Before my middle child receive the final diagnosis of High Functioning Autism, we knew he had some autistic tendencies, one of which was the requirement of a predictable, routine driven environment. I am a spontaneous, fly by the moment, live life adventurously type of person so when the counselor told us we would need to try to enforce some type of routine within Aj’s life, I lost it. I genuinely thought I was going to be miserable raising this child, because I do not much like the constraints a routine driven environment brings. With that being said, I do know children thrive on a consistent parenting style, but Aj was going to require a strict more predictable lifestyle than I was ready to offer.
I was basically told that I have to do what I need to in order to raise my child to the fullest as well as to work towards keeping meltdowns to a minimum, routines and predictability seemed to be what Aj thrived on. This was new to me, after all I raised a pretty adaptable little girl who went with the flow of things and really didn’t seem to care if we hopped in the car for a sudden ride or trip, she was my first born and to this to this day, she is still an adaptable, resilient child. Aj is not his sister, nor is his brother like him either; each of my three children bring on a different style and level of parenting for me. Aj was my first experience of raising a second born child, who was not at all like his older sibling. I am always up for a challenge, but when I found out I would need to get a handle on setting up some form of visual routine for Aj, I nearly lost it.
My anxiety hit me. I didn’t want to conform to such tight rules and regulations in my life. I did not want this at all, but I did want and love my child. I knew I had to suck it up, find my unselfish ways within and learn to become even more selfless than I already was as a parent. I could do this, but it would take some time. Within a year or two, I was able to nail down a pretty solid routine that I wrote up on a poster board. My first experience of setting and enforcing a strict, predictable daily routine was during Summer break. I felt Summer break brought a more lax time for us as a family and in turn would be the most opportune time to set forth my experiment in seeing how well Aj did after he had a more predictable world.
Aj thrived. Aj became more adaptable and he quickly built trust within the four walls we called home, beacuse he felt secure and safe, he knew what to expect on a regular and in turn learned to adapt without a meltdown to rare unpredictable moments. Aj will turn 9 in August and anyone who knew him back in the day can see how far he has come; it took his Dad and I a lot of long, hard work as parents to get Aj here, but we did it. I no longer need a poster board routine up on the wall, because our lives have become so routine driven for the benefit of Aj that we all simply mold to that naturally. Brother and Sissy know that if they want to go to the beach spur of the moment or take a trip to Grampa’s that we need to prepare Aj for it.
We all work together to make sure the life we have as a family unit works. We go by our family motto; Peace, Love & Happiness, every single day. Raising a child with high functioning autism has opened our eyes to have a deeper level of education and empathy on special needs children. We are so blessed to have Aj in our lives, more so than he even realizes. My advice to you, as parents, is to remember that sometimes our kids do not mold into our standards or expectations, sometimes just sometimes, we need to mold to form our parenting style to our children, even if it means changing how we have lived our own lives forever.
Children are a true blessing that we must work hard to educate, raise and love … no matter what.
My youngest has ADD and a very tight routine is what works best for him. I think each family has to do what’s right For them!
You are one amazing mama girl! Raising a child with autism is really difficult. Keep up the good work girl!
As a former Special Ed Teacher I have worked with many children with Autism, and they are very visual and routines do help to keep them more calm. I can empathize with your trepidation at the changes that would bring to your life, as I am not one for rigid structure either! It is not easy!
Autism is such a horrible thing for the one suffering with it and for his or her family. I think its great that you’ve been able to give your son all the love he needs in an environment that helps him thrive.
You are so strong to push through and create that environment. It sound like it’s really paying off, too. I know that makes you happy.
You sound like such a great mom! I never really had a schedule or routine with my first child.
It’s apparent how much you love your children, by adapting to their needs. So many people try to get their kids to fit their molds and with some it will work, but for most it will not. I struggle with our older child on an almost daily basis. He is VERY stubborn and headstrong — and our personalities clash a lot. I’ve learned to pick my battles and sometimes go with the flow for both his sake and mine!
Routine and planning were not something that came easily for me either. Slowly but surely I have gotten to like planning and having a calendar to plan things.
My son is very into routine and planning. Making sure we do things consistently is important to keep him from having anxiety.
