How Mort Fertel Gives Insight to my Divorce

How Mort Fertel Gives Insight to my Divorce

Marriage Fitness they say, it will help save your marriage, they say. Well what if you are already divorced and been so for many years? Mort Fertel can still provide insight using his own unique strategy that assists you to grow as an individual to ensure you can be a better partner next time around. This isn’t marriage counseling; this is 7 Secrets to Fixing your Marriage

Years ago divorce was inevitable, I actually blogged about it. The man I married and had two boys with just didn’t seem to be the right for me man; we tried everything possible to keep our marriage in tact because neither of us wanted to co-parent. The divorce ended amicably as a means to end the marriage before hatred began, reality is we grew apart. Period.

I was recently asked to dig a bit deeper, after taking part in Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness Program {a $399 value}, my eyes were opened a bit deeper as to what could have caused the marriage to ultimately end in divorce. You see, I know that I expected change – since I was growing as a person, learning, maturing and being someone beyond that of who I was the day we got married, I expected my ex-husband to change alongside me. He simply wasn’t interested, it’s not that he didn’t learn in his own way, I just felt that I grew faster and was going beyond that of which our marriage was based upon.

After giving birth to two boys within two years’ time, something changed within me. Those years of being pregnant obviously took a toll on my body as well as emotional being, beyond that, I became distant and in fact started to dislike my then husband. Ultimately the emotional roller-coaster caused detrimental damage to our marriage and while we attended marriage counseling for a brief period of time, the connection had disappeared enough that the counseling sessions were simply not enough. I personally feel the counseling didn’t focus on us properly, we had one exercise where we were to push forward on each others arms, this was supposed to show who had the most push in the marriage or something. All I remember is us both being in agreement that these sessions weren’t rebuilding our marriage or our connection as partners.

How Mort Fertel Gives Insight to my Divorce

One thing that I have learned reading the Marriage Fitness Program as well as the 7 Secrets to Fixing your Marriage is that focusing on our problems during counseling sessions as well as at home more than likely ended our once solid connection. We were friends and while we divorced before hatred built, that focus on our problems only made us completely frustrated with each other, had we taken time to do activities that we enjoyed such as hiking or going out to eat, then maybe things would have been built back up. Now that I am a divorced Mom of three, I have learned so much but each day is a chance for me to learn something new and grow as a person.

It took me one year to make the decision that divorce was our only option, and to this day the only part that stinks about divorce is having to share our sons, but we rock co-parenting as we remain amicable for our children’s sake.

In my current day I am in a committed relationship to a man who believes in many of the things I started to believe in back then; that we grow as individuals as well as partners in life. The key to staying connected is to disconnect, learning that disconnect is actually a way to reconnect may sound backwards, but it really works in my current relationship and I would advise anyone who is struggling within their marriage to download the 7 Secrets to Fixing your Marriage to gain a whole new perspective on what builds a marriage, rather than focusing on what breaks a marriage.

Are you currently married? What are some things you do to ensure the marriage stays strong?

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  1. I’m not married, though I do live with my partner – thankfully so far we have grown together and although we have had our bumps they have turned out OK on the other side. x

    1. Thanks for your comment, I agree there will always be bumps and curve balls thrown in life – but what matters is you two grow together! Glad your relationship works well for you!!

  2. Marriage is a ton of work. I divorced my first husband after I caught him cheating. Then he had the nerve to lie about it too. We were very young when we got married and had two kids. I was wrong on some things too. There was some emotional abuse as well. It took me a long time to let go, forgive, and move forward.

    I’m now remarried. Things are so much different too. For the better. 🙂

    1. And sometimes hindsight is 20/20. I was cheated on by my first borns father, although we were never married. Which has led me to co-parenting her since she was just four months old, she will be 14 this year and I am well over that cheating but it never is easy to move on from hurtful situations and sometimes when trust is abused and we are abused – divorce is the only answer. I am wishing you happiness and health in all future relationships!

