Rough Play for Kids Teaches Respect, Ethics and Boundaries

My two sons love to rough play and when they first started out with rough play, let me tell you what, I cringed! I really had to get used to the idea that rough play was fun for these too rough n tumble boys, and figure out ways to supervise that allowed them the fun with rough play. Through watching my two sons play rough, I have seen what it is that rough play actually teaches these boys and I am now an avid promoter of rough playing.

What Life Lessons Kids Learn from Rough Play

Many parents who come around, that are not parent to boys cringe at the idea that I allow my boys to play so rough. I have to explain this same scenario out to everyone who hasn’t had this experience; with rough and tumble kids. I want to be clear, girls can be just as rough and tumble as boys, they can learn the same skills that boys learn from this rough and tumble play so please be aware that this post may be focused on my sons, this pertains to girls as well.

What Kids learn from Rough Play With Supervision

Many nights a week my sons wish to wrestle before we start our end of night bedtime routine. If both boys are game, I allow them to wrestle which really involves some major rough housing. Take note: this is not hyper rough play, it’s calculated rough play where they each work to win the other. The goal, I believe, is usually for one of them to be pinned down over and over again. Poor Aj who lacks some fine motor skills, ends up on the ground more often than not. One rule to rough play for me, as the parent supervising, is I want to see that each have a smile on their face – meaning they look as if they are enjoying it. Rough play is for enjoyable fun, not for one to have a blast beating the other one up.

My little man started off these rough play adventures with a very arrogant side, he is my most self absorbed child which I feel is somewhat normal for his age group. I have had to work really hard to teach my little man to respect the boundaries of Aj and to really learn the cues Aj puts out there when he is genuinely hurt or simply not having fun anymore. Little man has come so far in learning his brothers cues and 99% of the time he does respect those boundaries. Each listen to ensure that they are not physically harming the other but boy do they take a beating.

Each love to grab and throw the other around, karate chop each other and simply run in a circle giggling a lot. They get rather rough to a point where I have to shut my mouth, the Mom in me will probably never be used to this rough play stuff, but it’s so important because it teaches some important life lessons and helps the boys learn how to handle testosterone boosts they will experience most of their lives.

Kids Learn life lessons with Rough Play

What Kids Learn From Rough Play

Sportsmanship - If supervised properly your children will learn sportsmanship through rough play. Each allowing the other to take turns, each respecting the other winning and being happy the other one. Each attempting to compete in a healthy way with each other.

Boundaries of Other People – If supervised properly your children will learn the boundaries of the sibling they are rough housing with. For example, the boys know when to be rougher with each other and when to be a bit more careful as they have learned to read each other as well as their sister when rough playing.

How to Handle Frustration – If supervised properly your children will learn how to healthily take out frustrations and testosterone boosts, your sons will have boosts of testosterone and frustration being of the male species, rough play has actually been researched and proven to help teen boys handle testosterone fluctuations better as well as learn to handle conflict properly.

Friendship, Bonds and Sibling Love – If supervised properly your children will learn to have a sibling bond of love and friendship with their rough playing partner, each having learned the three skills and lessons above, will eventually have a larger level of trust for each other, as well as the outside world.

Do you have rough and tumble kids? Do you feel they are learning some important lessons through this play? What lessons do you think they learn?

5 Ways to Survive Co-Parenting With a Miserable Ex

Everyone out there must know at least one person who having been divorced with kids is now sputtering under their breath because their ex has become a complete insane person since they started co-parenting or worse yet, they started co-parenting just fine until their ex moved on and then it was WWIII. Here are some no brainer, easy to follow tips to survive co-parenting with a miserable ex, more specifically when you have moved on happily in your own divorced parenting life;

5 Tips to Survive Co-Parenting with a Miserable Ex

 

  1. Communicate about Topics That Pertain to your Children Only – Treat your relationship with your ex as a business relationship; only items discussed on the agenda are those that pertain to the children. Be upfront about what topics are just simply off limits and do not engage in communication about them. Ever. Such as how each of you parents at your own home, neither co-parent can control rules at the other home, unless your children are in harms way.
  2. Do Not Feed into Personal Jab Comments Ever – If your ex is constantly trying to poke at you with personal jabs about things that have nothing to do with raising the children, ignore them. Do not jab back and don’t feed into any drama that your ex may be trying to create.
  3. Allow the Children to Love Both Parents and/or Step Parents – Do not allow your children to pay for the issues their parent is causing with you, let it roll off of your shoulders. As long as the ex isn’t manipulating or brainwashing your children, they will eventually learn who their parents are. Let the children determine each parents flaws or mistakes made on their own time. Be happy if your children are happy.
  4. Gather Information Where you Can Get it From – If your ex is so miserable that they cannot update you on report cards or daily status updates on events that should be told ahead of time or as they happen then go ahead and contact the school system so you can receive a mailed copy of all report cards and other important notices that your children receive {this goes for a non-residential parent}.
  5. Go off the Radar – At times the other parent is simply so miserable that you must go off the radar completely with them as a means to keep your sanity. This is a last resort option but sometimes a necessary one. Be part of your children’s lives but don’t have anything to do with the co-parent because if you are at this point then there is no way co-parenting will be beneficiary for either parent.

