How Long Before You Should Marry, or Know you Should Marry?

Most of my life I was set on the two year mark being that when you can decide if you really, truly should marry someone. Based on all of my readings on relationships and various documentaries, it clearly states that you have the first year to get to know each other and the next year to see if the two “real” versions of yourself work together. So one day, having found out that my best friend was engaged on her one year anniversary, I asked her “how long should someone wait before they get married?”, her reply resonated with me and made perfect sense. That got me thinking and so that is where this post came from inside of my writers brain.

love

For starters, you cannot place a time frame on true love. Next, we are no longer teenagers, love is real to us, unless we are super messed up emotionally and looking for the wrong type of love or love in the wrong ways. Reference my post from yesterday, looking for love through physical contact is not going to allow you to find ever lasting love. Not one bit.

As my best friend stated, but not in these exact words, there comes a time in your life where you have already been through so much. We both already have children, we both have struggled to be a single mom {her longer than I} and we have challenges with our children that keep us from really being able to find that perfect-for-us match. I agree with Dwan, that once you reach the age her and I are at that you just know. It’s this feeling, not through the ways of lust, that makes your brain and heart collide and realize THIS PERSON IS THE ONE.

One year ago on December 28th, I met a man for coffee. Seeing his profile on Match.com and having only paid for a month of membership, I knew that I wasn’t going to settle and waste the money spent for that membership but I also wasn’t going to rush into searching and searching for someone. This man’s profile kept coming up as a recommendation or what not. I ignored it, after all he lived in Claremont and one of my rules through out my whole life is that I will not date someone from Claremont, amongst a couple other NH towns too. I just couldn’t get over that image of him holding a guitar and smiling. It stuck with me and finally something gave in, I had to message him.

We met on December 28th for a cup of coffee, he likes it black by the way and I love it with Hazelnut Creamer and a couple sugars. From that day forward we didn’t spend one day apart unless we had to due to our children. On New Years Eve of last year, we had our children meet for the first time. It was a united family from that day on.  The kids meeting is what solidified mine and Lee’s love for each other. We knew from that first cup of coffee that we never wanted to part ways again. We knew from the day our children met and having them hit it off great, that we would never want to be apart again.

Now, here we are in a home we purchased this year. Dealing with a lot of drama from people who wish ill upon our happiness, you know those kind of people who are not happy with their own inner self so feel no one else can be happy?! And yet, we don’t falter. Our love is stronger than ever and each day it only grows stronger, I’ve never felt a love like this, neither has he. It’s so complete and so fulfilling. Our love is based on something real, within us, that we cannot seem to control. A real relationship, finally, we both deserve it so much. I have always been a train wreck when it comes to choosing my partner, while I can say my ex husband and I didn’t work out, I still love my ex husband as a co-parent and friend. Lee knows this and it honestly amazes him how well my ex husband and I get along, it doesn’t bother him one bit.

While I cannot tell you personally how long to wait for marriage, I can tell you this; knowing if you are ready has nothing to do with anyone else around you, if you have children sure they play a role in it because you don’t want to disrupt their lives too early with a new step parent, but at the same time; children do not control the outcome of their parent’s love for another human being. When choosing a date or time to marry that love of your life, just don’t rush, if you two feel that love 100% completely then it can wait if external situations call for it, but don’t wait just because so-and -o doesn’t want you happy. Those who don’t want you happy are broken within themselves and that’s nothing you can control.

Love with all of your mind, heart and soul. If you feel complete with another, latch on and never look back. Marriage? Well that depends on one thing; You and your Partner, only you two know when is right.

 

Ever Have A Bad Day?

Well I have had a bad week! It all started with my two year old who decided that he wanted mommy more than ever, he started being very whiny, very needy, nothing pleased him and yes I am home with him ALONE 10 hours a day. Not only am I home with HIM all day ALONE but I also have my 6 month old I am nursing HOME ALONE with me all day. I love my boys and my daughter, but this week has tested my mommy patience. Luckily I am a mom who no matter how irritable I am, I can be nice to my children and know when to take a “mommy time out”. I have had many of those this week, Bad Mommy have a time out. {lol}

Due to the lack of sleep and whiny two year old I have gone from super mom, super wife to super … well we won’t use bad language here..but I am sure you get the idea.

I not only have been very irritable, short and not myself but I have been struggling with my marriage. I went from loving my husband to wanting to walk out the door, why? No reason in particular, he is great, he tries to help when not working, he cooks me yummy dinners, he cooks me Sunday breakfast, he does a lot. The reason I want to walk out is not his fault nor is it anyone elses. I just need a Mommy Vacation, time away for ME, time to sort through all the week problems and get back into optimistic ME.

I would never leave my husband because of a bad day, rather bad week, I would never be upset with  my children for not allowing me to get any sleep, I would not do anything like that. I love my family, I love my friends, and I love my life. Just because I am having a bad week doesn’t give me a right to walk away from my commitment as friend, family and partner in business.

I fear due to my bad week I have lost a very good friend, and this above all written above hurts me THE MOST. I have become really good virtual friends with someone and fear I have just ruined our friendship, why do I fear this, why am I hurt? I don’t know, because I would like to think true friendship lasts through everything; the good, the bad, the happy and the sad. I haven’t ever had a best virtual friend really, so maybe that is why I am so confused, lost and sad. I don’t know what to do, other than to just HOPE that this best virtual friend understands I am human and I make mistakes. I hope she will take into consideration I have not had sleep in two days, and without sleep I am a MONSTER. I really am a person who needs 12 hours of sleep a night and with only getting 4 hours I can barely remember a conversation I had this morning let alone keep myself optimistic.

