Single Parents Dating: Putting Kids Second

I have some pretty eye opening conversations with people, sometimes those conversations can a topic that most would be offended by, but I enjoy having those type of topics discussed; I have always told people that I would rather them take a chance in upsetting me than not speak their honest feelings, thoughts and opinions. Case in point: The topic of Single Parents Dating – Putting Kids Second.

Being new to the dating world, making that decision a little while back to put myself out there in the online world, was a difficult decision for me, I knew that my world had revolved around my children for so long. I knew that my last committed relationship didn’t go so well, but I also knew that I had a lot to offer someone and figured putting myself out there on a dating site, while sticking firm to certain traits I need, made sense. Of course, people will know without me saying that my trio is up there in ranks of importance to me, but one thing I do agree on is this: when you are out there dating, getting to know someone and testing the waters with a new person, it can’t be all about your kids.

Think about it, that person you are dating has zero to do with your parenting life, that world is oblivious to them, they more than likely cannot relate and cannot get in the conversation in an interactive way; this leads for dead silence on the phone or in person. The person you are dating may not wish to offend you, but here is where one has to pay attention to for a signal; if you find yourself out there dating some and really wanting to get to know them but you keep rambling on about your children, stop. Just stop. It is going to take some practice, because if you are a single parent, Lord knows your world has revolved around them for some time, making it difficult for you to comprehend that you are also an individual adult.

Single Parents Dating Putting Kids Second

If you had talked to me years ago about putting kids second in a relationship, I would have totally not agreed! As time has gone on, I matured a bit and knew that even without dating, I wanted more to me; I wanted to ensure I had my own life beyond children. It is important that your partner and your children see that you are more than “just a parent”. When you are dating someone, the time spent talking and visiting with each other should be focused on you and them. Think about it? Putting yourself out there in the dating world means you are seeking to ultimately find that long-term person, that one person who makes sense for you, to have and to hold for better or for worse.

What are some important factors for a long-lasting, long term relationship? Well my list may differ from yours, ultimately this is a basic list to go by, as you can see it doesn’t really 100% involve children when you think about the long-term, after all your kids will grow up and you want to know the person you end up with is going to be fun long after the kids leave the nest:

  • Common Interests: you both should have some similar interests that you share, because this keeps things moving forward, and allows you two to connect deeper.
  • Interests about Their Passions: this seems to be more of a personality trait, is the person you are dating showing interest in what you love in life? Do they love hearing you talk about your passions and engage in the conversation?
  • Dedication to a Long-Term Commitment: making sure that both of you are on the same path, meaning that if you are seeking someone for the long haul, ensure the person you are spending time getting to know, wants the same result.
  • Ability to be Open Minded: during my kid-free dating times, I am a woman with needs, desires and my own fantasies. This may be at-home work topics, this may be “after dark” scenarios or other areas; having someone with an open mind and interest in trying new things to keep the relationship interesting is very important to me.
  • Honesty, Respect and Trust: dating someone who has these traits is extremely important, I want to know when I have upset that person, I want to know if I am rambling too much about a topic that isn’t of interest. I want to know that they are going to be faithful during our times of getting to know each other and I want to know that I can trust them 100%, this comes with honesty, the more brutally honest a person is – the more I know I can trust them.

There are other things to the dating world that matter, of course, but these are the top five items that come immediately to my mind. What I can advise to you parents that find yourself out there in the dating world is this: practice changing the topic when you find yourself getting on the discussion of what color poop your kids had today, what mess your kids made and what grades your kids got on their report card. After all, when the kids are grown you want to know that you went from dating to serious based on something on a higher level than just children. Two adults need to have a solid foundation based on their relationship that is developed beyond children.

The last bit of information I have to share is this: you may not be able to stop talking about your children right away, but if you care deeply enough about the person you are dating and you want to see if you two have what it takes to make it long-term, I say that you need to practice stopping yourself mid sentence when you find yourself going off on a tangent about your children. Mentioning them occasionally, is perfectly acceptable, but focus on you and your dating partner – they want your 100% undivided attention during your adult moments together.

