I guess using the word lazy isn’t really fair when you think about being Mom to three kids and working from home, but it’s the only word I could really think of to describe the habit I got into for a long time. You see, over the years my daughter’s Dad just sort of handled everything. I got into the habit that he was great at being in control so why bother? Then as my daughter got older and we formed a closer bond of communication, I found out that she didn’t really want me to take the “back burner” anymore.
I must start off by explaining a bit of a back story as to why it was just easier for me to let him take care of everything for the most part. My middle child, second born, was difficult from day one. Aj required a lot of time and attention. There were major mood swings, he had and still sometimes has major anxiety. Aj simply is a lot like my sister and I combined. Having a child that has special needs, even if that special need is simply a mental health issue, means your hands are rather busy and the other children who seem to have it all under control tend to be forgotten.
I don’t mean that I forgot I had two other children, it was just that my daughter is the first born, the leader, she is strong and never really seemed to mind fully that her brother required so much attention. Ki was strong willed, and even if she didn’t like it, she accepted and understood that Aj needed his Mom. Looking back I can’t imagine how difficult the times with this situation were on her. Thankfully now all is well, Aj has been properly diagnosed and is doing amazing!
So now it’s time for me to start taking back some control of motherhood with my daughter and it’s a hard road. I thought I would feel overwhelmed, stressed and just not sure how I was going to tackle everything she has going on on top of dealing with my two sons, but that’s what parents do. We figure it out. There is no question when it comes to what our children need, we just do it!
So the other night when I found that I would have to go back and forth for various activities for two of my children, I didn’t feel overwhelmed, I didn’t let a moment pass by being unproductive. I made the best use of my time and even though my daughter’s Dad is very much involved in her life and still there for her stuff, I am there too. No longer am I on the back burner and it’s the most amazing feeling to see your daughter smile knowing what you went through to make sure you got to whatever it is that she has going on with two hyper boys in tow.
Not only do I show up, but I am smiling and that I think is what makes her smile most. I am showing my daughter that even when times seem overwhelming and near impossible that anything is possible if you bring a smile, a positive attitude and strength into the picture! All I can hope is that she looks back on this new found strength and is strong her own self as she faces challenges in life moving forward. After all, I believe in teaching my children through example not preaching.