5 Ways to Survive Co-Parenting With a Miserable Ex

Everyone out there must know at least one person who having been divorced with kids is now sputtering under their breath because their ex has become a complete insane person since they started co-parenting or worse yet, they started co-parenting just fine until their ex moved on and then it was WWIII. Here are some no brainer, easy to follow tips to survive co-parenting with a miserable ex, more specifically when you have moved on happily in your own divorced parenting life;

5 Tips to Survive Co-Parenting with a Miserable Ex

 

  1. Communicate about Topics That Pertain to your Children Only – Treat your relationship with your ex as a business relationship; only items discussed on the agenda are those that pertain to the children. Be upfront about what topics are just simply off limits and do not engage in communication about them. Ever. Such as how each of you parents at your own home, neither co-parent can control rules at the other home, unless your children are in harms way.
  2. Do Not Feed into Personal Jab Comments Ever – If your ex is constantly trying to poke at you with personal jabs about things that have nothing to do with raising the children, ignore them. Do not jab back and don’t feed into any drama that your ex may be trying to create.
  3. Allow the Children to Love Both Parents and/or Step Parents – Do not allow your children to pay for the issues their parent is causing with you, let it roll off of your shoulders. As long as the ex isn’t manipulating or brainwashing your children, they will eventually learn who their parents are. Let the children determine each parents flaws or mistakes made on their own time. Be happy if your children are happy.
  4. Gather Information Where you Can Get it From – If your ex is so miserable that they cannot update you on report cards or daily status updates on events that should be told ahead of time or as they happen then go ahead and contact the school system so you can receive a mailed copy of all report cards and other important notices that your children receive {this goes for a non-residential parent}.
  5. Go off the Radar – At times the other parent is simply so miserable that you must go off the radar completely with them as a means to keep your sanity. This is a last resort option but sometimes a necessary one. Be part of your children’s lives but don’t have anything to do with the co-parent because if you are at this point then there is no way co-parenting will be beneficiary for either parent.

Raising children in a split home is never easy, the older the children are – the harder it is. Just breath and take one day at a time.

 

“Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

As the Days Pass, I Realize So Much

As each day passes, a new day rises. With each new day we find ourselves a day older, looking in the mirror we may not notice our daily changes on our bodies that make us realize we are getting older when each new dawn arises. The thing about parenting is that we have photographs, pictures of memories with our families that allow us to look back at our children and see how much they have grown. My oldest is nearing 11 years old, next year she will be in Junior High and I am still having troubles with that fact. Just yesterday, it seems, she was my little two year old singing Twinkle Twinkle and ABC’s through the grocery store and here she stands before me with an iPhone and ability to engage in conversations I didn’t even know she was educated enough on.

Diva Daughter

One thing that I do love about my daughter is her ability to dress like a Diva, shown above, or dress in jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt. My daughter is a lot like her Mother in many ways, she has this innate ability to fit into nearly any situation and has developed skills necessary to take her far in life. I am proud that she has become who she is and still works each day to be a better self, now if you asked me, I would say she has little to “fix” but I also believe that every human being should have something they are working on to better themselves each day. I cannot believe just how beautiful and intelligent she has grown up to be. This girl looks even older when she takes off her glasses and wears contacts. I just get jaw dropped and can feel more grey hairs filling in my dark black head of hair.

kids grow too fast

My sons, on the other hand, have grown to be quite the couple. They are my double trouble team, but when I say that it dawns on me that my now five and seven year old boys are not a real double trouble “team” per say. My Aj who is the older of the two, actually has started to step up and act like the older sibling. Aj is often found helping his little brother, even though his brother doesn’t accept the help and Aj is very compassionate. Aj is on a medication for his mood disorder and right now the medication seems to be really working to keep his moods steady and him on an even kilt. I love that Aj is acting like a normal seven year old because it really makes him happier and I can bear witness to that each day. Aj is also growing like a weed, it seems every morning he wakes up taller. How do kids do that? My youngest, K-man has become quite the handful, now that he is in kindergarten he is a big kid and he won’t let you think otherwise. Demanding. World Revolves Around Him. Little Reasoning Skills. Co-sleeping with Mama. Barely sleeping when he does co-sleep. K-man has become my handful but even while he seems to be going backwards emotionally and socially some days, he is certainly putting on some weight and probably about to sprout up soon. It amazes me how it seems as if it were just yesterday that I held that dark black haired light blue eyed baby in my hands … and now he’s in all day Kindergarten. Crazy!

Family LIfe

No matter how much older my kids seem to be getting, they are still so wonderfully amazing and kind hearted. We enjoy family time more than anything and we love each other deeply. My children, thankfully, have learned that their Mama will love them unconditionally always and in turn they have become such well rounded mini-adults with a big slice of childhood still in their hearts. I worked hard to ensure they still have childhood to enjoy, you only get one chance at childhood so no matter how old they get and no matter how tall they get, even if they tower over me, I will still push them to enjoy every moment of childhood as a child because once you are an adult you do not get that time back! I may be older than these kids but they have taught me so much and through them I have grown up in many ways, I also see the world differently than I did before being a Mama. That is a gift they give me every.single.day.

