Weight is something that we struggle with all of the time. Our metabolism isn’t the greatest and I have learned that being active has to play a key role in our world; both mine and my children. My children were raised knowing that we do things outside, we take hikes, we walk nature trails, and we have a good balance of technology, family time and outdoor time together. That is just how it has always been, that is until I started living with the man I am with now. It’s like the activity stopped because his kids and him didn’t enjoy this nature time as much as my kids and I do; now our weight levels are paying for this lack in activity.
My oldest had her visit with pediatrician for that lovely annual checkup when the pediatrician looked concerned, my daughter’s height is in the 90th percentile while her weight is about the 97th percentile; which really isn’t huge but is certainly a worry since her weight is creeping up there and looking at her charts, you can see an increase in how the weight is going up faster than height – as a person who believes in balance, you can know that I wasn’t happy seeing a chart “off balance”.
Here is the thing; my daughter and I are both very aware of the weight, we are in tune with our bodies, who we are and how we work. Talking about the right food choices, being active and being better at working to ensure our weight doesn’t tip the scale. Then it happened, we got lectured, in quite a normal way but to me, it was wrong to do when a middle school child, full of changing hormones and questions and you know, just this fragile time of year. Should we talk to a nutrionalist, should we be more active, should we eat better? I mean she is talking to my child who eats the best, in all honesty, my daughter does have this sugar addiction that was getting a wee bit out of control, but we knew this and we had already been on with working on that.
I mean, I get that the child needs to understand their weight is concerning, at any age, but I just feel that the way we were being spoken to was as if we were not aware or that we were failing our child. You see, my daughter didn’t once say that she indulges in soda, junk food and sweets on a regular; she actually told the honest story of how she eats a pretty balanced diet and is a big water drinker, although she did note that she could be better about water intake. I just wonder, is there a better way to go about informing a child that they need to be more active? Like in a positive way, so that during this middle school age they don’t feel as if their pediatrician is being a total “out to get them” person? I am glad my daughter didn’t feel this way, like I said, she is really confident and we are very open in this home about any subject, so weight is often on the table and new activity ideas, food choices, etc is something that we discuss on a regular.
I just think that maybe, just maybe, there should be a pediatrician listening harder to a child (and parent) who is saying that we are working on things; here is what we have been doing, what else could we be doing, and actually give us a better answer than well why don’t you go see a nutrionalist when I am telling this pediatrician that we have made decent food choices. Maybe it’s just me, being Mama bear, but I just think there is way too much pressure put upon middle school girls to be a certain size. My daughter, in all honesty, is almost my size, do I want to see her gain more weight? No, I would like to see her tone up, but being pushy and mean about it? Doesn’t work for her, what does work is encouraging words and that is just what happened.
I spoke with Ki and we talked about the appointment and she came up with a plan to increase water and we both are going to try to be more active with a daily walk. The water increase alone as allowed her two lose 2lbs in a week, while that may not happen long term, I am happy to see her smiley face when that scale tipped down 2lbs after drinking a healthy level of water all week. I just don’t want a kid who is obsessed with weight, as in the number, I want a kid who is educated in healthy choices and being healthy!
Words do matter. My daughter was an avid dancer. She’d dance for anyone and she was great at it. Hubby told her she was ‘jiggling’ once (she had a little tummy at the time) and she quit dancing. 🙁 To him it was a joke, not funny, but he didn’t mean it harsh. She took it hard. Self esteem is very fragile when they’re kids… it’s so easy to mess up, even when the person talking has good intentions.
This is such a great post. I never said anything to son about him getting a little chunky. I just started buying healthier foods and encouraged him to workout with me. He was so excited when he found he had lost 14lbs at his last checkup.
My daughter used to be stick skinny but now she has a rare disease that, among other things, messed with her metabolism. She has gained weight and it has been a struggle for her. This is a good post; lecturing does not help.
It’s amazing how innocent words can be viewed as harsh criticism by a tween or teen. I have a friend with a daughter and her dad told her she was out of shape. True it was not a very nice thing to say, but she took that as saying she was fat and has been obsessed with her weight ever since. Thank you for sharing this post.
It sounds like her pediatrician could have handled the situation a lot better. I am glad she didn’t let it get to her though. At any rater, no matter what weight, increasing your water intake is always a good idea!
My 10 year old has it in his head that he is overweight – and he’s NOT. At all.
I personally don’t have issues with a pediatrician talking to a middle school age child about their weight. I am glad to see that they are being proactive and not just treating diseases or health issues/problems.
Of course, it needs to be done the right way with the parent present.
It’s hard to strike the right balance of having a kid who is healthy and an appropriate weight without becoming obsessed. So much of our later health is set on a path beginning in late childhood.
Increasing water will always help. A positive outlook is great and sounds like she has that.
As the mom of two teen girls, it’s a tough balance between wanting them to be healthy and not making it all about weight. I want them to be fit and healthy, not worried about what their tummy looks like.
Words do hurt for all ages. I agree there is so much pressure about size – we are all different.
There is a lot of pressure. I feel like middle school is a time anyways where kids gain a little weight and then in a year or so shoot up. I think there should be more of a focus on being healthy rather than looking thin.
Those days can be so tough for kids! I hope the plan works for you! Glad you’re doing it together
It’s just SUCH a hard age. Middle school was when I started to notice what others thought of me.
Kids in that age range can be so fragile. It is hard to imagine a dr. making a child feel so bad. In his defense, though, he probably hears from families that they are doing all the right things, even though they aren’t. Looks like you guys have it under sontrol though. Best of luck!
This is so sad that little girls would even have to worry about this. I have never been a small girl, and it is a hard thing to deal with.
I agree with you that the conversation should have been about healthy eating, etc and not about weight and appearance. People focus on the wrong things sometimes.