No one goes into marriage, having children and creating a life together to think about the idea that this may all be shattered. Sometimes our life visions get destroyed, divorce does happen for some, and it is just a matter of life. Divorce with children doesn’t have to be the end of the world; I have seen some pretty well rounded children come from divorced parents. The key difference between those positive, well rounded children of divorce and the ones who have issues, depression and struggles with relationships are the parents.
Co-parenting is a partnership, and those divorcees who get that, rise above the situation of “why they divorced” and focus on the key matter at hand, “raising their children”. I think co-parenting is very simple, sure I didn’t get it right immediately, after all, I couldn’t much stand my first born child’s father, and well we still don’t’ see eye to eye on a lot of things, but we both do love our daughter. My ex-husband who is the father to my sons, and I, got it right immediately, we raise our boys and anything else really is off the table. I don’t care about his personal life so as long as it isn’t hurting our sons and vice versa. Co-parenting is about respect for what matters and letting go of what doesn’t, this method takes practice for some, especially if you were hurt deeply.
Rise above the pain and sorrow, do take time to mourn your divorce, but allow a normal level of time, because those children need both of their parents at tip top shape to ensure they don’t become the dressed children of divorce rather they become positive, well rounded children of divorce. I know that no matter how well two parents get along, they do both love their children and each have their own best interests at heart for the children. I have yet to find a majority of divorcees not have the best interest for children at heart, while a few divorcees plain suck and are selfish, that is not the case for the majority.
My best tips for you, as a coparent partnership is to follow these three basic rules of engagement:
- DO engage your ex about children’s activities, health concerns, sports, school and other important topics that matter to both parents.
- DO NOT engage your ex about relationships, finances and personal information that doesn’t impact the children, especially if you and your ex are walking on thin ice, this will only cause drama.
- DO engage your ex, at any time, about emergency situations, daily pride filled moments and topics that pertain to your children’s daily lives.
You see, the two adults in this situation are divorced, so a part of your personal life does need to remain separate, especially if there was messy divorces, however, both parents still have a right to know about what the child did during school that day, or how they are doing health wise. If you and your coparent are not on talking terms, try email as a form of communication for serious subjects or daily report cards to each other about the children. Once your children get a bit older, some of the conversations can be left in the hands of the children to tell each parent, but overall, even teenagers need coparents that have their head on straight and can rise above the hard feelings to teach these teenagers how we treat other adults, regardless of how badly they hurt us.
The reality is, divorce happens, and when divorce happens with children, you need to be two adults working in a business manner with the children being your business together. Remember, you won’t get it right every single time, have patience and try, that’s all one can do! Period. That’s all. The end.
16 thoughts on “Coparenting is a Partnership”
This is a great post. My sister divorced a few years ago, and she’s been having to navigate the whole coparenting thing. It’s had it’s bumps along the way, but overall it’s been going well.
I haven’t dealt with co-parenting directly, but an ex of mine had a child with someone he never even dated. That was a struggle most of the time in the beginning, but they have since learned how to co-parent pretty successfully. I am sure it’s hard to put aside hurtful or angry feelings for your child’s other parent, but I agree it must be done so you can focus on the most important factor: the child!
I’ve never had to deal with this, and I hope I never will! This is a great article for those who are about to go through it, though. Thanks!
I’ve never had to deal with this, but my daughter’s best friend has parents who are divorced. It was always a struggle with the dad, but she turned out great!
This is really great info! I know a family would could greatly benefit from this info, I will pass along! I hope I dont ever need to do this!
I do not have children and I really don’t relish the idea of marrying a man with a pre-made family because of all the drama and issues that come along with it. But there definitely has to be communication all the way around to make it work and make sure the children are getting what they need physically and emotionally.
Awesome information. Children always come first.
I grew up in a blended family. As long as everyone keeps the child in mind first and acts like a grown up, it can be a good thing. Great advice.
That’s exactly right. People need to remember that their kids should be above everything and not hurt them with their attitude. Each parent has the right and responsibility to be there whenever possible and be interested in their kids. Here’s another point of view on this subject, from the aspect of step-parenting. https://funifi.com/blog/mine-yours-and-whos-in-step-parenting/
Really interesting. Thanks for this article, it was really great.
This had some great tips. Thanks I will pass them along to my friends!
This is a great article. I love how you say to rise above the pain.
This is something I am sure many people have to work through. It is great to have the insight of someone who has been there already so I’ll be sure to pass this on if I know anyone who could use it.
It is a hard line to cross. I hope that I never have to experience this!
from what I know about you you’re so level headed and reasonable. I love that you are able to have this kind of relationship with your ex
Great advice for divorced parents. Everyone is happier when the parents can be civil.
Great post! I can imagine it could be pretty difficult to co-parent in different homes. It’s not always easy when everyone is under one roof.