Why I Firmly Believe an Attitude Can Make or Break You

Even my closest of friends will tell me “cut the crap with your positive attitude preaching, it doesn’t work” and I just shrug it off, because obviously they are having a bad day or they just truly believe positive thinking doesn’t really change life for the better. I get that my “a positive attitude can get you anywhere in this world” thinking may seen far fetched for some, while it makes sense for others and that is okay. I can agree to disagree with those who don’t believe positive thinking can truly change your life and make you more money.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today I decided to share a story with you all, to show why I am always sold on positive thinking, no matter what;

The world was crashing over me, bills piling up {they always are}, the thought of trying to come up with a ridiculous amount of money within a week seemed impossible. I was starting to feel depressed, I could feel my generalized anxiety disorder taking control of me and fear swept over me like a tornado sweeps over the land. How in the heck was I going to pay these bills to keep a roof over my children’s heads, to keep food on the table for them? How would they survive? What was I going to do? How did I get in so deep?

Those questions of what if and what will took over my mind big time and all I felt like doing was climbing back in bed under my down comforter that my Mom gave me years ago for Christmas and sleep. Sleep away everything. Ignore the kids needs, sleep til it all was better. The problem with that thought is that 1) it means depression was sinking in and 2) my kids wouldn’t be shown how strong their Mama truly is.

Whether you believe it or not, I do struggle with depression from time to time as well as some major anxiety issues, however, I am so extremely strong willed that I refuse to let either of those conditions take charge of me. I refuse to take medications for them because I have tried that in the past years, long ago, and they didn’t do a whole heck of a lot for me. I refused to let medications and this disease take charge of who I AM deep within my soul.

I woke up. I became more positive. I started to believe in myself, believe that I can make it. The individual, independent strong willed woman inside of me refused to give up hope, refused to let anything or anyone tell me I couldn’t do this. I refused negativity and accepted positivity. In that moment, my world changed and each time I choose positive over negative, the I CAN DO THIS attitude, I WIN. Every time. No question.

So while the bills were piling up, my heart was racing, tears falling from my eyes, I just did what we teach our kids to do – I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN. And I could. And I did.

With a bit of  faith, love, and the I can do this attitude – I made it and each month when the same scenario hits, or every other month, because after all I am self employed and that isn’t any sort of guaranteed weekly paycheck, I do it all over again. I fight off that anxiety, the depression, the oh my gosh how I can do this feeling and I WIN. I pay the bills, even if they are paid late, they get paid. I do what needs to be done to survive, to show my kids I am a fighter, I am strong and in turn I get something for myself – a sense of pride, a sense of accomplishment and the self encouragement to go fighting for all I believe in.

I am awesome. I am amazing and I can do anything I set my mind to. I firmly believe that you all can do the same, sure it may take you years to get this thought process down, it make take a long time for something positive to truly come into your life so that you see the changes this new positive attitude can create, but be patient because patience is a virtue my friends and I believe in you. I believe you CAN DO THIS. I believe you CAN SUCCEED. I believe you ARE STRONG.

I Became Guilty of Being Somewhat Lazy

I guess using the word lazy isn’t really fair when you think about being Mom to three kids and working from home, but it’s the only word I could really think of to describe the habit I got into for a long time. You see, over the years my daughter‘s Dad just sort of handled everything. I got into the habit that he was great at being in control so why bother? Then as my daughter got older and we formed a closer bond of communication, I found out that she didn’t really want me to take the “back burner” anymore.

I must start off by explaining a bit of a back story as to why it was just easier for me to let him take care of everything for the most part. My middle child, second born, was difficult from day one. Aj required a lot of time and attention. There were major mood swings, he had and still sometimes has major anxiety. Aj simply is a lot like my sister and I combined. Having a child that has special needs, even if that special need is simply a mental health issue, means your hands are rather busy and the other children who seem to have it all under control tend to be forgotten.

I don’t mean that I forgot I had two other children, it was just that my daughter is the first born, the leader, she is strong and never really seemed to mind fully that her brother required so much attention. Ki was strong willed, and even if she didn’t like it, she accepted and understood that Aj needed his Mom. Looking back I can’t imagine how difficult the times with this situation were on her. Thankfully now all is well, Aj has been properly diagnosed and is doing amazing!

So now it’s time for me to start taking back some control of motherhood with my daughter and it’s a hard road. I thought I would feel overwhelmed, stressed and just not sure how I was going to tackle everything she has going on on top of dealing with my two sons, but that’s what parents do. We figure it out. There is no question when it comes to what our children need, we just do it!

