The new baby had arrived and we ended up in a home that was completely out of room. We had assumed that the two boys were going to fit into the guest bedroom together with their 2 single beds but alas we had made fast inaccurate measurements that were coming back to haunt us.
Not knowing any better I broke the news of the upcoming bunkbeds to the boys nonchalantly over breakfast. I had no idea that I would get the reaction I received and was in fact quite stunned to hear it.
“Bunkbeds? No way!” said my youngest. My older boy of 12 looked up slowly and carefully to add, “Bunkbeds aren’t cool mom” and then slowly went back to eating. I had a fight on my hands, that’s for sure, but I decided that I’d come out the winner. Of course, there was no way around that since we had no extra space anywhere in the home. There would be no backing off and submitting to their demands. The bunkbeds were going to come and that was that.
I decided the best approach would be to take them out to look at some beds in real life. I was surprised myself to see the modern bunks that have been recently designed and it was my 12 year old that was the most impressed. I must add as well that he doesn’t impress easily.
I guess what got to him the most were the dark L-shaped bunks with a cappuccino finish that had a built-in workstation. Even I fell in love with those. I could envision the bed set up in the room complete with his laptop and schoolbooks.
Of course, my 5-year-old fell head over heels with the castle bed. Fortunately it was only a loft bed and could only sleep one at the top. Otherwise, there was going to be a heated debate over the cherry bunks or the one designed for young dragonslayers.
With an order submitted for the bunks and the promise of delivery for the next day, we set off home. I didn’t mention to my sons how grateful I was that they had submitted to my plan perfectly. No, they were happy and so was I. The baby and the kids will be set up for the next few years. At that time, however, my oldest son will be 15 and will probably want his own room. We’ll have to decide soon whether we will be headed to a new home or will expand the one we have. We will, however, leave that for another day.
Stress. It’s a tricky subject. How can you tell your kids the basics of stress in life? Read on for tips.
First, you should emphasize that not all stress is bad. Stress comes in two forms: eustress and distress.
Eustress is the kind of stress that motivates, stirs you to action, helps you accomplish. For example, if your kids have a fun class project with a due date, the due date may create eustress . . . it may motivate them to get the project done in a timely manner.
Distress is the kind of stress that frays a person’s nerves, creates anxiety or sorrow, and may lead to impaired decision-making and loss of emotional control. For example, if your kids have a tough class project that is not going well and it has a near-term due date, that due date may create distress . . . it may create anxiety, limit your kids’ ability to think creatively, and stimulate either apathy or an anger response in your kids.
Next, you should discuss that everyone experiences distress from time to time. In stressful times, it’s easy to feel like distress is only happening to you, but the truth is far from that. Since distress is a common human experience, well adapted humans must learn to handle distress well in order for society to function properly (i.e., for relationships to remain healthy and tasks to be accomplished timely and well done). Help your kids understand this “big picture”. You should make sure that your kids know that distress is not a “free pass” for poor choices, bad behaviors, and emotional difficulties. Help your kids understand empathy, forgiveness, and self-sacrificing benevolence as a means to deal with distress. For example, if your daughter is experiencing distress because of the class project due date referenced above, help her understand that the teacher has set the due date and cannot grant her special exemption just because she thinks it’s “too hard” for her . . . help her understand the situation from her teacher’s perspective. If the project is a team effort and one team member has not been sufficiently contributory, help your daughter exhibit forgiveness as that will help her release that negativity and return her focus to the completion of the project. Finally, if she is upset about having to forego social plans in order to complete the project, help her understand the “big picture” (i.e., that completing her school work is of greater importance in the long term than is one social activity).
NOTE: Young children are not capable of fully grasping all of the concepts involved in this discussion; however, if you hold these discussions early and often, the foundation will be laid. Then, as you have subsequent conversations about stress in the pre-teen years, your kids will come to grasp the concepts more readily than if they were being exposed to the concepts for the first time during the pre-teen years.
I am a firm believer in making mistakes, as an adult, as a child – it does NOT matter what your age is. I think that if you live life and never make one mistake then 1) you are AMAZING & a part of a small number of people or 2) you haven’t lived an adventurous life.
How can a person learn to be who they are as an independent, unique adult without making some mistakes? I guess it is possible, but for me I do not understand how they could possibly really know who they are without taking a chance at some point in their life.
Here’s my video on my children and one being a perfectionist, I am not sure how to handle her unwillingness to try new things or step outside of her comfort zone? I have discussed this issue with my daughter and she has confided some things with me as to why she is the way she is and wishes to let go more, but I am curious — do you deal with this and how do you handle it?
When I was a young girl I always thought hair loss was something that only men had to deal with, but the sad reality is, man woman suffer from hair loss as well. In my family, at least on my father’s side, the aunts have forewarned me that my full head of thick, beautiful hair may one day start losing it’s thickness as I start to lose hair as with most of my older female family members. This was a fact I hadn’t realized, that so many of my aunts struggle with hair loss.
It was almost like a sign, as soon as I started to learn about woman and hair loss I found commercials and Internet websites about ways to prevent hair loss in women. It was as if someone knew that I was a bit concerned about the possibility of losing my thick, beautiful hair. Now I know that woman certainly deal with hair loss almost as much, if not as much, as men and that there are options out there to keep the hair loss at bay, to prevent hair loss with various products and that one should think of hair loss in the same way they think of aging skin.
