{Personal Story of the Past} I was That Little Girl #divorce #parents #abuse

Divorce or separation hits everyone differently. This goes with death and birth. Each human being, whether grown adult or child, responds to life’s challenges quite differently. Being unique is what sets us apart from each other, yet also makes us work together very well. The story I wish to share today is from my memory banks of many moons ago.

A young girl, around age 12, was found with two parents being divorced. While this young girl could totally see that her parents were better off apart due to a multitude of reasons, she still missed her Dad terribly. This little girl was used to having her Dad be the “fun parent” and here she was with her Mother who wasn’t known as the fun parent. You see, when you are 12, the fun parent is the one who gets all the credit and love, it’s just how life for a child usually goes.

But back to my story…

The young girl felt something missing, this split family life wasn’t appealing to her but the idea of her parents being together again wasn’t any better sounding. Every other weekend with Dad and the remainder of the time was spent with her Mom or other adult family members along with her younger sister. As time went on this young girl was also made to have her younger sister go to sleep overs with her and always be by her side, essentially this young girl had to grow up faster than she could ever be ready for at age 12.

Beautiful Sunset Picture

The sadness, the frustration, the hiding in a book so that she didn’t have to face reality started to happen. Eventually this young girl started wearing provocative clothing and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Sure, the young girl got yelled at, spanked, grounded, etc but she would just run away. No one could stop her, at least that was her mindset. Except that one time when her Grandmother showed up on her boyfriends doorstep, she was about the age of 14 maybe 15 and she had run away to “live with her boyfriend”. This young girls’ grandmother was not having that and came to rescue this child from her boyfriends parent’s home.  Eventually the girl and her mother were forced to speak to each other and the Grandmother tried to get the young girl to fully see her actions as being disrespectful and not okay at her age. Sadly, this young girl didn’t really see the meaning being all of it, she, after all, knew it all. As most children think they do.

This young girl spent most of her young teenage years drinking alcohol, eventually smoking cigarettes and getting into groups of the wrong crowd. This young girl didn’t feel love for herself and she needed to feel love. The clothing she wore and the attention she sought were that of a negative nature, many men {far older than her} did take advantage of her and this led down a bad path. Saying no didn’t matter, because she wanted to feel that love. The wrong love, that us as adults knows is wrong, but children think is true love. In reality it was sexual abuse, grown men taking advantage of a broken young girl who was around age 13 – 14 at this point in time. Reaching out to men for physical loving was what brought her down a path that taught her to manipulate, use men and get what you need from them. There was a detachment within this young girl so deep that no one would be able to get through to her for many years.

Sadly, this young girl learned that love is what other people give you; be it sex, money, food, a place to live, whatever, this young girl learned that she could only feel love if she had something she wanted or needed. This young girl was damaged and hurting inside deeper than anyone realized. This young girl, aside from being emotionally damaged, did great in school. Getting honor roll and/or high honors was the norm for this girl, even during her all night out binge drinking nights, she would still get up, go to school and get good grades.

Finally this young girl became a Mom. Looking into the eyes of this sweet baby girl, made this Mom realize just who she needed to be and wanted to be for the chubby little baby she held in her arms. From that day forward this, no longer little girl, grew up. There were some bumps, it took some therapy and putting herself around positive, loving people. It took time for this Mom to forgive the mistakes others had made, to accept that other people cannot be changed unless they want to change themselves. It took a lot of writing and a lot of prayer, but this young girl grew up to be a positive influence on her children and never looked back again.

While this is a happy ending to what could have ended in teen pregnancy or far worse, STD’s, drug abuse, and more; this young girl was a fighter from day one, it just took becoming a mother as an adult to get her to realize just how much potential she had within her own self. This young girl handled the divorce of her parents differently than others may have, but in all honesty, there is a lot of young girls out there who start down this path and it doesn’t end as happily. The best thing any divorced parents can do is to be involved, to step up to parent harder, monitor your children, keep their safety and best interests at heart. Times during separation and divorce make children more vulnerable to bad people, girls do not have to walk down this path of confusion, just be there for them. Hug them. Love them. Build up their self confidence. And don’t look back…

Fresh Start At Life

As most of you know I was recently legally separated and then divorced. I can’t say it wasn’t hard on me, because even though you know when something is not meant to be you are still used to having that person around. I am confident it was the right decision for both of us, and happy we could be in agreement, but I still have days when I struggle. Financial struggles are among the top reason for my daily “issues”.

I know I now have what I can consider a fresh start, I am more independent than I was when I met my ex husband. I have also had not so great credit since the day I turned 18 which was 10 years ago. I am now wondering how to get a free credit report so that I may work on a fresh financial start by  finding those bills that have hit my report and see which ones I can work towards paying off.

I know the best way to cover your financial situation and build your credit score back up is to be sure you are up to date on what is being reported to your credit report and slowly work on paying 1 bill at a time that may be listed on your credit report. As I work on learning to be a single Mom all over again and juggle three munchkins with three very different personalities I am also going to work on a fresh financial start so that I can wake up one morning and see the hard work, determination and focus DID pay off!

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