Raising children in a split home is never easy, the older the children are – the harder it is. Just breath and take one day at a time.

 

“Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

As the Days Pass, I Realize So Much

As each day passes, a new day rises. With each new day we find ourselves a day older, looking in the mirror we may not notice our daily changes on our bodies that make us realize we are getting older when each new dawn arises. The thing about parenting is that we have photographs, pictures of memories with our families that allow us to look back at our children and see how much they have grown. My oldest is nearing 11 years old, next year she will be in Junior High and I am still having troubles with that fact. Just yesterday, it seems, she was my little two year old singing Twinkle Twinkle and ABC’s through the grocery store and here she stands before me with an iPhone and ability to engage in conversations I didn’t even know she was educated enough on.

Diva Daughter

One thing that I do love about my daughter is her ability to dress like a Diva, shown above, or dress in jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt. My daughter is a lot like her Mother in many ways, she has this innate ability to fit into nearly any situation and has developed skills necessary to take her far in life. I am proud that she has become who she is and still works each day to be a better self, now if you asked me, I would say she has little to “fix” but I also believe that every human being should have something they are working on to better themselves each day. I cannot believe just how beautiful and intelligent she has grown up to be. This girl looks even older when she takes off her glasses and wears contacts. I just get jaw dropped and can feel more grey hairs filling in my dark black head of hair.

kids grow too fast

My sons, on the other hand, have grown to be quite the couple. They are my double trouble team, but when I say that it dawns on me that my now five and seven year old boys are not a real double trouble “team” per say. My Aj who is the older of the two, actually has started to step up and act like the older sibling. Aj is often found helping his little brother, even though his brother doesn’t accept the help and Aj is very compassionate. Aj is on a medication for his mood disorder and right now the medication seems to be really working to keep his moods steady and him on an even kilt. I love that Aj is acting like a normal seven year old because it really makes him happier and I can bear witness to that each day. Aj is also growing like a weed, it seems every morning he wakes up taller. How do kids do that? My youngest, K-man has become quite the handful, now that he is in kindergarten he is a big kid and he won’t let you think otherwise. Demanding. World Revolves Around Him. Little Reasoning Skills. Co-sleeping with Mama. Barely sleeping when he does co-sleep. K-man has become my handful but even while he seems to be going backwards emotionally and socially some days, he is certainly putting on some weight and probably about to sprout up soon. It amazes me how it seems as if it were just yesterday that I held that dark black haired light blue eyed baby in my hands … and now he’s in all day Kindergarten. Crazy!

Family LIfe

No matter how much older my kids seem to be getting, they are still so wonderfully amazing and kind hearted. We enjoy family time more than anything and we love each other deeply. My children, thankfully, have learned that their Mama will love them unconditionally always and in turn they have become such well rounded mini-adults with a big slice of childhood still in their hearts. I worked hard to ensure they still have childhood to enjoy, you only get one chance at childhood so no matter how old they get and no matter how tall they get, even if they tower over me, I will still push them to enjoy every moment of childhood as a child because once you are an adult you do not get that time back! I may be older than these kids but they have taught me so much and through them I have grown up in many ways, I also see the world differently than I did before being a Mama. That is a gift they give me every.single.day.

 

Just When I’m At That Point

All day long my sons are pretty well maintained, easy going, happy and smiling. I have proof of that on my Vine video account but come about 3pm they are done. Usually 3pm is the time my youngest starts acting wild and crazy, wrestling too roughly with his brother, off the walls hyper and cannot seem to focus. It just so happens that about 3pm is also about the time of day when I am utterly exhausted, ready to sleep. My eyes fight to stay open and my body is ready to shut down but I still have quite a few hours left before I can relax, because I am Mom.

Summer Fun (5)

I have found no trick to getting 3pm to stop being the magic time when utter chaos hits. Tried sleeping more. Tried getting the youngest to sleep more. Tried entertaining them with a late afternoon movie time, but nothing works. Nothing.

Summer Fun (4)

I just muster along feeling grumpier and grumpier until bedtime hits and then, if I am lucky, they sleep. Usually Aj goes right to sleep but that little guy of mine is just giving me a run for my money before he heads off to his first year of all day school in a couple of weeks. I just keep reminding myself, someday I will miss these times. I know I will.

Parenting Quotes #positive #blendedfamily #family #happilyblended

Build a Childs Self Esteem

I am a huge promoter of building children’s self esteem, in my book co-authored by my daughter and me, Positive Girl: The Power of your Thoughts, we discuss how to keep your esteem high and/or build it up if you/your child are struggling with that.

Our Home Has Love

I have been watching The Fosters with my boyfriend lately and this quote above really makes me think of last nights episode. Family is what you make of it, as long as you have love, you have family!  You can always create your own family constitution which will share your own rules, expectations and love between you all as a family.

The Good Life

I firmly believe I am LIVING life and a GOOD LIFE at that, if not a GREAT life really! Hope you all remember to live a GOOD LIFE, live it fully no matter what!

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