5 Ways to Survive Co-Parenting With a Miserable Ex

Everyone out there must know at least one person who having been divorced with kids is now sputtering under their breath because their ex has become a complete insane person since they started co-parenting or worse yet, they started co-parenting just fine until their ex moved on and then it was WWIII. Here are some no brainer, easy to follow tips to survive co-parenting with a miserable ex, more specifically when you have moved on happily in your own divorced parenting life;

5 Tips to Survive Co-Parenting with a Miserable Ex

 

  1. Communicate about Topics That Pertain to your Children Only – Treat your relationship with your ex as a business relationship; only items discussed on the agenda are those that pertain to the children. Be upfront about what topics are just simply off limits and do not engage in communication about them. Ever. Such as how each of you parents at your own home, neither co-parent can control rules at the other home, unless your children are in harms way.
  2. Do Not Feed into Personal Jab Comments Ever – If your ex is constantly trying to poke at you with personal jabs about things that have nothing to do with raising the children, ignore them. Do not jab back and don’t feed into any drama that your ex may be trying to create.
  3. Allow the Children to Love Both Parents and/or Step Parents – Do not allow your children to pay for the issues their parent is causing with you, let it roll off of your shoulders. As long as the ex isn’t manipulating or brainwashing your children, they will eventually learn who their parents are. Let the children determine each parents flaws or mistakes made on their own time. Be happy if your children are happy.
  4. Gather Information Where you Can Get it From – If your ex is so miserable that they cannot update you on report cards or daily status updates on events that should be told ahead of time or as they happen then go ahead and contact the school system so you can receive a mailed copy of all report cards and other important notices that your children receive {this goes for a non-residential parent}.
  5. Go off the Radar – At times the other parent is simply so miserable that you must go off the radar completely with them as a means to keep your sanity. This is a last resort option but sometimes a necessary one. Be part of your children’s lives but don’t have anything to do with the co-parent because if you are at this point then there is no way co-parenting will be beneficiary for either parent.

Raising children in a split home is never easy, the older the children are – the harder it is. Just breath and take one day at a time.

 

“Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

Part Time vs Full Time Co-Parent

If you are in a co-parenting situation I am sure you have seen what I am referring to as a part time or full time co-parent. This article is actually going to discuss more of the part time vs full time father figure. I have been amazed at the amount of fathers who are no longer with the mother of their child(ren) who are actually still very involved and could be considered a full time Dad. I remember back in the day growing up it was a given that if a couple was no longer together the mother would get custody and the father would become a part time figure in the child(ren)’s life.

My parents divorced when I was around eleven years old or maybe younger, can’t recall but I do know I have a Christmas video from 1991 which I believe was our last Christmas together as a “family” and so that’s why I say eleven or ten years of age is when the divorce finally happened and they never got back together that time. My mother had custody of my sister and me, we saw our Dad every other weekend and that is simply how our life was. We seemed to turn out pretty good with a few issues here and there but overall we enjoyed growing up and having time with both parents.

I have become friends with many fathers who honestly are the custodial parent or have shared joint custody of their child(ren) and I applaud these father’s for stepping up and being a real part of their child(ren)’s lives. I am impressed! I am also impressed with the Dad’s who have their children on a part time, so to speak basis, because having two involved parents at any level is a great feeling for the child(ren).

I will be honest in that I understand some men usually find that when they are no longer with the mother of their child that visiting their children simply becomes a matter of necessity versus a matter of wanting to be a parent or good role model. As a very involved mother who loves children and always has I can’t imagine only seeing my children every other weekend, nor can I imagine setting up a visiting schedule to see my children and then bring them home earlier than the time agreed upon. I mean who does that? Really?! I would want to bring them home later every time if anything because then I get more time with them.

So moral of the story is … I am a firm believer that both parents in a co-parenting situation need to understand that they both have equal rights and they should exercise these rights to ensure that their children grow up to be loving, well rounded children that can’t ever say they had a “part time” parent.

Questions for Thought: Do you co-parent? Do you have a co-parent who is part time or full time? Do you agree that more and more fathers are becoming more involved in the child’s life even after a split up? How do you feel about this topic?

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