P.S. This goes with marriage too, honestly … hopefully my thoughts can help you have success in dating & marriage,  I know that this topic really helped set me straight on what matters in my adult-only dating world.

If you want to read a couple articles that I found relevant to this topic, you may do so by clicking on over to Mind you, this is my own opinion write up and not sponsored in any way.

Keeping Your Home Secure is Worth the Cost

Many years ago home security was not such a problem; some people didn’t even lock their doors at night or when they were away. Unfortunately, times have changed and burglaries have become a greater threat than ever before. The vast majority of people will agree that stolen items can be replaced, but it is most important for their family to feel safe from harm within their home. There are a wide range of home security and alarm systems available today, and homeowners looking for in-depth information about the system best for their home should check the online site of Home Security 911 at before making a choice.

Home Security

Modern home security systems offer the latest in automation technology, allowing homeowners to monitor their lighting, thermostat and security cameras from their smart phone, tablet or computer from a remote location. These options are very convenient in making sure the home is at a comfortable temperature with lights turned on no matter what time of the day or night family members arrive. Two-income families are common these days with children getting home from school before their parents are able to return home from work. A home security system provides peace of mind for the parents and safety for their school-age children who are old enough to be alone for a few hours.

Some homeowners choose to install their own security and alarm system due to the reduced cost, but correct installation is important if the system is to function properly. Home Security 911 is one company that allows a discount for a homeowner who wishes to install the system on their own, but an installation technician is available to offer help and advice if necessary. Promotional rates and discounts may also be available, so the homeowner should make sure to ask about reduced pricing.

Home security systems provide around the clock protection and give the homeowner peace of mind since the alarms are monitored by highly trained security professionals. During an emergency situation, dispatchers react quickly by sending help to the home promptly. Although a piercing alarm and bright lights will usually send an intruder scrambling to leave the scene, a home security professional arrives within minutes to ensure the home is secure and its occupants safe.

Movie Night Option: Aloha

The last night of my 3-day Labor Day Weekend with kids was spent curled up on the couch with Jenny the pug snoring on the recliner and the film Aloha on the television via OnDemand with Comcast. The kids had all been tucked up into bed, and as much as I could have hopped on my laptop to work, I decided to sit here and watch a movie alone. Happily. While flicking through the OnDemand Movies options, I came across a film called Aloha. I had not seen the trailer for this film yet,  so I clicked “watched trailer” and I was hooked; yes, this film was going to be my “me time” movie night film…

Aloha Movie Night

Starring Bradley Cooper, Rachel McAdams and Emma Stone this Romantic Comedy will really tear at your emotions, I actually cried at the end, tears just flowed but you know, you may not cry – I think my body just needed to have a little romantic comedy to let me laugh and cry to release.  I love Rachel McAdams, honestly that is why I chose to watch Aloha, you see Rachel is in The Notebook, another fantastic movie that is what I call my “real love story” kinda film. Emma Stone is a hoot, she can make me laugh so hard with her straight faced humor. Bradley Cooper just has these eyes that you can get lost in when you see him up on the screen.

In addition to the cast I mentioned above, Bill Murray and Alec Baldwin were briefly in this film too. The main characters were most certainly those played by Bradley, Rachel and Emma; a love story that makes you laugh out loud, yell at the TV in frustration and keeps you guessing as to who will end up with the guy. Where this story line leads is sort of all over the place, but the main point behind this romantic comedy is:

A celebrated military contractor returns to the site of his greatest career triumphs and reconnects with a long-ago love while unexpectedly falling for the hard-charging Air Force watch-dog assigned to him.

A good man, who ran at every chance when a woman got close is given a chance to change his ways. In life we all have choices to make each day, we all can grow to be better or we can keep spiraling down the same path; what I loved most about Aloha was the guessing of whether or not Bradley’s character would get his head out of his butt and be a man with emotions, show those emotions and roll with it; or would he just continue on in his path of running away when the girl gets too attached?

