Could Your Child be a Bully? #cyberbullying

As a parent we wish to think our child could do no wrong, but reality is our child could be just as guilty of being a bully as they have the potential of being a victim in a bullying situation. There is so much talk about bullying nowadays and when I grew up I was simply told “those girls are just jealous of you” and forced to shrug off all of the mean words I heard.

As a mother, when my daughter comes home telling me someone picked on her I inform her to let a teacher know or tell someone of authority at the school because I don’t have authority during the day. I also inform her that sometimes children can say mean things but remember she is amazing and to not say mean things in return.

Well my daughter is a very well behaved, sweet little girl and as a child in school I do not always know what she is being shown about life when away from me. I trust that I have raised her in a way that she can truly understand right from wrong and make the correct decisions in life, however, she isn’t miss little innocent all of the time.

I recall one time her father telling me that another child told their parent that Miss Ki had given him the middle finger. Ki’s father went off, saying how sweet and innocent Miss Ki was and that she would never do such a thing. He was seriously offended that this child, who wasn’t a very well behaved child from what I heard, would say that our little girl had done such a mean thing. Come to find out, later on that day my daughter confessed that she did indeed give this little boy the finger. She had given the little boy the finger, not knowing what it means, because her little girlfriend had said to do it. So although my daughter didn’t realize what the finger meant, she was capable of being mean. I am proud that she finally admitted to her father she did do this because that shows she at least is aware of the idea of honesty.

Next story, my daughter had said some rude things to a girl on the school bus at her other school she attended for a short period of time. My first idea of a reply was “not my daughter”. The things Ki was being accused of saying I couldn’t imagine her ever saying to another person, let alone a girl she had called her friend for a while. Come to find out my daughter was guilty of being border line bully on the bus. When asked why she said it, “the girl was a mean girl. She was talking about doing things with a seventh grade boy, like disgusting things. I don’t like her, she is gross and mean”.  I get it, this girl wasn’t obviously being raised to understand talking about SEX with a seventh grader is completely inappropriate but Ki knew it was inappropriate and used the word disgusting about it. Ki got so offended and disgusted about this that she lashed out and said some very wrong things to this girl.

My response to my daughter? As a mother I have to show my children what right from wrong is and that when we do make wrong we have to make good of what was done wrong. I had my daughter sit down and come up with an apology letter. The only concern my daughter had was that she didn’t want to be friends with this little girl, and I told her she doesn’t have to be friends with anyone she doesn’t want to, however, she is still to apology and not say things like that to anyone ever again. This was not okay behavior and unacceptable. My daughter also got grounded at home with an early bedtime and loss of her cell phone.

My sons are not in school yet, but I do feel all children will be capable of being the bully as well as the victim at some point within their lifetime. This is hard to admit, but it is very, very true!

So … could your child be a bully? Are you willing to admit and realize that it is possible or would you rather think of your child as doing no wrong ever and always being a victim?