Kids Only Care about How you Made/Make Them Feel #parents

There is this saying somewhere and I cannot quite recall the exact wording, but it’s lesson to be learned within the quote is that of which many parents need to realize; children will not remember everything you bought or gave to them but rather how you made them feel growing up. This is so true because in all honesty I do not recall much of anything my parents purchased for me growing up, I remember how each of them made me feel when I was a child. In all honesty, to this day I care more about how my parents make me feel than what they say or do for or to me. To feel as if your parents care, listen attentively {even if they disagree with you} and to make you feel as if they love you unconditionally is the best feeling in the world.

I was one of those people who always said, as most people do find themselves saying “I will never be like my parents, ever!” I can honestly say that a lot of my decisions as a parent are based on the opposite of what either of my parents would do but then there are other situations that come up where I handle them in the exact way one or both of my parents would have handled it. Just like me having the perfect friend/parent blend of a relationship with my kiddos, I also have that perfect blend of my own parenting/my parents parenting styles mixed together so that indeed I have not “become” my parents, but built on things I learned through memories of how they parented.

As my oldest nears that wonderful age of teenager she is now in those tween years, the years where everything becomes a drama fest and being that she is super sensitive like her Mama was {and still sometimes can be}, there are these tiny situations that come up for discussion with me. You see, no matter how small I feel the battle my daughter is facing with classmates, parents, friends, siblings or what have you, I always inventively listened, provided positive productive feedback and also at times played devils advocate on situations. I am often found talking in a calm, matter of fact, sweet voice to her when she needs to be calmed down from some drama fest and no matter how I handle whatever topic she is stressing over, one thing remains the same – my daughter knows that I am holding whatever she is venting to me about or talking to me about with the utmost importance. 

I do not care if my daughter is telling me about another girl rolling her eyes. Another kid calling her a cripple. I do not care if she came home to tell me that she broke a nail and it was the most embarrassing thing in the world and I feel that urge to giggle – I hold back giggles, I do not laugh at her. I listen and give her a big ole Mama hug, if I feel she is seeking advice – I give it. If I feel she just needs me to listen and make her feel loved and important – I listen.  You know, in all of the books I have read, I see that most mothers and daughters have this lapse in their closeness during the hormonal changes the girl goes through as a teen, I have to wonder if I have built such a great relationship with my daughter that our paths won’t cross as much of a dramatic, monster-ish teen years as most books portray between mother and daughter during the teen years?!

One thing I do know is that I am 100% confident my children feel important, unconditionally loved and valid. I can only hope that every other child in this world is able to feel that much love and happiness too!