We All Have Valid Reasons for Parenting Decisions and That’s OK

I think the joy of being in a free nation, I use that term lightly, is that we can make our own parental decisions and that’s okay. I love that there is such diversity in our world because honestly it brings a new insight to situations, decisions and life. I may have strongish opinions about certain things, but that doesn’t mean I would push you to believe the same, I may just share with you my thoughts and where I am coming from. The forum is always open on this site for your to respectfully disagree, but don’t try to convince me to change my mind. I won’t judge you for your own decisions. I am a firm believer that we all parent the best we can and make decisions based on our own life experiences and what we feel is best for our kids.

At the end of the day only you know what’s best for your family and your children. We all have different comfort levels with various parental decisions or life decisions. And that is okay!

 

I choose not to spank my children, not saying I haven’t ever smacked my son’s bum from time to time, but overall spanking is not a disciplinary tactic I prefer to use. I feel spanking doesn’t teach any lessons and hitting a child, even as a punishment and not in an abusive way, teaches the child that we lash out when someone does something wrong or we are upset with someone. I prefer to keep a non-violent and non-physical household. You may not make that same choice and that is okay!

I wrote yesterday about how I decided leashes were not something I would use for my son’s. I didn’t feel they taught any lessons that I wanted to teach my children. Clearly, there are some who believe in using leashes for their children and have their own valid reasoning behind choosing to do so. That is okay!

I choose to teach my children to use their words, to do a good thing to someone they have harmed or been mean to. I prefer making all parental decisions based on a respect and trust for them as individual human beings. I prefer to parent in ways that teach a life lesson at every corner. And you may not. Guess what? That is okay!

Each family event we have, things we do, places we go, etc etc; all have valid life lessons taught to the kids. I just prefer to make every day a learning experience. I prefer to allow my children a bit more freedom than others may be comfortable with, knowing that my kids may make the wrong choice. I am prepared in consequences for actions because I am a proactive parent. I believe if you give children some lead way to make their own decisions in many areas of life that you in turn create well rounded, respectable little human beings. My three kids will always be taught that they are human and will make wrong choices; it’s just a matter of how we handle those wrong choices that matters most.

I feel that spanking, leashes and other such areas of controversy are not worth utilizing in my home because they do not teach any lessons I want my children to learn. And that is okay!

We need to embrace other people’s mindsets and embrace our differences. As long as a child is not being neglected or abused, then agreeing to disagree on topics is perfectly okay!

 

{Child Abuse Awareness Month} What WE Can do to Help our Youth #endchildabuse

Another Monday is here and today I decided to report in via YouTube, rather than by blog post. This video discusses what child abuse perpetrators look like, bet you can’t guess what they look like? Also the video goes on to discuss ways for us to help the youth who are in our lives, that can be your own children or other children in the community.

Be that person for our youth, because every child enjoys a chance to thrive in life and enjoy life to the fullest! Be that one person a child can turn to and be that one person who can do everything in their power to ensure another child is taken away from an abusive scenario!

Have a wonderful week and may your Monday bring you happiness. Xo

The Parental Community Needs to Realize Verbal Abuse HURTS

Children are and have always been important to me, think about it; children are our future. Why would we not rank them of high importance? Children are loving, honest and kind, born into this world with such a curiosity about the world around them and the ability to have no filter on their mouths.  I admit, the truthful nature of children can certainly take you back, make your jaw drop and sometimes make you giggle, with that being said, children are a true blessing. They come in all shapes and sizes with brain power in that little baby head beyond our understanding.

What happens when you insert the children of this world into the real world and they start to hear other people’s views? These children who are sweet and innocent by birth end up being influenced by their environment, heck even kids who haven’t yet walked outside of their family unit on their own yet have a lot of environmental factors inside of their own home that change the way they handle other people and view their own self.

I am a firm believer in genetics playing a key role in who we are, but I am also a firm believer that no matter what genetics have instilled within our own self, that we can truly become whom ever we wish to be.  During the tween and teen years it’s extremely difficult for a child to do more than just follow their peers. Peer pressure plays a key role during this time of a child’s life and it’s up to the adults in this child’s life to have already formed a special bond with their child to ensure that peers are not able to fully affect this child in a negative way.

One thing that happens all too often and is overlooked more than I care to get into is verbal & emotional abuse. Having been a victim of said crime, I can tell you from experience that verbal & emotional abuse will hurt you far longer than the bruise placed on you from physical abuse. Yes, physical abuse leaves major scars, both inside & outside, which is probably why physical abuse is reported & addressed more often than emotional & verbal abuse.

