I often wonder if marriage lasted longer with those who waited to have sexual relations until after they were wed? Who knows exactly what it is that keeps two people together in a marriage while the other couple is siting in divorce court ready to point fingers, lay blame and argue their way through an ugly divorce that ends up hurting all involved, including themselves.
I recently found an article shared by a friend on a Facebook titled You never Marry the Right Person and I just had to read this. I am always intrigued by people’s opinions on marriage, because after all I often wonder about my own decision to marry and then later on to get divorced. I still live with the hope that my family will get this thing figured out and we will continue on being strong together as a united family, but it’s difficult to fight with my own internal feelings of “is this person right for me”.
In all honesty, my ex husband who I often slip up and still call my husband from time to time or when introducing him to someone else, is a very supportive man. Although this man has flaws that annoy the hell out of me, as I am sure I do with him, we are two people on a similar quest with a very aligned future. J and I both have similar, if not the same, hopes and dreams in family life, for our children, retirement and business. Can not two people come together to make a marriage or relationship work based on common goals and dreams? I think they can.
The problem is that I did not wait to have a sexual life until after marriage, I started having sex at the age of 14 and looking back it was to feel loved, wanted and desired. I was looking to have sexual relations fulfill something missing deep inside of me, an emotional void so to speak. Of course having sexual relations did nothing for me, no gap in my emotional character was filled, I wasn’t satisfied ever and no one ever lived up to the whole package I had in my head for a healthy, desirable relationship.
After reading You never Marry the Right Person I realized that maybe, just maybe, my standards were set too high for anyone to ever fit into.
When I went from a sexually active teen and young adult to a thirty year old mother it seems my mind has changed on what is important, what one should truly value in a life long partner. This idea that my mind has changed on what a real relationship or marriage should be has changed me for the better and I can only hope that my children will be able to see that waiting for sexual relations is vitally important. I hope that I can teach my children the true meaning behind loving another person so that they do not fall into the trap of placing their wants/needs/desires so high that no one will ever fit into the mold.
I won’t try to enforce no sex before marriage, but I will do my best to teach my children that no sexual relation will fill them the way an intellectual connection between two flawed people will.