I firmly believe that many of us get wrapped up in making others happy; be it our children, our friends, our partner, etc. and that is how you can turn your world from positive to toxic rather quickly. Today I want you to take time to write down some of your own personal and business goals, what is it that matters to you, what is it that you want (or don’t want) in your life. Make you a priority from today forward and keep that little note of goals somewhere visible for day to day living. You will want to have this reminder of your own priorities in your face during this process of becoming a more positive thinker.
One of the compliments that many see as a positive can actually be a negative, “you are too nice”, a compliment I personally have received many times. I all too often found I was giving more of me than I could allow, and found that my happy meter was drained during this process. There is such a thing as being nice, being a great partner and a great parent while still keeping your own personal happy meter full. Setting your own goals, writing down things that you don’t want taken away within or outside of your own self, is a first step towards being positive. Being nice is one thing, but giving and giving to a point of breaking is not healthy for any person.
Here are some ways you can start to put yourself first, without maliciously hurting others in the process:
- In a relationship: start by making sure that you and your partner know what you need to make yourself feel like an individual. It is so easy to get molded into the couple part of your relationship and mold goals to achieve something within the relationship. When you start to set goals in relationship but neglect your individual goals to keep your happy meter full, the relationship will become draining and possibly be ruined. When you get consumed in making your partner happy, somewhere you lose a bit of whom you are, this happens to the best of us. Work to keep nurturing yourself, be it an hour out with friends, be it time alone to read a book, be it a long bubble bath; whatever helps to sustain your individual happy meter at full, needs to be done because it will only better your relationship in the long run.
- In Work: you are the one person everyone goes to get things done, you rarely say no and you allow your work plate to get piled high just to find out you are struggling to meet deadlines and feel your happy meter slowly being depleted. It is okay to set boundaries with work, being self-employed allows you to be a bit more constructive with how you do this, but being employed may make this option a bit more difficult. Get creative, keep open communication with your boss and remember that ultimately your individual happy meter must stay full or you no longer continue being a star employee or fabulous work at home professional. You know your own limits, stick to them and do not be afraid to say no or postpone a task that is being asked of you if you are at full capacity.
- In Friendship: start to weed out friends that do not mesh well naturally with your lifestyle. If you are friends with all soccer moms but don’t have a soccer player yourself, well you may start to feel as if you are forcing something there. If you are friends with people who have few, if anything, in common with your core values and beliefs, well you will eventually find yourself drained constantly defending your views and opinions. Navigate naturally to friends that fit within the lifestyle you are living. This means people who are part of similar groups, activities or have similar lifestyles. If you are a parent and trying to maintain a friendship with someone who is not a parent, well your schedules and the ability to maintain that friendship may diminish because with kids your schedule constraints tighten whereas the non-parental friend’s schedule is usually pretty open and spontaneous. Focus on friends that appreciate you, add value to your life and can fit into the lifestyle you lead. Friendship should form naturally, not feel forced, as that will keep your happy meter high.
- Be on Your Own: the best way to focus on yourself and to keep that happy meter full is to never allow yourself to get into a scenario where you are heavily relying on others for your happiness, for your feel-good mentality or life as you know it. Set time aside for yourself, do things on your own, without your kids or your partner, this helps you to keep self-confidence high by feeling accomplished that you did something on your own. Each week set aside 2 hours for yourself, this can be spread out through the 7 day week and would be set for you to do anything that you know within your core to maintain inner happiness. For me, taking a walk daily used to help balance me and thus allowed me to be a more positive person and not become overwhelmed with day to day life, during this 21 days to be positive, I will be bringing a brisk daily walk back into my life as it fits into my busy schedule as a means to get back onto my own individual path of maintaining my inner happy.
Overall, the best way to be a more positive thinker is to just be honest with yourself and those in your life. If something isn’t working for you, change it. If something is working for you, keep it. Continue moving on as an individual and you will find others will flock to be in your presence, because no matter how much negative this world throws at us, there is always something about a person who puts out that positive energy. A person full of positive energy pulls others to them as if a magnet to a refrigerator! Keep on being you, keep on working out what your personal goals are to maintain your happy meter on full. Cheers to a more positive 2016 for you.