I have a real bad habit of thinking “friends” means those you have met who are nice to you. I also have a bad habit of trying to focus on the good in people. I know every single person in this world has a bit of good in them, and yes I do believe this of some criminals. I feel that, without making excuses, life situations make some people focus more on getting negative attention versus positive attention in life, but they deep down want that positive attention.
Some people were just not raised to know that there is a positive. I can’t say I was raised to know a positive in life. I can’t say I had a bad upbringing, I mean I had two parents who loved me to death and … I think … still do. Just teasing, I know my parents love me even if I drive them crazy at times.
All I know is that about three or four years ago I made a conscious decision to think positive and one downfall to that is that I have become more involved in making other peoples lives happier without realizing I wasn’t focusing on making sure that inside of me was truly 100% happy too. I am so much better at giving advice than taking it, just ask my Mom or Dad. LOL
All joking aside, I have a bad habit of picking up those who are negative as friends. I also have a bad habit of ignoring those “red flags” from people. Like my ex husband told me, hind sight is 20/20 .. isn’t that the TRUTH?! Looking back on a recent situation I was in, I saw all the warning signs that this person was not my true friend nor someone I should have in my life but I ignored it. I focused on what I found attractive to me, and not in a physical attraction way, I am talking about similar opinions, similar interests and such.
I found that I was ignoring red flags that popped up all over, after talking to my ex husband I realized, just as I was saying these different things that I should have known this person wasn’t a friend nor a person I should have in my life but yet I kept ignoring those signs.
I wonder … how do you all handle choosing friends wisely? Do you have this check list in your mind of what is acceptable for someone to be your friend or not as far as characteristics or personality types? I am curious what you all have to say…. give me advice on choosing friends because I swear I just love everyone!
Related articles
- How Parents Can Spot Risky Behavior in Teens (abcnews.go.com)
- 10 red flags not to ignore if you seek a real relationship (relationshiptranslator.wordpress.com)
- Sit Back and Watch OR Take Action and Assist (happilyblended.com)
- Clearly I do Not Understand Some People (happilyblended.com)
I have that same problem, I look for the good in people, instead of looking for the bad or the red flags.
Yes I know you do girl! ((HUGS)) One day we will learn and follow what we know is RIGHT … it takes time and training! BIG HUGS and happy Sunday thanks for the comment!
Dam….I hope your not talking about me!! lol.
I wrote and posted something similar the other day. Great minds think alike.
LOL funny! Thanks for comment, yes your post is very similar to mine!
I do know that I don’t have to look hard to find good in you because everything about you is awesome. Hugs Girl! Happy Sunday my friend!
I have had the same problem my whole life…I dated the “bad boys” and ended up with jerks, (until I realized a nice guy was what I wanted!) and I have been hurt by many “friends” and had to choose to simply walk away and not look back. I am the type that gives trust 100% until it is broken, and always tries to believe the best. I have been (overly) generous, and I have been a doormat. One thing I have started really looking at while choosing friends is the amount of drama they end up involved in. I had one “friend” who claimed to HATE drama, and yet she egged it on and always seemed surrounded by at, all the while claiming she was the victim. Well, it turns out she creates the problems herself and then seeks out sympathy from others for the attention. I also take a good look at not only how they treat me, but how they have treated others, past and present. If a person has a history of not being able to maintain long-term friendships or relationships, there is usually a good reason for it! Also, there is the issue of substance abuse. I won’t associate with people who do hardcore drugs or are severe alcoholics. I know plenty of people who smoke pot, but I am talking harder drugs, like prescription pill addictions,etc…. Oh, and look out for obvious mental problems. I am NOT saying mental illness makes someone a bad person, but if they are unwilling to seek treatment, it can create a lot of problems for those who are close to them. Can’t you tell I’ve had to think about this a lot? lol…But since having a No Toxic People Policy, I am MUCH happier!
Awesome post Brandy. Over the past couple of years, I consciously focused on spending more time with people who are more positive because the negative “always a victim” mentality can wear off on you if you are around it all of the time.
I do have a mental checklist (kind of) but it’s more about the gut feeling. I want to spend time with people who are positive, focused, good people, going places in their lives, etc.
P.S. I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now and think it’s great. 🙂
i know how you feel. I’ve been able to successfully weed out the dead weight in my life and focus on those that matter and mean the most and the provide a support system rather than those that feed negativity.
Hey Brandy, It is great thing to always see the good in people. Sometimes though hanging around people who are always negative will tend to rub off and is not a good position to be in so I choose to surround myself with positive people when possible. Great post 🙂