Cleaning Your Room – Parent vs Child

The biggest battle of parenthood I see as a “choose your battles wisely” topic is cleaning your child’s bedroom.  So many parents complain about how messy their child’s room is, or complain about how they can’t get their child to clean their room. I see two types of parental mindsets with the topic of children’s bedroom cleaning;

  1. The parents who simply want their child’s room to be clutter free, organized and presentable.
  2. The parents who want their child’s bedroom cleaned and organized their way vs the child’s way.

Both parents are perfectly right, who’s to say it’s going to ruin a child by making them clean their bedroom a certain way. I am sure the child will survive the life of having to keep a clean and tidy room whether by their own standards or their parents standards. I simply choose to take another route. Spending many years in therapy with my middle child has really helped open my eyes to what battles are worth fighting for or not.

Cleaning Your Room - Parent vs Child

“Image courtesy of varandah /”.

How I think A Parent Can Handle Cleaning of their Child’s Room with Less Stress

First off, one thing that bothered me from my childhood was the constant need for me to fold clothes the way the parent did it, clean room the way the parent wants it, and even wash dishes the same exact way my parent wanted me to. I see a flaw in this; I believe parents are suppose to guide children to be individuals. No two people will do the same task in the exact same method but they can end up with the same positive result; meaning my bedroom can be clean by my standards but it may not be up to par with your view of what clean is. The dishes may end up clean, but the process I took to get there is not the same process you took. This is all perfectly okay.

Again, one thing most parents start to realize is that we parent based on our own experiences. I parent based on my own to shed a positive light upon things I felt agonized about as a child.

The key to alleviating stress when it comes to cleaning your child’s bedroom is as simple as allowing your child to clean their room in their own unique way. For example, my daughter has a clutter fest of a bedroom, she is a person who hangs onto everything. It drives me bonkers! I had a discussion with  my daughter, I listened to her side of what a clean room should be and came to my own conclusion of an acceptable approach to her bedroom cleanliness.

My mission is simple: I want the bedroom to be sanitary without food or trash anywhere. I want to be able to walk through my daughter’s room without stepping on anything, including trash. I want to be able to know which clothes are clean and which clothes are dirty in her bedroom and I want her room to be fire safe.

Pretty simple, right?

That’s how I handle the topic of cleaning a child’s bedroom. I allow that to be their space, organized just how they want but it must be a presentable place where I can walk into and hang out with my child or read a book with them without stepping or sitting on things. I want no trash nor food in the room so that the house is sanitary as a whole. This works for us and has actually increased the times my daughter cleans her room close to what I would clean it to more often than not.

There is no arguing over her personal space and there is no stress involved when I say “go clean your room up a bit please”. It’s a win/win and the way I look at it is this; if there comes a day when she can’t find something because of the way she “organizes” her bedroom, then maybe she will change her method up a bit. For now? We live in peace with sanitary bedrooms. I am good with that.

Parenting Quotes #positive #blendedfamily #family #happilyblended

Build a Childs Self Esteem

I am a huge promoter of building children’s self esteem, in my book co-authored by my daughter and me, Positive Girl: The Power of your Thoughts, we discuss how to keep your esteem high and/or build it up if you/your child are struggling with that.

Our Home Has Love

I have been watching The Fosters with my boyfriend lately and this quote above really makes me think of last nights episode. Family is what you make of it, as long as you have love, you have family!  You can always create your own family constitution which will share your own rules, expectations and love between you all as a family.

The Good Life

I firmly believe I am LIVING life and a GOOD LIFE at that, if not a GREAT life really! Hope you all remember to live a GOOD LIFE, live it fully no matter what!

Kids Only Care about How you Made/Make Them Feel #parents

There is this saying somewhere and I cannot quite recall the exact wording, but it’s lesson to be learned within the quote is that of which many parents need to realize; children will not remember everything you bought or gave to them but rather how you made them feel growing up. This is so true because in all honesty I do not recall much of anything my parents purchased for me growing up, I remember how each of them made me feel when I was a child. In all honesty, to this day I care more about how my parents make me feel than what they say or do for or to me. To feel as if your parents care, listen attentively {even if they disagree with you} and to make you feel as if they love you unconditionally is the best feeling in the world.

Loving Mother with her sonI was one of those people who always said, as most people do find themselves saying “I will never be like my parents, ever!” I can honestly say that a lot of my decisions as a parent are based on the opposite of what either of my parents would do but then there are other situations that come up where I handle them in the exact way one or both of my parents would have handled it. Just like me having the perfect friend/parent blend of a relationship with my kiddos, I also have that perfect blend of my own parenting/my parents parenting styles mixed together so that indeed I have not “become” my parents, but built on things I learned through memories of how they parented.

Mother Daughter and pugAs my oldest nears that wonderful age of teenager she is now in those tween years, the years where everything becomes a drama fest and being that she is super sensitive like her Mama was {and still sometimes can be}, there are these tiny situations that come up for discussion with me. You see, no matter how small I feel the battle my daughter is facing with classmates, parents, friends, siblings or what have you, I always inventively listened, provided positive productive feedback and also at times played devils advocate on situations. I am often found talking in a calm, matter of fact, sweet voice to her when she needs to be calmed down from some drama fest and no matter how I handle whatever topic she is stressing over, one thing remains the same - my daughter knows that I am holding whatever she is venting to me about or talking to me about with the utmost importance. 

Sleepless SonsI do not care if my daughter is telling me about another girl rolling her eyes. Another kid calling her a cripple. I do not care if she came home to tell me that she broke a nail and it was the most embarrassing thing in the world and I feel that urge to giggle – I hold back giggles, I do not laugh at her. I listen and give her a big ole Mama hug, if I feel she is seeking advice – I give it. If I feel she just needs me to listen and make her feel loved and important – I listen.  You know, in all of the books I have read, I see that most mothers and daughters have this lapse in their closeness during the hormonal changes the girl goes through as a teen, I have to wonder if I have built such a great relationship with my daughter that our paths won’t cross as much of a dramatic, monster-ish teen years as most books portray between mother and daughter during the teen years?!

One thing I do know is that I am 100% confident my children feel important, unconditionally loved and valid. I can only hope that every other child in this world is able to feel that much love and happiness too!


National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption month, and I am excited to be sharing with you a great organization called AdoptUsKids, this information is being shared through a campaign of the Former Momfluence Network.

The mission of AdoptUsKids is to recruit and connect foster and adoptive families with waiting children throughout the United States.  Funded by the Children’s Bureau of the Administration for Children and Families, the national photolisting website contains photos and information about children in foster care.

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