So the other night when I found that I would have to go back and forth for various activities for two of my children, I didn’t feel overwhelmed, I didn’t let a moment pass by being unproductive. I made the best use of my time and even though my daughter’s Dad is very much involved in her life and still there for her stuff, I am there too. No longer am I on the back burner and it’s the most amazing feeling to see your daughter smile knowing what you went through to make sure you got to whatever it is that she has going on with two hyper boys in tow.

Not only do I show up, but I am smiling and that I think is what makes her smile most. I am showing my daughter that even when times seem overwhelming and near impossible that anything is possible if you bring a smile, a positive attitude and strength into the picture! All I can hope is that she looks back on this new found strength and is strong her own self as she faces challenges in life moving forward. After all, I believe in teaching my children through example not preaching.

Ever Have One Of those Days?

I have been having one of those months, it seems every time I turn around something hasn’t been sent to me that should have, the kids need me and meanwhile I am on the verge of a total breakdown. I could bang my head against a wall, something I often say I just may do if the kids don’t settle down. I always say it with a smile, so I assume that makes it sound less awful?

I could run around crying and screaming. I could climb back into bed and shut out the world. I could do a whole lot of stuff that wouldn’t solve a freaking thing. Instead, my darn brain refuses to let me break down for more than a few moments. I allow myself time to feel as if I am going to cry, breath in air while sitting on the deck and just remember that I have faith and a great attitude. Good things come to good people, even if they have to walk a rocky road to get there.

It’s so difficult to work from home, it’s easy in some ways because I get to do what I absolutely love – writing – and get paid for it, but in some ways when people pay by check instead of PayPal for example, it sucks. It really truly sucks. Contracts with various vendors have an agreement to send you payment from 30 days all the way up to 90 days. I get it, it’s business, but even when I worked outside of the home at an office – when times got tough and something came up I would be able to get some form of a cash advance from my employer.

They trusted me, they knew me as a person in person, not as some virtual person who seems to be legit but who ever knows in this Internet world who is real and who is being fake real. I am real real, a human being who has the fight of her life ahead of her, who has been fighting a serious battle for probably about a year now. Someone who feels like she can’t bear this fight any longer but knows she has to keep moving forward or else all can fall apart for someone special and close to her heart.

It’s so difficult some days, but when I am having one of those days, I am thankful for my brain that refuses to let me get down. My brain is wired differently it seems, even differently than it was a few years ago, it doesn’t allow me to break down more than humanly acceptable. My brain won’t let me sink into some deep state of depression so that nothing gets accomplished and for that reason alone, I thank my brain today, I thank my positive mindset and I thank that I have faith to lead me through the days of hardships because without all of that? I would be curled up in bed right now not writing this blog post.

Images Source: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Choice to Smile Through the Rain

When you see me on the streets, in a store or at the school you will normally see me smiling, I look happy the kids look happy and it appears as if I have not a worry in the world. That is because I have made a conscious decision to smile through the rain. I also made a conscious decision to focus on what makes me happy and try not to let what I can’t control run me down.

The problem with that theory on life is that at times everything comes down at once and the smiles, happy go lucky mindset is unable to keep up. I crash. I literally lay down and pass out to sleep numerous hours. My mind decides it can’t take any more and my body just shuts down. I don’t like that my body does this and I don’t like that so many challenges are on my plate at once, but life is not easy nor is parenting. I deal with life the best way I know how, take one thing at a time, smile through the rain and deal with only what I can control.

Only my closest of friends and some online friends know what is going on in my personal life for I made a choice not to broadcast my problems, it keeps things less stressful. I don’t condone gossip and I refuse to be a part of the local gossip mill. Not that anyone would want to gossip about me, I really don’t do much besides work and be mom, still I am not willing to take that chance. One thing I have also learned in my almost 31 years of life is that no matter how much you try to vent to others, citing that you don’t want advice, they will have their own set of advice based on situations that they feel are similar.

I don’t mind advice, hell I can give myself advice, it’s just that in some areas of life I suck at actually taking that advice or following through with what I know is most likely best to do. You see, life is not as simple sometimes as a yes or no answer and so you roll with the punches keeping your head held high and focus on things that make you happiest and the things you can control.

So when you see me smiling out there in the world, remember I am human too with a lot of things on my plate right now, do not confuse my decision to focus on what makes me happy as having an easy life; for that is not the case at all.

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