Day 3: Step in the Right Direction

Finally after realizing a lot about my self and the fake smiling as well as how truly painfully shy I was I decided to start moving in the right direction. Coffee helped me with the energy level of being a single mom, working nearly full time and juggling the fast paced, multi-tasking administrative assistant position I held. Did I tell you that the office I worked in only had 2 other people in it? Yes indeed and they both introduced me to their religious beliefs  in a way that wasn’t pushy. I wasn’t raised with any education in religious beliefs but found myself intrigued with how much their behaviors and attitude stemmed from their faith.  I do not and will not discuss religion any further, it simply was an important factor in what moved me to become a better person all around, therefore had to be mentioned.

I started teaching myself to not worry about what others think, I started holding my head up high and not worrying if I had a boyfriend or not. I worked my butt off to get on my own feet without state assistance and slowly but surely, as seen in pic above, I was able to start being silly, outgoing and not worry about if someone was judging me. I became less judgmental myself and learned that you need to trust in people who are there to help you.

I sat down and thought about all the wrong things people have done to me in my life, which you don’t even want to hear half of the traumatic experiences I have been through. I haven’t shared them with my family and I certainly will not share them on my “family friendly” blog either. Just know I have been through a lot of traumatic experiences that stemmed from having a low self esteem and feeling of loneliness.

I started talking to one of my bosses about my past, my present and what I wanted in the future. We would have long discussions and she taught me how to move on from the past experiences I held so close in my mind simply through compassion, words of wisdom and being my true friend. I never had a true friend or a person I felt I could be 100% open and honest with until I met this woman I worked for. She gained my trust, I opened up to her and through opening up to a person I trusted my mind was able to be free and clear of all those horrible things that happened to me.

I started believing in karma and the idea of what goes around comes around. I realized that not everyone is going to be nice to me and that is okay. I realized that not everyone is going to agree with my opinions, that’s the lovely thing about being a human being, we are all entitled to our opinions. I learned that the ability to forgive is so much stronger than the ability to hold on to the pain.  My mind was free of the clutter that had held me down and created a negative monster and a painfully shy person.  This was the time that I was finally able to start fresh and move forward in the right direction.

NOTE: Based on this story today, I can tell you that if you are hanging onto any bad thoughts, or experiences that were traumatic, life altering or negative in anyway that you too must move on from them. Do not forget they happened, because they are a part of who you are, and a part of your past. I am asking you to confide in someone you truly trust and if you don’t have that person, then maybe seek a counselor who you can sit and ramble to, cry with and move on so that your mind is free of the clutter. Without freeing your mind of the negative clutter you will not be able to move forward in a positive direction.

To be continued …