We All Have Valid Reasons for Parenting Decisions and That’s OK

I think the joy of being in a free nation, I use that term lightly, is that we can make our own parental decisions and that’s okay. I love that there is such diversity in our world because honestly it brings a new insight to situations, decisions and life. I may have strongish opinions about certain things, but that doesn’t mean I would push you to believe the same, I may just share with you my thoughts and where I am coming from. The forum is always open on this site for your to respectfully disagree, but don’t try to convince me to change my mind. I won’t judge you for your own decisions. I am a firm believer that we all parent the best we can and make decisions based on our own life experiences and what we feel is best for our kids.

At the end of the day only you know what’s best for your family and your children. We all have different comfort levels with various parental decisions or life decisions. And that is okay!

 

I choose not to spank my children, not saying I haven’t ever smacked my son’s bum from time to time, but overall spanking is not a disciplinary tactic I prefer to use. I feel spanking doesn’t teach any lessons and hitting a child, even as a punishment and not in an abusive way, teaches the child that we lash out when someone does something wrong or we are upset with someone. I prefer to keep a non-violent and non-physical household. You may not make that same choice and that is okay!

I wrote yesterday about how I decided leashes were not something I would use for my son’s. I didn’t feel they taught any lessons that I wanted to teach my children. Clearly, there are some who believe in using leashes for their children and have their own valid reasoning behind choosing to do so. That is okay!

I choose to teach my children to use their words, to do a good thing to someone they have harmed or been mean to. I prefer making all parental decisions based on a respect and trust for them as individual human beings. I prefer to parent in ways that teach a life lesson at every corner. And you may not. Guess what? That is okay!

Each family event we have, things we do, places we go, etc etc; all have valid life lessons taught to the kids. I just prefer to make every day a learning experience. I prefer to allow my children a bit more freedom than others may be comfortable with, knowing that my kids may make the wrong choice. I am prepared in consequences for actions because I am a proactive parent. I believe if you give children some lead way to make their own decisions in many areas of life that you in turn create well rounded, respectable little human beings. My three kids will always be taught that they are human and will make wrong choices; it’s just a matter of how we handle those wrong choices that matters most.

I feel that spanking, leashes and other such areas of controversy are not worth utilizing in my home because they do not teach any lessons I want my children to learn. And that is okay!

We need to embrace other people’s mindsets and embrace our differences. As long as a child is not being neglected or abused, then agreeing to disagree on topics is perfectly okay!

 

Aggressive Behavior in Preschooler

It’s so hard for me to deal with having an angry child, my middle son is much unlike the other two children, he is often very aggressive and easily angered.  I will be honest in that I am struggling with exactly how to work with a child that seems to be so full of anger and rage. I am partially wondering if maybe he is going to be diagnosed with a mood disorder when he gets older as that is very common in my family.  Since my son AJ is so full of anger so often it’s moments like the ones in the pictures in this post that I cherish most, when I see a smile on his face and he actually is affectionate.

Mother and Son

My little man AJ is the most comical, silly boy in the world to me, I love how much he can make me laugh with his silly conversations but when he is in one of his “moods” it’s so hard to remember what he’s like when he is happy. This boy has been angry since the day he was born, always a super grumpy baby who I only nursed for 8 weeks because he seemed to never be full enough off just my breast milk.  Born in August 2008 weighing in at 9lbs 5oz he was born a healthy, large boy. I fell in love with him when he was placed in my arms, I feel some days that maybe he is so angry because while he was in my tummy all I could think about was my own selfish reasons for not wanting nor being ready to have another child in my life full time, single and alone.

Mama and Son

Reality is I could blame myself all day long but AJ is the way he is because this is something unique to him, my other two children are super happy and pretty easy going just like me. The other two children don’t have aggressive behavior but sometimes they do act out after watching their brother have one of his outbursts. Somedays I feel like a mother who is physically abused, and it’s by my THREE year old son. I shouldn’t feel this way, I should be more firm and more assertive and really push the pediatrician to do something to assist in determining if AJ is acting out simply for attention reasons or if he truly has a medical or mental health issue. I don’t wish to watch as my son grows more angry everyday.

Lately I have been spending one on one time with him on the nights my daughter is with her Dad. I get to put Baby K to sleep in his crib and come out to the living room to play bouncy ball basketball, Wii Mario Kart or like last night we played matchbox cars together. I am hoping that every little moment I spend in a positive way with AJ will slowly work to help his aggressive behavior subside, otherwise I fear without medical help or professional advice he will only get worse. The one on one time seems to be helping a little bit, as well as being more consistent with time outs but he still is an aggressive child when angered. Maybe this is simply normal for a 3 year old boy, but I can’t see how this type of aggressive behavior is normal nor am I willing to accept it … I will some how seek advice & assistance in making sure my son learns that it’s okay to be mad but it’s never okay to hit another person.

Questions for thought: Do you have an angry child? Did you have to deal with such aggressive behavior? How did you handle it? What best works for your children who may be more aggressive in nature?

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