Kids Only Care about How you Made/Make Them Feel #parents

There is this saying somewhere and I cannot quite recall the exact wording, but it’s lesson to be learned within the quote is that of which many parents need to realize; children will not remember everything you bought or gave to them but rather how you made them feel growing up. This is so true because in all honesty I do not recall much of anything my parents purchased for me growing up, I remember how each of them made me feel when I was a child. In all honesty, to this day I care more about how my parents make me feel than what they say or do for or to me. To feel as if your parents care, listen attentively {even if they disagree with you} and to make you feel as if they love you unconditionally is the best feeling in the world.

Loving Mother with her sonI was one of those people who always said, as most people do find themselves saying “I will never be like my parents, ever!” I can honestly say that a lot of my decisions as a parent are based on the opposite of what either of my parents would do but then there are other situations that come up where I handle them in the exact way one or both of my parents would have handled it. Just like me having the perfect friend/parent blend of a relationship with my kiddos, I also have that perfect blend of my own parenting/my parents parenting styles mixed together so that indeed I have not “become” my parents, but built on things I learned through memories of how they parented.

Mother Daughter and pugAs my oldest nears that wonderful age of teenager she is now in those tween years, the years where everything becomes a drama fest and being that she is super sensitive like her Mama was {and still sometimes can be}, there are these tiny situations that come up for discussion with me. You see, no matter how small I feel the battle my daughter is facing with classmates, parents, friends, siblings or what have you, I always inventively listened, provided positive productive feedback and also at times played devils advocate on situations. I am often found talking in a calm, matter of fact, sweet voice to her when she needs to be calmed down from some drama fest and no matter how I handle whatever topic she is stressing over, one thing remains the same - my daughter knows that I am holding whatever she is venting to me about or talking to me about with the utmost importance. 

Sleepless SonsI do not care if my daughter is telling me about another girl rolling her eyes. Another kid calling her a cripple. I do not care if she came home to tell me that she broke a nail and it was the most embarrassing thing in the world and I feel that urge to giggle – I hold back giggles, I do not laugh at her. I listen and give her a big ole Mama hug, if I feel she is seeking advice – I give it. If I feel she just needs me to listen and make her feel loved and important – I listen.  You know, in all of the books I have read, I see that most mothers and daughters have this lapse in their closeness during the hormonal changes the girl goes through as a teen, I have to wonder if I have built such a great relationship with my daughter that our paths won’t cross as much of a dramatic, monster-ish teen years as most books portray between mother and daughter during the teen years?!

One thing I do know is that I am 100% confident my children feel important, unconditionally loved and valid. I can only hope that every other child in this world is able to feel that much love and happiness too!

 

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One comment

  1. Rosey (972 comments) says:

    Brandy, I love, LOve, LOVE this post!!! My mom wasn’t a bad mom, but she was a very selfish one who almost always put her own things over anyone or anything. My grandmother, who lived very close by, was the complete opposite and always made me feel wanted, loved, appreciated…just for being me. To this day, I cannot name one other person who has loved me so unconditionally and the way she made me feel will always, always stick with me.

    I think you are so spot-on with this post! The way you make children feel will not leave them…good or bad. It’s worth the effort to make sure your kids know how important they really are to you.

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