You know what a girl wants, what a girl really really wants?
To feel safe on her first date with you.
Safety might be the last thing on your mind because you are a man, and you might think you are more physically powerful than your new female prospect.
Before a woman can even get to a feeling of desire for you, she needs to feel confident that you are not going to harm her. Women want to feel safe--it’s instinctual.
It can sound sort of crazy but understand that a woman is coming from a place of vulnerability.
The good news is, if you take the right measures, you can rather quickly establish yourself as a safe person, and in doing so, you set yourself apart from a lot of guys out there. There are many ways to help a woman feel safe on her first date with you. I’ll share three essential points that every man needs to consider.
Give Her a Good Sense of Who You Are
Once a woman knows what you spend your time doing, what you care about, and what your values are, it’s a lot easier for her to feel comfortable with you. So you don’t really want to be a “mysterious man,” but rather a man who is open and forthcoming about his interests.
From the woman’s point of view, knowing that you coach an adult soccer team, or manage a painting company, or volunteer at an animal rescue once a month is what we would call a GREEN flag. Think about what you do in your life that adds to your character, demonstrates your leadership, and displays your compassion. And don’t just fire it off like a list. Let these examples turn up naturally in conversation.
Let Her Decide
One way men are liable to make a woman uneasy is by being overly forward. Although confidence and forwardness can be very attractive, they need to be carried out in the right way. That means, when suggesting a date, you say something like, “I’d like to take you to dinner,” NOT “You should come over to my place tonight.” The first way expresses your interest and leaves her the freedom to choose. The second way is closer to a command, and is going to signal a red flag to her.
Likewise, you should leave space for her to make decisions through the course of her night. If you make every decision for her, she might start to think you’re going to make a decision about how the night ends, too. So leave room for her to make decisions about where to eat, drink, and whether or not to make physical contact. You don’t need to hang back 100%, but you need to make sure there is an opportunity for her to direct the night. This way, she knows that you respect her choices and want her to have a good night. This way, she knows you’re not just in it for selfish desires.
Stay Close To Her, But Allow Space
On your first date, it is extremely important that your date is the center of your attention at all times. Do not wander off because you saw a friend in the bar. Do not run across the street to go to the ATM without bringing her with you. She needs to have her eyes on you at all times to feel safe with you. On the other hand, if she elects to remove herself from your company, you need to honor that. She must feel like she can leave your side in order to feel safe with you. And at the same time, she needs to know that you won’t leave her side. Remember that all women are different. Some women may feel more vulnerable than others because of past experiences, and it is really important to respect that. Never make a woman feel bad for making decisions that protect her safety. Remember that as a man, it is your honorable responsibility to help keep women safe. When women see this in a man, it is extremely attractive–it’s what she wants–what she really really wants. It might take some practice and patience at first, but soon, being a safe person will simply be part of who you are.