I honestly think this film was worth my time, while I am not always into chick flicks, this movie really gave me some time to think through a lot I have going on, or have had going on and just cry! Aloha may be a great film for you to sit down and enjoy some Me Time, after a long day of raising kids or working! Step back and let each moment sink in, enjoy it for entertainment or, as I do, to evaluate some of the decisions you make in life and love!

Top 3 Ways to Counteract a Child Wanting Negative Attention

My youngest child does not ever care what type of attention he is getting, he just cares about having attention when he wants it and when it is demanded. Now mind you, I have three children, the balancing act can get a bit sticky when one is having an off day, the other is jumping around with little self control and the third is just being down to Earth. You never know what you are waking up to in this household, ever, but one thing that I am starting to be more aware of as a parent is to nip that negative seeking attention behavior in the butt.

Here are 3 useful methods I am practicing as a means to set my youngest back on a positive attention seeking track, hopefully these can help other parents too:

Number 1 – Have creative play time together .. for 10-15 minutes in between adult duties.

Three Ways to Get Kids to Seek Positive Attention

Number 2 –  Get outside! Go run with your kids, check out your backyard,  & let them take charge  of how you will play when outside.

Three Ways to Get Kids to Seek Positive Attention

Number 3 –  Encourage independence. Let the child walk a bit ahead of you, showing them that you trust them, allows for more self respect, and less negative behavior.

Three Ways to Get Kids to Seek Positive Attention

In all reality, getting a child to learn to have a bit more self control in their venture for negative attention is to really just set up their day in such a way that they thrive for nothing but positive. Being a proactive person and parent really can help assist in creating a happy, healthy, positive home!

See Beyond the Words …

Dating is something semi-foreign to me. I honestly have not ever taken time to get to know someone before jumping right into something drop dead serious, there are many reasons for this. The reasoning behind jumping right in, that seems to have been number one, was because people were not willing to give space, have space and respect certain areas and instead of realizing that those type of scenarios wouldn’t work well in the long haul, I went with it. I followed along. I didn’t think one-hundred percent for myself, or maybe I just let lust play the cards. Whatever the reasons, as I venture into seeing someone, who is absolutely amazing to me, I find it difficult to accept that he is genuinely on the same page as me. He is taking things at a pace, that I actually wanted to be at, going with the flow in a feet-on-the-ground sort of way! I admire that, because for once, it is someone who is going along with how I had foresaw things happening this time around, if I happened upon someone of interest.

I drive myself batty sometimes just thinking about how he is feeling, what is going on inside of his mind, and in turn I respond or start conversations based on that feeling in the moment. One thing this man has started to teach me is to have a bit more control, not that I have it yet, but that having a bit more of a reign on your emotions can really assist in great communication skills, less misunderstandings and a deeper connection than two people would get when they go all-in based on lustful or first-meet flutters. As much as I admire his sense of control, and how well-controlled he is, this isn’t easy for me. We communicate, discuss things and have covered a ridiculously wide rang of topics from what we want in our futures, what we are passionate about, business, life, love, marriage, whatever – no topic has been off limits for us and it just flows. When I am not being ridiculously emotional.

See Beyond the Words

This man that I am seeing, dropped flowers & a card off at work the other day, just because. Now normally that type of surprise, from a guy that I wasn’t quite “in a relationship” with, would honestly freak me out a bit. With him? It didn’t freak me out one bit, it made me smile with complete happiness. I was so darn excited to see him before I did my mad dash rush off to motherhood duties. You know, sometimes I question if I deserve this treatment. Why me? What in the world did I do to deserve someone who is kind, compassionate, controlled, caring, friendly and honest? The answer really is simple; those who know me deepest say that I deserve such treatment, and I do deserve it. I deserve every moment of this start of something special. So why do I get in my own way?

Based on thinking about conversations with this man, I can tell that I lack the level of control on emotions that he has mastered. One thing that makes me happy that he has come into my life is this: I have always been that person to encourage self-growth in others, it has always been me trying to work with someone on being a better self, this time around, it seems I am the one being encouraged, listened to and advised on best ways to work on some areas I need working on. Do not get me wrong, this man is not telling me things I need to work on “for him” or in any way am I thinking about things to work on based solely on our dating; I have always been about self-growth and being fully aware of things that I can work on. This man simply encourages me to continue to work each day to be better, more aware and in more control of emotions as well as keep a level head about me.

