Dating is something semi-foreign to me. I honestly have not ever taken time to get to know someone before jumping right into something drop dead serious, there are many reasons for this. The reasoning behind jumping right in, that seems to have been number one, was because people were not willing to give space, have space and respect certain areas and instead of realizing that those type of scenarios wouldn’t work well in the long haul, I went with it. I followed along. I didn’t think one-hundred percent for myself, or maybe I just let lust play the cards. Whatever the reasons, as I venture into seeing someone, who is absolutely amazing to me, I find it difficult to accept that he is genuinely on the same page as me. He is taking things at a pace, that I actually wanted to be at, going with the flow in a feet-on-the-ground sort of way! I admire that, because for once, it is someone who is going along with how I had foresaw things happening this time around, if I happened upon someone of interest.
I drive myself batty sometimes just thinking about how he is feeling, what is going on inside of his mind, and in turn I respond or start conversations based on that feeling in the moment. One thing this man has started to teach me is to have a bit more control, not that I have it yet, but that having a bit more of a reign on your emotions can really assist in great communication skills, less misunderstandings and a deeper connection than two people would get when they go all-in based on lustful or first-meet flutters. As much as I admire his sense of control, and how well-controlled he is, this isn’t easy for me. We communicate, discuss things and have covered a ridiculously wide rang of topics from what we want in our futures, what we are passionate about, business, life, love, marriage, whatever – no topic has been off limits for us and it just flows. When I am not being ridiculously emotional.
This man that I am seeing, dropped flowers & a card off at work the other day, just because. Now normally that type of surprise, from a guy that I wasn’t quite “in a relationship” with, would honestly freak me out a bit. With him? It didn’t freak me out one bit, it made me smile with complete happiness. I was so darn excited to see him before I did my mad dash rush off to motherhood duties. You know, sometimes I question if I deserve this treatment. Why me? What in the world did I do to deserve someone who is kind, compassionate, controlled, caring, friendly and honest? The answer really is simple; those who know me deepest say that I deserve such treatment, and I do deserve it. I deserve every moment of this start of something special. So why do I get in my own way?
Based on thinking about conversations with this man, I can tell that I lack the level of control on emotions that he has mastered. One thing that makes me happy that he has come into my life is this: I have always been that person to encourage self-growth in others, it has always been me trying to work with someone on being a better self, this time around, it seems I am the one being encouraged, listened to and advised on best ways to work on some areas I need working on. Do not get me wrong, this man is not telling me things I need to work on “for him” or in any way am I thinking about things to work on based solely on our dating; I have always been about self-growth and being fully aware of things that I can work on. This man simply encourages me to continue to work each day to be better, more aware and in more control of emotions as well as keep a level head about me.
There is nothing better than knowing the person you are seeing brings more positive into your world, less negative and is able to articulate words combined with actions, that if I step back and view the obvious reality of our few times together, our voice and text conversations, I can realize that we are taking our time to work on a fantastic bond. If this ends up being a beautiful friendship, a learning experience, or a long-lasting relationship, I am thankful for it. I am simply enjoying this time and going to work on speaking less in moments of high emotions, and listening to hear more often than not. Cheers to moving forward in a positive direction!