    1. I love how you stated that, “… there are no days off”. I do think that taking a break from each other can be beneficial but then there’s those two people who simply were just meant to be, no matter the curve balls thrown, they just survive together pushing forward to continue on in marriage. So happy you are about to celebrate 30 years, Congrats!

  3. I’m in the middle of a divorce with two kids that don’t know yet (we’re waiting to tell them after school is out!) Sometimes nothing can be fixed, sometimes things can go so wrong that damage hurts the kids and spouse. While I have forgiven I can’t let go of all the worst I’ve seen in that man. I am not angry anymore, I’m not really anything towards him, I’ve lost all connection. What my goal is now, is to be the best co-parents for the sake of the children. I know in my heart I have tried everything I could, from trying to get my husband to go to parenting classes with me(which was our major problem- he was abusive mainly to our son) to marriage and family counseling 3 separate times over the course of 8 years. You can’t change a person if he/she doesn’t want to… but you can change you and the way you live…

    1. Oh gosh … I hear you. Sometimes it is the end, even in the program Mort Fertel offers — he says try a year, a solid year of trying and if after that, you are still feeling divorce is the answer? Then so be it. A human can only try as hard as they can before all 100% effort has been exhausted. I am wishing your family luck in an easy transition from parenthood together to co-parenting. I have been co-parenting my first born since she was a baby – she is now almost 14 years, wasn’t always easy. Then my sons are 7 and 9 … we’ve been co-parenting for about 5 years without any issues (that’s with my ex husband).. it’s all about keeping the relationship all about the kids only after a divorce.

  4. I’ve never been divorced but can say marriage really is hard work and we did counselling years and years ago after some rough patches. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years this coming November.

  5. The hubby and I have been married for 15 years this June. It hasn’t always been easy but we have our faith and we work through our issues. We are always working on us. Keeping it fresh and fun can be hard but we make sure we get away just the two of us at least a couple times a year and we have a weekly date night too.

    1. Happy 15 years, I do agree that being together for years doesn’t always go smoothly – marriage is work and takes two people working towards a united front, goal and mission to succeed in living life fully together. I certainly think it takes two people with the right mindset to be committed to their vows and withstand all that is tossed at them 🙂

  6. I am currently married and I think the fact that we allow each other space helps a little. We trust each other which is essential. Thanks for telling us about the 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage as so many people will need this at some point.

    1. Divorce just stinks. There’s nothing about it I can say is fun or good, even though mine was relatively easy (no fighting or arguing) … I hope that your new marriage lasts years to come! Any tips on how to make marriage the second time around work better?

  7. Marriage is a lot of hard work.i agree with the growing part. For me, I’m not sure where that leads a person when they are a Christian and they want to grow spiritually, but their partner doesn’t. That one is pretty hard, especially in the divorce department.

    1. You bring good insight, Heather, probably part of your Faith is what holds you two stronger together in many ways. If ever feeling as if one is growing beyond the other, maybe stepping back and focusing on what bonds you two, regardless of individual growth, and find that happy balance in your marriage. Marriage is hard work and while I am divorced, I really believe it takes two people having Faith in their vows. I am sure you will be led in the right direction for your family <3

  8. I am not married yet but this sure could greatly help everybody who’s facing problems in their respective married lives. I didn’t know services like this exist, but this I am glad help is available when it comes to marriage matters.

  9. The important thing is that you are both there for your kids, even if it means co-parenting. The fact that you were able to put an end to your marriage in amicable terms is also great.

  10. I am not married, never have been, and am not really in a position to consider it, however I do think that relationships can be challenging. You are blending together different personalities, goals, ways of thinking, and sometimes different belief systems. It can take work to blend them together in a way that works without either person losing themselves. I imagine that when you are married (especially when you have been married for a very long time), it is easy to grow apart. So it is good that there are programs out there designed to help people to navigate things.

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