The pain of walking into a store alone, it was so real. To this day I can feel the depths of the dagger that twisted into my stomach with the mere thought of walking into a public location alone. I recall my mother not fully understanding how I could not just walk into the store or the bank, memory can’t bring back which it was. To my mom I am sure it seemed like a mere simple task, you get out of the car and walk into the place, but inside I was dying.
Living with Anxiety
The stigma of anxiety haunts me on a regular basis; living with anxiety is no joke. While I wasn’t diagnosed until a year or so after my first child’s birth, I still recall teen years full of anxious feelings. Had I know back then would things have been different, who knows. All I do know is that I struggle with anxiety; it’s simply part of my reality. Anxiety harms others and can deter you from doing things you so want to experience. My proper diagnosis is Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or so that is what the doctor told me all those years ago.
Triggers for Anxiety
The majority of anxiety to current date seems to be triggered by new circumstances or experiences. A crowded restaurant may get my heart pumping and my body shaking. I just don’t do well with the initial arrival at a crowded place. Another memory was in 2011 when I attended my first blogging conference. The anxiety was so painful that I didn’t want to come out of my hotel room until Mommadjane arrived. I was simply too scared to walk downstairs to a room full of bloggers I had never met before. I have the memory of Kelby from Type-A the person who runs this conference telling me to get my butt downstairs. Finally I ventured down, on my own and fully enjoyed myself, but it was not an easy step.
Fighting Anxiety
To this day I will continue to fight those anxious moments and try to work through them. I want to be a good example to my own daughter who suffers much like I did as a teen from these anxious feelings. She too can be caught having a panic attack when we arrive at a crowded destination and much like I was as a teenager, she hasn’t learned how to rise beyond it. Anxiety can damage a person’s ability to live life fully and if you know me, that’s what I desire to do most.
Social Queen with Anxiety?
It’s funny because I can be quite the little social queen when placed in the right environment, only those closest to me have to deal with the inner demons of this monster that I was diagnosed with many moons ago. Many can’t see how such a social gal could suffer so deeply, but I do and continue to suffer from anxiety. For me, it’s about being stronger than the condition. Maybe my anxiety isn’t as deep as other people who suffer from it or maybe I am just a fighter of a person, whatever it is, I continue to research, work with and rise above my anxiety with every panic attack that hits.
I am someone who will always refuse to let anxiety consume me 100% and I hope I can teach my daughter to do the same as she grows older.
This little story was created in response to ProBlogger’s weekly challenge. To read other blog posts in this challenge, please search #blogginggroove to find others partaking in this weekly content creation challenge.
Hey girl! Thanks for sharing your story. I understand how you feel. My personality type is INFJ. I love being around people and am often described as outgoing. And yet I suffer from a lot of social anxiety and especially hate being around large groups of people I don’t know well. It’s hard for some people to understand, but it’s good to know we’re not alone.
Thanks so much for this – it really gives a clear picture of what so many people go through and awareness is so important for instilling compassion and understanding.
Anxiety runs in my family. It can definitely be debilitating if not caught and treated.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I do not suffer from any form of anxiety, but I have several friends who do, and it’s extremely tough on them at times.
This is very helpful! It helped me understand those people suffering from this condition.
Anxiety sucks! My daughters suffer from anxiety, one from a head injury and it pains me as a mom that I can’t help either of them. They have to work it out as you have and know what to do when
I have a lot of anxiety when facing a lot of new people, too. I think A LOT of us do, so you are not alone. I power through and most people are surprised to know how shy I feel when I act like I am outgoing. I decided in middle school that I was going to be an outgoing person and would say out loud to myself in the mirror, “I am outgoing. I am outgoing.” It really did help, but it also helps now for me to recognize and honor that I do struggle with anxiety, too.
This is a great post. I have a friend who struggles with anxiety and now I understand her struggle better.
This helps me understand what it’s like a lot better. It’s great that you’re so aware of your anxiety and you’re able to fight it.
Anxiety is something that I have had issues with for years. Especially out in social situations it gets so super bad! it can be so awful and hold me back from so many things!
I think it is so important to be self aware. I definitely have anxiety and feel it is more common than most people realize.
I can totally relate to this post. I’m the same way as you: if I’m put in the right scenario, then I can socialize really well – I kind of go in both extremes. Many of my friends don’t believe my anxiety because they’ve only witnessed my “outgoing” side.
I also have anxiety, but mine centers around my health and the health of my family. You are not alone!
Anxiety is the worst! I get it very often and really need to just breath and try to relax!
Anxiety is no joke. I have had to learn different ways around panic attacks in my time.
One of my kids suffers from anxiety and it’s such a hard struggle! I’m so glad you’re talking about this! Too few people are willing to share their struggles!
It’s never easy to deal with anxiety and what’s sad is that people don’t really take it seriously. I think it’s brave of you to share your story and no anxiety is too small to talk about, really.
Anxiety can be one of those silent demons that you have to fight from within unless you let others in. Thanks for sharing!
It takes guts to share about your anxiety. I have a couple friends that have it and I try to help them as much as I can.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I too suffer with anxiety as does my daughter. It’s not an easy road but with the right mind set and support system we can make it through!
It is so hard to live with anxiety. I find most people do not understand unless they have experienced it.
It’s great that you’re getting the word out to help people understand more. My DIL gets overwhelmed sometimes, doing simple things. I wonder if she has a touch of anxiety.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is powerful but also worded in a way that makes it easy for everyone to understand what it is like going through life with anxiety.
thanks for sharing your story. I know a lot of people will learn from your experience
I have a friend who hides from her anxiety a lot and tries to pretend it’s not there in order to please people. It makes me sad.
This is very helpful. It is really hard to deal with anxiety and make people understand what’s going on.
Living with anxiety can be so terrible. I wish we can make many posts about it so people will be aware and will deal with it properly.
You sound like a strong person, that’s what I would pick for your reasoning behind your survival rate from anxiety. I’m sure you’ll do great with teaching your daughter and guiding her from her troubles once she faces her own.