By protecting your hair now, you are setting yourself up for a more positive future. When people start to lose their hair, they start to lose a bit of their self esteem, it’s as if losing your hair is losing a small part of yourself. So I invite you all today to make sure you educate yourself with family history of woman’s hair loss as well as products that can assist in preventing such hair loss from occurring.
Welcome to this weeks edition of Sunday Inspiration. The weekend is either too short or too long, depending upon how you look at it but either way we all can agree that tomorrow is Monday. Sometimes we all need a little pick me upper and here I am with this weeks positive quotes; topic is Parenting.
“Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.” – H. Jackson Brown
“The best inheritance a parent can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day.” – O. A. Battista
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. ~ Harold Hulbert ~
You have to give them unconditional love. They need to know that even if they screw up, you love them. You don’t want them to grow up and resent you or, even worse, parent the way you parented them. ~ Alfie Kohn ~
If we don’t shape our kids, they will be shaped by outside forces that don’t care what shape our kids are in. ~ Dr. Louise Hart ~
Encourage and support your kids because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them. ~ Lady Bird Johnson ~
In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck – and, of course, courage. ~ Bill Cosby, Fatherhood ~
Enjoy your week everyone! Remember to hug your child as much as possible, no matter their age, sure they may shrug you away but inside they are smiling at the affection you provide as a nurturing, loving parent!
I do not know you, you do not know me but I see your face on movies I have watched my whole life and most recently I see the media coverage of you going through a really difficult time in your life right now.
Growing up a few people always said I looked so much like you and eventually that made me more aware of who you were, as I watched movies you were in from Ghost to GI Jane, I saw that you were a woman of many talents. Not only are you a woman of many talents, but you are able to pull off a shaved head in such a beautiful way that I doubt many other females could pull off.
People adore you, men love to look at you and at your age you are so gorgeous on the outside, but I think that your beauty is far beyond that of your awesome body for your age, your beauty is deep within your soul that comes out in the movies you play parts in.
I understand that you are going through some extremely challenging times, that surely did not start just yesterday, and with this I would like to end my letter with a few positive notes that I hope will help uplift you, although I doubt you will ever really read this letter:
Remember to stay strong, to do whatever it is you need to do to get better, to learn to love yourself inside and out, to not allow the outside media and ex relationships get you down. One can only feel what they allow others to make them feel, you need to rise up above all of the judgements, bad things that have happened and come back to be a stronger, more passionate woman about yourself. Age is just a number and no matter how long you need to take to get back on track with “you”, take that time because it will be so well worth it in the end. No matter how much time and space you need to become that person you know you are inside, you need to take it and remember your fans, friends and followers will be here to welcome you back with a smile and hug!
My first born child was always really easy to get to sleep, of course she co-slept with me from the day she was born up until three or four years of age so when I went to sleep, she went to sleep. My sons on the other hand never really co-slept from the beginning. My first born had a bassinet beside my bed so that I could easily nurse him in the middle of the night but after 8 weeks he switched to formula and was in a crib in my bedroom. My last born child co-slept more than his brother but less than his sister. It seemed the boys were not as easy to have in our bed because they didn’t sleep when we slept necessarily and at that time I started getting concerned for their safety being in a bed in between two adults, whereas with my daughter I was a single mom so it was just her and me in the bed.
The first born boy has always had issues with sleeping through the night, it was given from the day he was born that we would no longer get a good nights sleep with this child but we had hoped in time this would change. In the past few months my first born son has started to sleep through the night but now the three year old wakes mid night with a wet pull up or wet pajamas and bed due to peeing too much while sleeping. I have tried to cut back on drinks before bed, make the three year old use the toilet before bedtime, but none of it keeps this child from waking mid night. If we are lucky there is one night in a seven day week that we can sleep all night without our deep sleep being interrupted from yelling boys.
The bedtime routine is pretty strict and each child is fully aware of it as it has been in place for many years. Up until about a year ago the routine was the same but both boys were placed to bed at the same time, they share a room so this ended up becoming a nightmare. The boys would jabber, feed into each other and if they got too hyper chatting then they wouldn’t be too easy to get back to sleep. After going to my first born son’s counselor with my concerns regarding bedtime routine, we were told to do each boy separately which in turn can make bedtime start as early as 6:30pm for the youngest and as late as 9pm for the oldest on some days. I personally want all three of my kids asleep by 8:30pm at the latest on a school night.
It’s been such a struggle with bedtime routine, which has been discussed with the counselor, but it is the only method that works right now to get them to sleep with less troubles and engagement between the boys. A normal night I spend two hours waiting for kids to be asleep and it’s killing me. I do not want to spend two hours every single night getting kids to bed, I feel like there has to be another option. Aside from wishing I had three bedrooms, I don’t know what else to do.
What would you suggest with my situation regarding wanting to cut down bedtime routine time?
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I guess what got to him the most were the dark L-shaped bunks with a cappuccino finish that had a built-in workstation. Even I fell in love with those. I could envision the bed set up in the room complete with his laptop and schoolbooks.