There is nothing better than knowing the person you are seeing brings more positive into your world, less negative and is able to articulate words combined with actions, that if I step back and view the obvious reality of our few times together, our voice and text conversations, I can realize that we are taking our time to work on a fantastic bond. If this ends up being a beautiful friendship, a learning experience, or a long-lasting relationship, I am thankful for it. I am simply enjoying this time and going to work on speaking less in moments of high emotions, and listening to hear more often than not. Cheers to moving forward in a positive direction!

How To Get The Best Fiber Optic Service In Long Beach

When it comes to getting the best bundled fiber optic service, you’ve got to be savvy and be willing to shop around. As long as you’re ready to do your homework and put in the time and effort that it takes to compare and contrast the wide range of options that lie at your finger tips, finding Long Beach Internet service shouldn’t be that much of a hassle. The trick is to be demanding of the service that you expect and deserve. In short, this is no time to take no for an answer and compromise on your principles.

Bundling Your Services Is The Best Way To Save Big Bucks

If you are interested in saving big bucks on your monthly bill, now is the time to look into getting all of your television, Internet, and cell phone services bundled up. If you aren’t aware of what the term bundling refers to, just imagine all of your important services coming to you courtesy of one provider, rather than three different ones. Now, consider that all of these services can come to you at a special low rate, which means that you don’t have to pay three separate bills with varying fees and taxes attached.

Crystal Clear Reception At A Price That’s Right For You

Perhaps the most important issue that should affect whether or not you decide to sign on the dotted line is the question of how good the reception is. In other words, are you getting full high definition TV with your package? Is your Internet fully high speed, with no annoying lags or down time? Does your cell phone function at a fully responsive level, with no dropped calls? If you can answer yes to all of these questions, then you have an excellent service plan. If you can’t, then it’s time to switch providers.

It’s Time To Get The Service You Desire For The Price You Deserve

If you’re ready to get the service package you desire for the price you deserve, Long Beach has your answer. The area is famous for its excellent fiber optic package deals. The trick, as stated above, is to shop around for the best possible price, and to stay firm to your demands. The harder you shop, the better deal you are bound to receive in the long run.

Still Swimming in September

I am not sure what month people stop swimming, but it is September now in New Hampshire and the kids are still wanting to go swimming in this pond that is somewhat local to us. I actually believe it is now called a river, but we’ve called it Otter Pond for so long that it just sort of stuck.

On a hot day, or even medium-hot day, the kids will ask about going swimming. They all agree that is what they want to do, so I decided we are going. I feel that encouraging a love of being outside is important, the ability to shut down all electronics and just hop in the car to get to a swimming spot without complaint is a fantastic event. My middle child loves his YouTube, but even he is able to shutdown completely and happily swim with his siblings.

Instilling a Love of Nature

All three kids have their own set of goggles, I bought goggles a couple years back when I realized that my sons, who don’t really know how to swim, had discovered going under water. One son is super cautious and will carefully go under water, as he is the super cautious child. The other son has zero fear and will take on anything, this also means he has zero fear of getting water up his nose or in his mouth, he has been known to put his head under water while still talking and jump up coughing – only to do it again! The goggles help keep me a little at ease while the children enjoy this swimming spot.

What I love most about taking the kids swimming is that they all get along so well when in the water, my middle can be found hitching a ride on his sister’s back while pretending that she is a hippo giving fun rides. My youngest can be found just grabbing mud from the bottom of Otter Pond and giving himself a mud bath. The oldest child is the best swimmer out of all three and is a complete water log, she can be found swimming out pretty deep just to swim back.

Sitting on my outdoor chair, watching the trio getting along, enjoying the swimming time warms my heart! I love nature and my kids do too; a great interest to have instilled upon our children of the world, because they won’t become electronic drones, nor be bored. When you instill a love of nature within your children, the world is their playground!

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