I have witnessed many of my female friends and acquaintances who meet the guy, fall in love with everything except this one little thing that they feel will be changed. I have read Charles Orlando’s book The Problem with Women… is Men: The Evolution of a Man’s Man to a Man of Higher Consciousness and let me tell you what that book is an amazing read for any male or female! In one part of this book it is mentioned that woman goes into a relationship hoping to change the man and a man will go into a relationship thinking the woman will not change. The problem with this theory? A man is not going to change for that woman and a woman may actually grow to be a different person in the relationship.
I am a perfect example of someone growing while being in a relationship, when I met J I was single and pregnant as well as the mother of a little girl, I was very needy and wanted affection, love, someone to be there with me. Although I was single by choice and ready to be a single mom again, a big part of me longed for companionship. Since J and I met I have grown into a positive, outgoing, super social person who smiles so much and loves to exercise and go out of her way to help others.
Five years ago you wouldn’t have seen me go out of my way for another person, unless it was family because I was too busy being all stuck up on myself, my looks, my drinking every other weekend and trying to figure out who I wanted to be in this world. I am the perfect example of a man going into a relationship thinking the woman won’t change and she does. I can’t think of a time I dated someone in hopes they would change, I bet it was probably during high school years as that is when most of my immature relationships happened.
I was fooled not that long ago and lost my head a little bit, I truly thought that a person in my life did a 360 in just a few months. The problem is that I was blinded by the idea of family, of love, of companionship the way I had hoped it would have been. I have been fooled many times before but never in this way, I hadn’t ever before let a person back into my life deeming that they changed in just a few short months. Silly me for thinking that could be possible.
Do you realize it has taken me YEARS to become who I am today? And each day I have to seriously focus on who I want to be, what attitude I want to have and focus my mind back to my own reality! I am unable to perfect the positive thinking skills but I am working hard at it and think I am doing a pretty darn good job at it!
So when you go out and meet a person, you all may be putting up your “new to meeting this person” front that most humans do, but be sure to take the time to truly get to know the person before you hop into living with them, having kids and marrying them because I am a firm believer of the 2 year old rule; it takes 1 year to really get to know a person and another year to truly determine if you love that person who you met that first year. I know 2 years seems like a lot of time to waste, but when you are talking about your future, having children and all that … 2 years is minute compared to the stress, worry and anxiety you can inflict on yourself and loved ones if you didn’t take that time. If after 1 year you really feel this person is not the one for you, then be honest with them and yourself … move on. We all have our perfect for us match out there so there is no reason in trying to change the person of today into that person!