I have no right to be mean, I have no right to be rude, but I was and I am pessimistic right now, and have been for a couple of days. Sometimes I wonder if I take on too much, if I mean to do the right thing but do wrong instead…I wonder … well I can ponder these thoughts forever but would only be dwelling in the past and present. I wish to go to sleep tonight and sleep in tomorrow, I wish that when I lay my head down on my pillow tonight my mind doesn’t wonder and I can just sleep, a good night sleep and wake up tomorrow with a clear head ready to take on the world in the most optimistic way possible. If I have lost my best virtual friend, I don’t know what I will do, she as all I really had. One of the few people I could talk to about anything and I thought I was that for her too.

Well just think when you have a bad day or week like me…how will you handle it? I hope you will handle it better than me and not push everyone away that  means something to you. I hope that my bad week has not turned into another bad week, because if it has I don’t know how I will get back into the optimistic ME I usually can be.

Ramblings of a WAHM

It has been brought to my attention that there are many people out there who have no clue what WAHM stands for. Since this is part of the title for my blog I figured I better let it be known that WAHM is an accronym for work at home mom. I am a married work at home mom of three wonderfully crazy, but well behaved children.

My husband has officially decided that we are “building our family together” so “our” time can come back later. I wonder does he not know the less we take care of each other the further apart we may grow? I know the answer is no, he is still head over heels in love with me, and I guess I am in love with him too. All he has to do is give me this look while sitting across the room from me, and my heart MELTS, even after almost three years together.

My 6 year old seems to think she is queen bee, always putting a “but” before her response to anything I ask her to do. I must admit she is a great negotiator and leader. Wonderful skills that I love to see her excelling at, but wish they did not work so well against my requests for her to help around house. Many say, “because I said so” but I say, “because I am mom”. Great idea for a book title!

My 2 year old has now decided to be the run of the house, he is so full of energy! It’s wonderful to see him to so happy and running all around, but at the same time it makes my day a bit longer! He fights for nap time, fights for bed time, and not to have them, but to NOT have them. It’s difficult and I am not sure how to redirect some of his energy into positive ideas. I used to be able to sit with him in the morning and play but now forget it he just wants to RUN.

My baby is so sweet, but very, very spoiled, or rather what I call LOVED. He is nursing and wants Mommy very often, he will not fall asleep unless beside me; the one big downfall of co-sleeping habits! He no longer is content playing on the floor with his toys or jumping in his jumperoo for more than a couple minutes. He has learned to say DaDa and it’s so cute. He had his first tooth last week pop through too, how exciting!

Me, well I am feeling lonely lately. I have a few local girl friends none of which I do more than talk on phone with. May be more my fault because it is Winter time and I hibernate during Winter months. My husband works 6 days a week, which is great money wise, however, it leaves little time for family. We have one full day a week together, and that is hard on family time and ‘us time’.

So that is all for my ramblings of today…I also am on YouTube you can find me under username brandyellen1981, more videos going to be uploaded later today!! I won a FLIP from Newbaby.com which means I will be sharing more of my crazy days with you all!

Hugs,

Now On YouTube

I am very excited to announce that I am now on YouTube, not only am I excited about the opportunity to start vlogging {video blogging} but having access to creating videos is something that will better help market material, do product reviews and so much more. I would like to give my husband a BIG THANK YOU for taking months working late hours after an already long 10 hour day to get this set up for me, I know this will benefit him as well, but he was starting it as another way to show his support for me doing all this blogging! So THANK YOU to the love of my life, my husband, Justin.

And now…here is my FIRST official YouTube video, there are still some kinks to work out, such as not having the menu from my camcorder show up but I am just so happy to have access to this that I had to record my youngest being his cute little self at only 5 months of age….


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Writers Workshop: My Husbands Best Quality

I was reading blogs today when I came across Writers Workshop, what a wonderful idea brought to you by:

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So I took on writing about my husband’s best inner quality. Here goes…

My husband is a very devoted husband and father, I feel his best inner quality is his willingness to give more than receive. When I met my husband I was a single pregnant mother of one. We became fast friends, and soon fell in love. My husband gave his all to help me with finances, emotional issues of being pregnant and alone, and he talked for hours on the phone with me while I rambled. We moved in together within a few months, he moved to my house that I had bought just six months before we started dating.

I had a daughter who was 3 almost 4 and a newborn son. My husband was by my side at the hospital when my second child was born, and about a year later he adopted this son with the consent of the biological father. About two years later we welcomed baby Karter, who is our biological child together.

For a man to go from years of being a bachelor to coming into a pregnant, single moms life and helping her out no matter what I must say I am one lucky woman. For this man to then adopt my child as his own and raise him with the love and affection of a real father, I must say I am one lucky woman. For this man to listen to me rambling about my concerns and worries, without a complaint, I must say I am one lucky woman.

My husband, the giver, certainly has proven to me from the first day I met him that he is a keeper and that he loves not only me, but my child and our children with all his heart. I am thankful to have met him, and even more thankful that we chose each other as lifelong partners in this crazy world.


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