My boyfriend, Lee, and I spend way too much time discussing parental issues, challenges with children and occasionally I have to gear Lee back into the present day and remind him to focus on the future. Upon a discussion over the weekend Lee mentioned something about his childhood and then we went on to discuss how to work with figuring out how to help him co-parent more positively. Not an easy task by the way. While I was listening to Lee speak, one thing popped into my head, he has spent more time trying to give his kids a friendship bond and protect them from real consequences as a way to have something that he didn’t feel he had as a child.
That is when I went “ding ding ding” and put my index finger in the air, I said to Lee “that right there is the problem. You need to stop thinking about giving your children what you feel you didn’t have and focus on the parent you want to be”. I could have wasted so many years of my life and parental life thus far if I was so focused on giving my kids what I felt I didn’t have. I would have not been able to find that balance of friend and parent, I would have failed in my own personal mission to parent. When I explained that to Lee, he had a light bulb go off in his head, I could see his eyes light up like “OMG, wow. You are right.”
We all know that sometimes a situation requires an outsiders opinion, voice and/or listening ears. I have always been really good at working with children and some adults. I prefer helping children because I am really good at that, but occasionally I seem to have some advice that makes perfect sense to adults as well. This was one of those times where what I said happened to click with someone, even if that someone is my boyfriend.
What he does beyond that conversation is up to him, he needs to think for himself and seek me for advice but parenting style is something each person needs to determine on their own in order to solve their own challenges with various aged children. I am here for him as a partner in life, encouragement to move forward and a shoulder to lean on when he feels like giving up.
For me, it was rather simple to tell him how I felt about parenting. The reason being, I let go of “not wanting my kids to be raised like me” a long time ago. I realized focusing on what I didn’t want only fueled more negative in my world. I decided to focus on what I did want, because based on the Law of Attraction – when you focus and feel within your heart deep to your soul what you DO want, the universe responds. This isn’t an immediate thing, for example,in April 2012 I made my first vision board. In January 2013, I had successfully seen FIVE of the NINE items I have on my vision board COME TRUE.
So you tell me, do you parent in a positive note?? Do you focus on what you DO want as a parent or do you get caught up, just like Lee, in what we DO NOT want as parents?
Focus on the DO WANTS and the DO WANTS will happen, eventually!
“When you focus and feel within your heart deep to your soul what you DO want, the universe responds.”
I love your quote and that is oh so so so very true!!
Glad you were able to help your bf too. It’s awesome when conversations like that result in a ding-ding-ding moment. Advice from someone you can trust is priceless when it’s great like that.