I am sure the main reason my son AJ is starting to act out again is because of the situation here at my home with the separation and me not being “me” because I was determining if separation was truly the answer to my marriage. No matter why AJ is acting out, he is certainly doing it again. Maybe it’s lack of attention, maybe it’s boredom, maybe he is feeding off of the tension that has been created in our home over the past year.
I have been working super hard at showing AJ that his behavior is unacceptable, especially when it’s to a point of “danger”. One thing I learned during counseling with my husband and AJ was that we need to determine what behavior we will address; dangerous, life threatening, unsafe behavior, and what behavior we can ignore; saying no to everything, asking why all the time, running crazy but in no danger. From there we are to be consistent in determining the discipline technique, when AJ is doing something that is just plain dangerous there is no warning and he is immediately removed from the situation and placed in the corner.
For those of you who have a defiant child or have had a defiant child you may be well aware that no child in their mood of defiance wishes to stand in the time out corner or sit in the time out chair. I am a SuperNanny fanatic and she has taught me many techniques such as how to handle the corner and be consistent even when it takes nearly an hour to get your child to stay put. I don’t play into AJ’s games, if he runs out of the corner, kicks me, screams, bites anything I simply ignore that behavior and place him back in the corner. I continue to place my son in the corner until finally he stays put and is more upset that I am not talking nor looking at him than the fact that he is being forced into a time out to serve his punishment for the behavior.
As my husband, my children and I go through this life changing event I must stay strong with AJ because once you give in just once he will take note and walk all over you! It’s like children have a little notebook in their head that tells them when you are weak and more apt to give in. My son is a challenge and it saddens me to see the anger in his eyes some days, but then other days he is so happy and loving that I can completely forget how he is when he acts out.
Many say he has ADHD, we have thought that maybe he has the defiance disorder, think it’s ODD that commonly comes with ADHD, but not matter what people label him as, I see a little 3 year old boy who has a bright mind, caring heart and just has a mind that goes too fast for him to keep up with. The boy is plain crazy at times, but he is our family comedian and can make you smile the next moment after a big hyperactivity situation.
As a parent we have no rule books, we simply work with what we know. Growing up I was hit with a belt, a wooden spoon was threatened, although I don’t recall if we were spanked with it or not, and there was a lot of aggressive behavior behind discipline. The reason we can’t do aggressive discipline is that it’s not who we are and that AJ is the type of child that feeds off of aggression; for example if he were to be pulling his sister across the floor by her hair and I yelled at the top of my lungs at him and then grabbed him really fast by the arm to pull him away, he would only laugh his evil laugh and do it again. AJ loves aggression and it’s my job as Mommy to teach him love, kind touch, hugs and kisses are what people love, not mean, hurtful hands and words.
Do you have a child who is out of control some days? Do you have a child with ADHD or ODD (whatever the term is)? How do you handle it, any advice for this Mama who is soon to be single with AJ, Baby K and Ki and is bound to have some mishaps during the transition period?
Make it a Happy Day!