 

Just When I’m At That Point

All day long my sons are pretty well maintained, easy going, happy and smiling. I have proof of that on my Vine video account but come about 3pm they are done. Usually 3pm is the time my youngest starts acting wild and crazy, wrestling too roughly with his brother, off the walls hyper and cannot seem to focus. It just so happens that about 3pm is also about the time of day when I am utterly exhausted, ready to sleep. My eyes fight to stay open and my body is ready to shut down but I still have quite a few hours left before I can relax, because I am Mom.

Summer Fun (5)

I have found no trick to getting 3pm to stop being the magic time when utter chaos hits. Tried sleeping more. Tried getting the youngest to sleep more. Tried entertaining them with a late afternoon movie time, but nothing works. Nothing.

Summer Fun (4)

I just muster along feeling grumpier and grumpier until bedtime hits and then, if I am lucky, they sleep. Usually Aj goes right to sleep but that little guy of mine is just giving me a run for my money before he heads off to his first year of all day school in a couple of weeks. I just keep reminding myself, someday I will miss these times. I know I will.

Parenting Quotes #positive #blendedfamily #family #happilyblended

Build a Childs Self Esteem

I am a huge promoter of building children’s self esteem, in my book co-authored by my daughter and me, Positive Girl: The Power of your Thoughts, we discuss how to keep your esteem high and/or build it up if you/your child are struggling with that.

Our Home Has Love

I have been watching The Fosters with my boyfriend lately and this quote above really makes me think of last nights episode. Family is what you make of it, as long as you have love, you have family!  You can always create your own family constitution which will share your own rules, expectations and love between you all as a family.

The Good Life

I firmly believe I am LIVING life and a GOOD LIFE at that, if not a GREAT life really! Hope you all remember to live a GOOD LIFE, live it fully no matter what!

“This Love is Forever” a Book for Children of Divorce Giveaway and Review

Content Disclosure

A mother and daughter teamed up to write a positive book about divorce, it’s difficult for children of all ages to experience divorce. I, myself, was a product of divorce having gone through that with my parents around age 12. I recall being okay with my parents being apart because I knew for many reasons they could no longer be married, the signs of their love falling apart were very evident to my sister and I, but it was still difficult to swallow not having my father around every day as he was the previous years of my life. I went from seeing my Dad every day to seeing him every other weekend as most children do. Then there are children like mine who have two parents who work around schedules to help keep a connection and visitation going through out the weeks, it’s difficult to know what type of schedule will ultimately be the best for the children but with my sons being so young and before with my daughter being a baby when the split happened, it made sense to try to keep the kids seeing their Dads as often as they see Mom. Less transition works for some but not for all.

This Love is ForeverRegardless of how the visits are split up, divorce is difficult. Divorce is not only hard on parents involved but on the children. A lot of times children question if it is their fault, younger children wonder if their parents will fall out of love with them and the list goes on of symptoms and emotions that children can show related from a divorce situation. This Love is Forever brings on a cute story, written by a mother in response to her daughter’s question “Why are we divorced”. I can commend this mother for writing such a story as I, myself, have been working on books with my own daughter as a way to share our bond as mother and daughter.

This Love is Forever reads in a rhyming fashion which is always an attention grabber for my younger two boys. Since my two boys had to deal with their Dad and me divorcing at an age where they had been more “aware” that Mom and Dad split, this book was a perfect addition to our bookshelf. The boys do occasionally have questions, they still have difficulty understanding that, while we do similar family traditions that we have done with Daddy in the past, we are now a divided family and Daddy does things with them apart from Mommy and vice versa but we both love them dearly. My boys are lucky in that their Dad and I are great friends, this is a great book that really helps share thoughts I have had and wanted to say but was not sure how to formulate those thoughts into the appropriate words at my sons age levels.

I commend Mavis Prall Cohen for her ability to write such a beautiful story in such a simple way that shares a big message….. “This Love is Forever … a book for children of divorce and their parents”. If you are at a loss of words on how to explain Love is Forever, even after divorce to your children, I do believe you should give this book a shot. I personally love reading it as a bedtime book since I read to each of my kids before bed every night.

I invite you to take a peek at this book, you may purchase This Love is Forever on Amazon.com. If you have questions for the author feel free to comment below and my contact will work to get answers for you. I am proud to be a part of promoting this book and hope that you will take a moment to share this with your friends too!

Enter to win an Autographed copy of This Love is Forever …..

Giveaway Starts today and ends 12am EST on July 26, 2013. Open to USA only. Winner will be announced live on site and emailed directly. Winner shall have 48 hours from announcement post and email to claim prize otherwise another random winner shall be chosen using the random generator through Rafflecopter.

Using the Rafflecopter form below is easy; use name/email to log in or Facebook for login. Rafflecopter will not use your email or access for anything other than giving me a way to contact you should you be the randomly chosen winner! Winner will have 48 hours to claim prize or another person will be randomly selected.

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