I’m so glad you worked it out. We are raising our grandson and I’m old!!! Well, not too old, but it’s hard for me to keep up with him sometimes. But we do what we have to to make sure he gets a full life that he deserves.
I can see how adaptive as a parent can be key. No one way can work for every situation!
Every child and every situation is so different. It is so hard to keep up with kids sometimes!
I also have a son that is high functioning on the autism spectrum and works best with a routine, but I absolutely crave a routine as well. In fact, being without one would drive my OCD insane! You rock for being a mom that is not afraid to make adjustments.
I can only imagine trying to do the daily mama grind then add an autistic child to the mi. You are doing amazing!
I had great routines when they were kids but now that they are older, it’s a free for all in my house
I’m impressed with the way you and the family has adapted to make adjustments for Aj. Understanding that everyone has different needs is a big step and you all did it.
Big hugs to you mama! You deserve recognition for all you do for your kids. It sure isn’t easy raising a child, let alone one with autism, but it sounds like you have a system that’s really working for your family.
Looks to me like you’re doing a fine job raising these kids. Parenthood teaches us as much as it does the kids. We find out just how much we’re able to do.
Parenting is a challenge for any parent regardless of our circumstances, but you were handed something not everyone is prepared for. I do believe that God only gives us what we can handle. Plus since God entrusted you with these three blessings, then I know he saw something in you that even you didn’t know was there. It looks like you’re doing. They seem pretty happy and proud.
I know many families will be glad that you posted this encouraging post.
I think every parent needs to be open to changing things and adapting to the needs of their child. Having a child with special needs only makes that more important.
My brother is 28 with mild autism. I know autism is a growing epidiemic unfortunately for many families but I have lived with it for 20+ years. My brother is a routine and repetitive person even at 28! He loves his 80s music and his same tv shows he watch every day. Sometime my mom still somewhat tries to break him out of his habit to make him do “normal” things but my brother only tolerates it for so long. The moral of the story with people with autism they are okay with repitition it actually makes them extremely happy. I am glad you are able to adapt to your son’s routine.
You’re doing such a great job, mom! It’s not easy raising a child with Autism, and you’re doing a good job.
I grew up with parents who had a different parenting style than I needed as a child. We made it work, but I’m grateful my parents, like you, were willing to adapt to my needs.
I don’t know a lot about autisim, but I have read a little. I don’t know if I would have been able to do what you do.
You sound like such a loving, patient mom. How sweet!
You sound like an awesome mom and you are doing a great job. I don’t have kids yet but am so in awe of all that moms do.
You are a wonderful mom doing what’s best and suitable to your family! That’s what matters. We try to have schedules and more times than not we break away from the schedule!
Children truly are blessings. I have throughly enjoyed being my kids mom!!
My best friends daughter is five and is Autistic and non verbal. It is hard to see my friend struggle to keep a routine with having four kids. It makes such a difference to Krystina so it is worth all the hard work.
I know how you feel about the tight schedules. I’m lucky that my daughter, like yours, is very go with the flow. But I’m glad you’re all making it work. At the end of the day that’s really the best we can do.
Routine can be a GREAT thing with kids, especially with kids that NEED it! My son does WAY better with life on a routine, for the most part our day is planned the day before and mornings and nighttime are always the same. Summer is the hardest for us with school being out, we’re starting to adjust to a new routine now!
I have a super-smart 4-year-old, and already I have learned to try and adapt. He has SPD and we have purchased a tent, a weighted blanket, and countless hours of therapy. I never thought I’d be able to adapt, but it amazing how easy it is when you’re trying to do what’s best for your kids.
Our 8 year old is mild Aspy. We have to have a super rigid schedule for him at home as well. He sort of helped form it as he always does things in specific orders because of OCD. Get up, eat, watch his favorite show, brush teeth, etc… if he strayed from his routine it was chaos. During the school year is actually easier for us as we have to stick to a time schedule and summer can get a bit hairy now and then. You’re doing a great job! The longer they feel comfort in knowing what to expect and can find comfort in consistency, the easier the off schedule days will become! You got this!
Being a parent is always jumping through hoops. Sounds like he’s got you in his corner to help him navigate a bumpy road! That’s what’s really important.
Way to work together! Such a wonderful post and great for others to learn about different family situations.