It’s one thing to hear the emotions from your teenager, but it’s a completely other story when you let those roller coaster of teenage emotions hit deep within your heart. Teenagers come with their own book of rules, and it’s a parenting nightmare to figure out how to communicate effectively with them.
Reality is communication is a learned skill, regardless of how old a family member is. With your teens, it’s no different. A learning experience in communication that will build or ruin the bond you once had with this child. Here are some effective ways to communicate with your teen so that you both can enjoy this period in life:
Turn off Your Parent Alarm
There’s nothing that will shut down a teen from talking faster than a parental response to their situation. A teen wants their parent to be the ear to listen, shoulder to cry on and the heart to feel compassion. Teens do not want to hear a life lesson each time they open up to you nor do they want you to actually attempt to solve their problems. Turn off your parent alarm when listening to your teen talk.
Do Not Encourage Dramatics
If your teen is going on and on sounding all dramatic do not over emphasize the response to them as this will only encourage them to get more dramatic. Listen to them, and if they are going off the deep end of being overly dramatic do not reply. Just smile and nod. This lets them know you are listening but at the same time you are not making the situation worse.
Stop Lecturing
I have been guilty of this, it’s a learning curve this whole parenting a teenager gig. My daughter shuts down faster than you can imagine if I start to lecture her amidst a conversation that was important to her. I have learned to stop lecturing; your teen is old enough to know right from wrong. Be confident in the fact that you raised them right and let them figure out solutions on their own.
Enjoy the Ride
Nothing is better in life than watching what you raised for the last 13 years turn into their own person. There will be days where you cringe, cry and smile but it’s all worth it because you have lasted this long with your child without them being totally damaged. Enjoy the ride of teenage years; they really can be a bowl of fun!
Such Great Tips I Can Really Use With My Girls Love The Don’t Over Lecture LOL This Is So True I Need To Try NOT To Do This Thank You!!
Ugh I was just talking about this with a few of my girlfriends. You made some good points,thank you for sharing.
Thank you. I am a year into this, still a learning experience for me and I know each household and family is different for sure. These are just some tips that have helped to maintain a bond during these trying times.
I don’t have teens of my own, but I teach high school. So I am around teens all the time. I agree with much of this from my experience.
It’s an interesting perspective you’ve written here. I sometimes wonder if this has to do with geography. The way kids are raised where I come from is very different than how they’re raised where I live now. I have stepdaughters; 19, 16 and 10 and I’d say that yeah, they don’t want lectures but the parental alarms shouldn’t be shut off. If you cannot teach your teen life lessons, they’ll learn them somewhere else. I’d prefer it come from their father, mom or me. 🙂
I think what has worked for me, as a parent, and I am still new to this teen gig (only a year into it). Is to be open minded, hear her out. Not lecture in that moment. I take time to hear her out, ask her thoughts, opinions, etc and get a feel for where she is at. Since I feel confident that she ultimately replies with her own right determination based on the questions I may ask or what not (you see my teen is first born and well beyond her years so maybe because of that, our conversations and parenting is a bit more unique) or I could be wrong. I just have noticed if I immediately start to lecture, parent during her rant, she will just stop talking. IF I choose to listen, feel out what her thoughts are on it, then either commend her in that moment for the right decisions OR bring the subject up in a different light when she’s calmer about it; that works much better as the parent in my scenario anyways. 🙂 I totally agree I would much rather have my teen learn from her parents than their peers – those peers are something else these days 🙁
Great advice! My oldest hits teendom in September. I sometimes remind myself how I was as a teen/preteen and remember it could be worse… so far not so bad!
That’s certainly something I think of often – it could be worse. I was so much worse than she is now .. that’s for sure!
Looking back I feel very sorry for my parents – I was an awful teen! These sound like some great tips to help. x
I hear you! I wasn’t too bad, but looking at how my teen is – I am thankful she has yet to seem interested in what I had done back at her age. Thank goodness!
Great advice. I am ending the teen years with my three. I would definitely agree with don’t lecture. As soon as they sense a lecture, they turn you off.
I am only in year one of having a teen. It’s been like “where is my little girl?!” She’s great, in all reality just the hormones are tough to deal with. Luckily she’s a girl and I am a girl, so I understand the hormones in women thing!
Great tips! lecturing is a not an effective way to teach our teens.. They will ignore and stay away
great tips. this is what i really think often on how to lecture them but i think you got it all right. 🙂
I have two that are passed those teen years but in a few more years I’ll be going through this with my youngest son. Great advice!
I can certainly identify with not encouraging drama. My daughter isn’t even a teen yet and she can get dramatic. If I respond in a dramatic way, it can get even worse. But if I answer in a calm, encouraging way she usually calms down.
I have never had children and can’t imagine trying to bring them up in this day and age. I know if I did have teens, I’d be needing lots of advice like this.
Agreed with the drama part as well. We are going through this righ tnow with my 13yr old daughter. With her softball team and at school Double drama