When I was a child I remember doing what most children do, wishing to be an adult so that I could make my own decisions and my own rules. I feel that’s a common feeling for most children, they think they know what the world has in store for them and think it’s a piece of cake. Once I hit the ripe years of a teen I was very rebellious and I am glad I was because I honestly feel that’s why I am able to take control and be a good parent now.
So move forward to the year of 2010, I will be 30 years old next October in 2011 and I am finding that I feel there’s a topic that needs to be addressed; is your business your parents business once you have grown up to be an adult and moved out on your own?
I personally feel that once you are an adult it is no longer your parents business what’s going on in your life. Obviously you can make a choice to invite them into your life and share what’s going on with them, but if you choose not to invite them into your personal business then it should be just fine and acceptable. As adults we are going to make decisions our parents are not always going to accept, support or appreciate. The joys of being a parent include worrying about your child no matter how old they are, which is fine, but when someone wants to say that your business will always be your parents business I have to politely say “I disagree”.
The reason for my disagreement on this is because I feel the whole reason our parents are to “form” us or “mold” us, so to speak, as we grow to be adults is to allow us to go free while they feel they did the best job raising us that they could. Does that mean they don’t worry? Heck no, I know when my children grow up to be adults I will be worried, concerned about whether they are making right decisions or good decisions, but I will also make the choice to stay out of their business unless they confide in me and open up.
When my children are adults all I can say is that I will be open to hearing them on what’s going on but do basically what my father does to me, remind me it’s my life but provide his honest opinion about the situation. I am open to parents providing opinions if it is provided as simple as that … another persons opinion. I feel that once you are an adult you make a choice to tell your parents about your life and if you choose to not tell them a single thing, or not tell them the whole story or talk about everything that is going on in your life, then you have that right to do so {or not do so}.
What do you think? Do you think that even as adults your business becomes your parents business no matter what? I invite an open, respectful, honest communication/discussion about this topic because I have seen so many other people struggle with this topic.
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Great post. But I would like to know your opinion on what age you think it’s time to step away. You say “adult” – does this mean 18?
Great question Kirsten. I am not sure you can place an age on when is the best time to step away. I believe at 18 u are an adult but every parent/child relationship is totally different. For instance, if you have a child who is now 18 and wishes you to back away a bit then as a parent we would need to respect their wishes while hoping you did a good job raising them so that you can have comfort in knowing they are going to do what’s best for them. When I was 17 I was living out on my own, I grew up faster than most so I was ready to be out of my parents life fast. I have a very close bond with my father and tell him more than I am sure he wants to know sometimes, but my mother and I haven’t bonded in the same way and so what I feel is when I don’t want to tell her something about my life then I should simply have that right without judgment or criticism from her or her side of the family. It’s all a matter of how close you are and respecting what your child wants at whatever age it is they feel they wish for some freedom or independence, of course after they are deemed “adults”. Does that make sense?
No way! It’s only my parents’ business if I choose to share it. I’m very walled off with my family actually and share very little. Part of that comes from being in a family business and feeling so exposed. Now when I don’t have to have them knowing everything, I relish the privacy. It’s part of the reason I never wanted to move here to begin with, and a huge part of the reason I’m moving away now that I can.
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Yes, I think you get just what I am going through! And wow was that fast?! I was JUST at your blog! LOL
I think there is a fine line. I still want to be respectful, but I expect them to be respectful of me and my choices as well. I also think it is good to weigh parents opinions, because in a lot of situations they have been there and have some wisdom. I guess I am thinking of big choices and not just everyday living.
I think a big part of it is moving a ways away when you are first married helps to establish your family and your boundaries.
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