What can we do to stop children from being emotionally & verbally abused by their loved ones? I don’t wish to have the government raise our children, we don’t need “laws” from government to tell us how to parent, what we do need is to remember that it takes a village to raise a child and whether you are related to this child & fear that speaking up will cause damage to the relationship you have with the abuser or you have learned what society says is acceptable “to mind your own parental business”, you need to speak up. You need to follow your gut instinct, listen to the child who is telling you about this verbal & emotional abuse and by all means do not let emotional & verbal abusers get off the hook so easy.

Someone who is abusing a child emotionally & verbally clearly has their own deep dark scars and demons that they have to address. We can not force a verbally & emotionally abusive person to change, but what we can do is save that child from the pain & suffering that will forever hold them back from being able to grow into a well rounded, happy adult. We, as a community, need to spread knowledge, speak up about verbal and emotional abuse. Get the word out that we, as a community, will no longer sit back and allow agencies to toss emotional & verbal abuse out the back window but rather face it, solve it and save a child from having to face their own demons & scars forced upon them by their abuser later in life in order to have a fully well balanced life.

Speak up, Speak out against abuse of children both physically & emotionally. We, the people, have the power to help our future adults enjoy their childhood fully.

Is Verbal and Emotional Abuse Harder to Prove?

Scenario 1: A kid arrives at school with bruises all over his body and yet has no real logical explanation for these bruises and this kid has been arriving to school with more bruises lately.

Scenario 2: A kid arrives at school and seems to be getting grumpier on some days and even lashing out this school year, yet this is a kid who always had been a well behaved, caring kid in school.

Which scenario do you think brings more red flags to the faculty at school?

I bet scenario 1 gains more attention than scenario 2, the reason? Scenario 1 is a no brainer, this kid may possibly be getting physical abused somewhere and it’s the schools obligation to have the state or child protective services come in and investigate this child’s home environment.  Scenario 2 is a bit more difficult to determine as to whether the school would or should get involved, why? Because there could be many excuses as to why this child is lashing out; age, hormones, puberty, overtired and the list goes on. It’s a lot easier to toss an emotionally or verbally abused child an excuse for their behavior than to call child protective services to investigate further.

All forms of abuse deeply hurt a person, it’s just the hurt that comes from the “silent abuse” that only happens behind closed doors isn’t always noticed until it’s too late. Most emotionally and verbally abused children don’t admit they were in those situations until their early adult years when they end up opening up to a trusted person in their life, which all too often is a counselor or psychiatrist.  Some emotionally and verbally abused children lead extremely reckless lives and have a lower self esteem than that of your average child. You see, emotional and verbal abuse are more along the lines of word of mouth because there’s no “physical evidence” such as bruises to prove for a fact that it happened; it’s one persons word against anothers and what if that person has called that abused person a liar for so long that they are weak and don’t feel they can stand up to the person abusing them? It happens.

Many children who are abused need to have a steady adult in their life, maybe a counselor or an adult relative that can stand by their side and be open to hearing how they feel and open to listening, truly listening to this child. All it takes is one adult to open the doors to the idea of trust with this abused child and in time the child will learn to fight appropriately against their abuser. A child can not fight alone, if you are hearing a child complain of abuse in any form please step up and do all in your legal power to fight for their right to live and lead a happy, healthy lifestyle.

Abused children may not speak out on their own to everyone, but  maybe if we can all help spread the word to other parents and caregivers that emotional and verbal abuse is a true form of abuse and that we need to band together to make it STOP, then another child will have hope for a brighter tomorrow!

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Over Protective or not Protective Enough

I have seen over protective parents before, they worry about everything and their poor child seems to not be able to do anything children should be allowed to do. There is that over protective, middle protective, realistic protective and not protective enough category for parents. At least that is my opinion, I fall into the realistic protective parent I believe, at times over protective at least of my sons. I feel confident in my oldest, first born child, for some reason more so than my two younger sons.

For me, I try to be realistic protective because I want my children to have a childhood, to not worry about adult things and to learn through experiences as well as learn from mistakes. I don’t want to crowd my children to a point where they have been too sheltered to want to experience anything in life. I suffered from anxiety earlier on in life and it made me so anxious that I wasn’t able to enjoy the little things in life.

I do not wish that upon my children. I do have some fears for my children and I am paranoid so to speak, which could fall into over protective about certain subjects and certain people being around my children.  I have been told before by my first borns father that I am simply way too paranoid but is there such a thing? When you are trying to protect your children from sex offenders, I am sorry there is no such thing as paranoia. I will do whatever it takes to protect my children from those who are deemed sex offenders to little children.

I sometimes wonder if I am not protective enough, I let my children learn on their own. I want them to fall down and pick themselves back up with a little help from me. I want my children to be free to roam within boundaries I set, but have the feeling of freedom I never had with realistic rules set forth and discipline tactics should those rules or boundaries be broken by my children.

I suppose as long as I remain consistent, set rules and set boundaries and follow through then my children shall grow into well rounded individual adults.

What type of parent are you?

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