I always had a way with words, written down on paper, yet to speak to another human being as if they are a human being with feelings has not always been my strong point when I am upset or annoyed. It is all too easy at times to throw the blame at someone else, specifically your partner in life, when something has not been done or maybe wasn’t done to your liking. One of the promises I made to myself for this New Year is to start being more open about my feelings, both negative and positive alike.
Working on communicating, truly speaking with someone back and forth in a real conversation about a topic that is important, is extremely difficult for me with a specific person. I find it’s easier for me to keep reminding myself of how it used to be, of things that have happened before, essentially I resort to the non-trust mode and therefore shut down completely. Shutting down isn’t going to solve any problems nor is it going to resolve the problem at hand. I realize my fault with the difficulty in communication and have resolved to work harder at letting go of the negative things I do during a conversation.
For instance, I have decided to truly let go of things people have done to hurt me in the past. I found out I was putting someone on a higher level than my own self and expecting them to live up to it. Why I was doing this, I have no clue, because I often feel I have been held to higher standards within some of my family members minds and it’s hurtful to me. I can’t believe I was doing the same thing to another person.
From now on when a problem arises or something doesn’t get done, I no longer lay blame and I no longer lash out in words or write some long email or letter to the person. I am certain to take time to cool off and once my thoughts have been collected, sit down and discuss my feelings in the best way I know how. I also take time to apologize for maybe not using the right words or the right tone in how I am speaking. I calmly address my concern, issue, problem with the other person and we attempt to have a discussion about it.
This communication gig is a work in progress but it has certainly started to make me feel more relaxed and positive about life in general and relationships. I believe everyone should take the time to communicate effectively, efficiently and politely whenever an issue comes to light. Remember, practice makes perfect or close to it 😉