kids to move forward? That is what matters most, that I write to get things out of my head so I can be the role model I have always been for my kids.

While I am “just not feeling it”, I am “feeling”, I guess that is a good thing, right?!

The Memories of a Great Man

For those who are friends with me on Facebook, they saw a sad down and out Brandy, much unlike that of what I normally am. Many were concerned, many had no clue what was up, while others assumed I was just having a normal female crying day. That was not the case. I was grieving, over a man I knew for about 12 years. While this man is not my direct family, he is not blood related, he is blood related to my oldest child. She lost her Papa this past weekend and I took it harder than I think even she did. I cried all night when I found out and well into the next day. I could not stop crying. Each time I got a hug from my boyfriend, I cried more. Each time I got on the phone with my oldest’s Dad, I cried. When I picked up my daughter Monday night, I gave her Dad a big hug and I cried again. I just could not seem to stop crying.

Papa was a man who I referred to as Papa since the day my oldest’s Dad and I broke up, going on around 10 years now. My sons called this man Papa and that was just his name to us. Papa was a man who I was very scared of the first time I met him, he seemed so rough around the edges and he was that parent who you knew better than to mess with. He flat out scared the crap out of me, but then, as I became a Mom to his grandchild he softened up. Papa became a man I could make smile and heck even sometimes laugh. He seemed to be happy, all the while sick as he had been sick for all the years I knew him.

Papa was an amazing man and while he was not my Dad, nor my Papa, he was a big part of my daughter’s life and even my sons knew him. Papa passed away and it was the first time since I can remember that someone passed who was a direct part of my world on an almost daily basis, even if Papa was not in my life directly, he was the home my daughter went to when she was with her Dad. Papa was a huge part of her world and she loved him dearly.

For some reason, my daughter is certainly accepting of her Papa passing, maybe because she has watched him be sick and so on, maybe because there were other scares these past couple years when they thought he would pass but he did not. Whatever the reason, it seems I had to cry my eyes out for a day and  a half to accept his passing while my daughter simply wanted some alone time to pout but not cry and simply remember the awesome things she had with her Papa. The great things Papa did for her and with her. My daughter did what I would tell anyone else to do, focus on the memories, those happy memories because those will forever be there to cherish.

Papa was a great man. I seriously will miss seeing those occasional moments I made him smirk or smile, those times the kids did something to make him look happy that even my sons called him Papa. I hope I am done crying now, and I hope he rests in peace. Papa is in a great place now, where he no longer has to live in pain or sickness, he is smiling down upon his family – I am sure of it and hoping they all continue on in a life of their own while remembering every moment they had with him during his life on Earth.

Rest in peace Papa. You were and are very loved.

Papa’s Pearls: A Father’s Gift of Love and Wisdom To His Children and Grandchildren Book Giveaway

Today I get to share with you a wonderful book that you can enter to win a copy of! Not just one copy will be given away, but five copies of Papa’s Pearls: A Father’s Gift of Love and Wisdom To His Children and Grandchildren will be provided to five random people who enter for a chance to win, but first, let’s introduce you to this book!

About the Author – Diane Flynn

Diane Flynn Keith is first and foremost Papa’s daughter. Diane was born and raised on the San Francisco Peninsula along with her older sister Carol and younger brother Brad. She still lives on the Peninsula where she and her husband Cliff reared their two sons, Nick and Chad.

About Papa’s Pearls

This is a story about how Diane’s own father transformed his life from the Depression Era to a happy, productive life. An amazing, heartfelt story for all to read. This story is meant to not only share a personal story of triumph, love and devotion,but to have you all learn to be more nurturing, loving and happy in your own lives.

Papa’s Pearls will help lead you in a positive direction while you read along with the beautifully written story, Papa’s Pearls: A Father’s Gift of Love and Wisdom to His Children and Grandchildren.

Enter to win $100 Amazon Gift Card

Papa’s Pearls blog is offering a chance for people to win a $100 Amazon gift code, simply visit Papa’s Pearls Blog to learn more and enter for your chance to win. (ends 11:59pm PST on November 30th)

Enter to win a Copy of  Papa’s Pearls: A Father’s Gift of Love and Wisdom to His Children and Grandchildren below …

Using the Rafflecopter form below is easy, use name/email to log in or Facebook for login. Rafflecopter will not use your email or access for anything other than giving me a way to contact you should you be the randomly chosen winner!  Winner will have 48 hours to claim prize or another person will be randomly selected.

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