I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. It is all too easy to say words, and for me it’s easy to write words, however, actions are what truly show how you are feeling towards a person. Involuntary body gestures show exactly what a person may be thinking or feeling towards you. In my own opinion if a person tells me that they are in love with me, then they would show this through affection, attention, support and little moments.
I recently read an article that reminded me of the characteristics I have displayed in my dating life, jumping into a committed relationship before I truly knew this man was the man for me. In my past I always went for the person who showed me the most physical attention, such as hugging, kissing and holding hands but as I got older and of course became a mother I started looking for a “safe” person, a person who would be able to stick with me long term, a person I could trust my heart with because after many bad relationships I wanted something “safe and content”. Of course, making this decision wasn’t the best decision I ever made, because obviously you can imagine where this relationship stands now.
To me a relationship is not all about intimacy nor is it all about gifts, to me a relationship is about a blend of romance, affection, gestures and love notes. I am not big on gift giving, I think gifts are wonderful but the thing that hits my heart fastest is a hand picked wild flower bouquet, I mean really that costs no money but it’s the right way to my heart! After reviewing many of my own and friends relationships I am able to visualize whether they will be able to last long term, and I have been right about 90% of the time. Why was I right that often? Well I have always been better at giving advice than taking my own.
I simply evaluate the couple in a way that determines ratings such as 1) Completely Sexual Relationship 2) Comfortable/Content Relationship 3) The Perfect Blend. As you can imagine rating number three is the one who would be determined to last long term, but ratings one and two are not going to last and if they do, the couple will face issues or find themselves not living their life’s purpose.
I have been known to have one of each of these relationships a few times in the past and well I ended up having kids with relationships that were not in the # 3 category. So my question is, do we stick with a content relationship for the sake of our children? To be continued ….
New Blog Post Comfortable Relationships http://bit.ly/5efSFX
Settling is telling yourself that your not good enough for better, but that’s not true. No one should settle.
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Yes, I agree that ideally it should be a perfect blend, but I also think you have to stick it out. Not just for the kids, but for your marriage. Far too many people choose divorce instead of trying to make it work.
When my hubs and I married we made a lifelong commitment. No it hasn’t been perfect, we’ve had our ups and downs. But even in our worst times never did the word divorce come up. Divorce was and is not an option for us.
That being said, if he were to ever get violent with me or the kids, that’s a totally different story. We’d be gone in a flash!
.-= Chanda @ Eco-Cheap Mom´s last blog ..Mothers Be Good to Your Daughters =-.
Oh and…
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!
.-= Chanda @ Eco-Cheap Mom´s last blog ..Mothers Be Good to Your Daughters =-.
What a great post! Can’t wait to read the rest of the story…
Just stopping by from SITS to say hello! Have a great weekend!
I don’t believe in Perfect. However, I think that there are things that make us feel good. My friend called it ‘love language’…how you recieve the messages from your partner, and how your give…That must be compatable. People are different, we all want/need/give differently.
I struggled for years trying to be compatable with my husband. He would tell me over and over…” I buy you this! I buy you that”…Unfortunately, THAT was not how I felt affection…The same was tru for how I was giving love to him…it was just not compatable with how he recieved it.
I’m going to stick with the whole “follow your gut”. You Know…if you are listening, you will hear wether or not you are in the right relationshiip. Tough times happen…but a realtionship should not be a constant struggle over who is doing right or not. You are either compatable or not…THAT compatablity is what will carry you through the tough times.
Much love on your journey…
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Managing the Healing Process =-.
First of all, thanks for mentioning my article, I’m glad you like it. I think that you’re rating system is right on point. It’s true though, being a mom complicates the way we view relationships. We can’t help but think about what we want most for our kids first, and what is best for ourselves second. Just don’t be too hard on yourself, in the end you’ll know what’s best for you.
.-= Tina T´s last blog ..The Biggest Dating Mistake Women Make =-.
to your question: yes, some do. Not all.
Waiting how the story continues…
.-= BLOGitse´s last blog ..you give me WOrds and I give you an IMAge = WO*IMA #51 =-.
I am in a content relationship myself. Things are not always the way I would want them – romance, passion, and all that. But I have chosen to focus on the good of my husband instead of the bad. We all have something about us that could use some changing. I used to try to CHANGE my husband to be more like what I wanted and I found that it made me more frustrated. So instead, I started to change ME and the way I see things. This was life changing for me and eventually I started seeing a change in my husband.
Life with children is not easy. Our focus is split in all different ways. But instead of thinking about how we can get more from our husbands – we need to think – how can I GIVE more to them.
There will be ups and downs, fights, arguments, disagreements. But underneath all that mundain everyday life stuff – there is still a love that is what started it all. Keep that alive somehow. I try to do that by giving more, even when I don’t feel like it one bit. Focus on what made you fall in love with him in the first place.
I love ya sweety and yes, I think you should stay in your marriage even if it is only “content” at this point. Marriage is work, but it is also a wonderful gift. Stay positive girly. 🙂
DAWN
.-= Dawn (Painter Mommy)´s last blog ..Giveaway Winner: “What I Know” Autographed Book =-.
[…] 18th, 2010 · No Comments This post is a continuation from Comfortable Relationships. I always get various comments when it comes to relationship issues, especially when it pertains to […]
there may be 3 categories… but I do not think the 3rd is “perfect” blend, no such thing as perfect.. and there may be a very few that are close to that, rare!…
I think it is #2 with give & take, and love & respect thrown in… it is NOT settling by any means…
having been married almost 37 years together 39, we have been through many good times and many more hard times… I was much more quieter?? in the beginning but I was very young when married, and as the kids got older I got more courage & spoke up more, but my hubby never tried to put me under his thumb & was always supportive…
and he is the more romantic one in the relationship…
I look forward to part 2!!