Let’s Get Real Honest Here. #parenthood #relationships

There is a lot in my brain these days. As the warm sun shines down and I feel my head start to clear up from the gloom Winter casts upon my soul. Spring has sprung they say, but here in New Hampshire we had a few days of 70′s then Mother Nature decided to have a hormonal swing and dumped a few inches of snow on our green grass. I won’t let a little bit of snow hold me down though, I am thankful for my mind to be more at ease. I say it’s my praying that has opened my eyes but it could also be the strength from the sunshine beaming down upon me, warming my soul and allowing my thoughts to flow more wholeheartedly.

Sunshine Warms My Soul: Thoughts from a Mom

My honesty today, all starts with parenthood; I am a Mom first and foremost, that is my job that will be mine forever. I like to say until my children are 18 years old that they are my 100% priority, but in all reality, I am sure they will be my priority long after age 18. It just sounds better to know at age 18, I may get a break from my Mom job. For now, my children are 11, 7 and 5 years of age. My 7 year old is on the spectrum, my 5 year old could be labeled as ADHD if you must place a label, and my 11 year old is my only girl who is battling the hormones that Mother Nature gave us females to deal with. It’s a juggle. Every. Single. Day.

I can honestly say I adore being a mother, it’s something that I do naturally, I was apparently blessed with a very huge maternal instinct and while no parent is perfect, I think this Mom Job has to be the most rewarding one yet and I am proud to say my three children get great grades, think for their own self, know what makes them tick and they have a heart of gold. To me, I’ve done my job and will continue to do my job. I lead by example and if I am not at my full capacity of happiness, neither are my children. All day I work to raise my children, it is my job to be their parent { and their Dad’s too, of course}. I am not one of those parents who wants anyone else to determine what’s best for my children, I am the one who spends the most time with them and I am constantly observing them to see how I can work to better them and teach them how to be well rounded individuals.

My Mom job makes it so that at the end of the night, when the children lay asleep in their beds, all I want to do is one of two things; write my little heart out on my websites OR put my feet up on the recliner watching a funny show to laugh the day away. What I don’t want to do is; have another adult around me. I will be honest with you and with myself, at the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is have another responsibility placed on my shoulders to please another human being. I don’t mind having company on occasion, I don’t mind engaging in adult conversations but reality is that I spend a predominant amount of my time working from home to make money and raising my kids; the last thing I have time for is a relationship.

I am finding this to be the truth, this lack of wanting or having time for a relationship, more and more as each day comes. My middle child has not been on any medications since January 20, 2014. He is excelling. My son has come so far and it’s taken a lot of hard work on my part as well as on his father’s part. We have worked so hard to ensure that our son doesn’t need medications, it’s a challenge raising children and if you are choosing to be with someone, then it should be someone who can help balance out the juggling with you. This isn’t easy to find. I am told far too often the level of parenting I do is something few see anymore. People commend me for my hard work as a Mom and honestly that makes me more happy than anyone commending me about a relationship status.

At the end of the day I find that I just, in all honesty, do not have time for another human being nor do I want that pressure placed upon me; even if that other adult isn’t placing pressure upon me himself, it’s his presence and the title of being in a relationship that can get me down. I feel weighted and the only area that is weighing me down is a relationship status. This is crazy to some, this isn’t me saying “oh my gosh I am with a total jerk”, it’s me saying at the end of the day, I am starting to see the Light …. I am simply someone who is too focused, driven and motivated in the areas of Parenthood and Running a Business to add to that. I have always been a hard worker, never been a hard relationship worker, while I feel I worked hard to try to keep my prior marriage to the father of my son’s together, it comes down to this – I am far too busy working on my children and myself to try to work on someone else being part of that. Not right now. It just weighs me down. The fact that this weighs me down, makes things a lot more clear to me, there’s nothing wrong with the relationship per say or the other person, it’s just me. I don’t do well with relationships when I am so focused on things I find more important; my children and my work. That may be selfish, but I am so unselfish with my children that I deserve a little selfishness in ensuring I am at my best!

It’s difficult to be this honest with someone, because I have had these conversations privately. They seem to go no where. It seems I walk alone on my path of ensuring my true inner happiness is always there. Few can relate to that, for society doesn’t condone us to be individuals and listen to our souls. Society wants to push us to be with someone, we can’t make it on our own, we must bow down to the powers of having that person beside us. I don’t believe that everyone is ready for a relationship when they happen into one, but they take the risk and hope it works out. Now, I am not condoning walking away from a relationship just because of a hard day or a week long funk between the two of you; relationships take work. Love takes work. I know this. I am simply saying; I don’t have the energy, time nor desire to put forth that type of energy towards a relationship right now. I am pretty sure that’s why I said yes to the ring but opted to push the wedding date out another year; something inside of me knows I am no good with relationships while raising my children right now.

My children need me at my best, that is the one gift I can make a choice to give them, even if no one understands it right away, including my children. I do my best to be honest with others and myself and this is me pouring my clear mind and warm soul out to the world.

Have Movie Night in the Comfort of your Own Home

Okay so maybe you are not a movie buff and just having an adult only night works best for you to play cards, read together or do something but for my relationship, having a movie night together while the kids are asleep is a fabulous way to connect as adults. All day and most evenings we are parents, taking care of the children and making their needs come first.  When 8 o’clock rolls around and all is silent we turn to our On-Demand movie selections to get a peek at current movies. Depending upon your location you may look at Time Warner Cable for your on-demand movie selections or movie previews. It’s great to have a selection of on-demand movies so that when the kids are asleep, the parents can still have a “movie night” in the comfort of their own home.

One way my boyfriend and I stay connected is really as simple as sitting down on the couch at the end of the night, chit chatting about our day, then turning our minds off “life mode” to watch movie selections, movie trailers and reviews of the current on-demand titles available. Occasionally we get stuck on two movies, not being able to decide so we turn to looking at movie reviews or the movie trailers again and again until we can come to a decision on that perfect-for-us film. Having friends who have Time Warner Cable, I have seen that many enjoy the selections of movies for on-demand services, you should check out timewarnercableoffers.com to see what they have to offer you in your particular area.

Right now the hottest movies are out for your viewing pleasure, such as The Heat and We’re The Millers, two hilarious films worthy of an adult movie night on the couch with popcorn or a drink in hand. Time Warner Cable has a wide selection of movies at your fingertips and a variety of cable packages for your viewing pleasure. In addition to cable television Time Warner Cable also offers you internet. Package up your necessary products in a reasonably priced way after reviewing their product packaging options on site.

Whatever you choose for your cable channels, make sure to take advantage of the on-demand features because that is what makes movie night the best night in our home – whether alone or with the children.

Marry You, Marry Me? But One Must have a Ring First

Tis the season for marriage proposals! Seems to me that late Spring/early Summer is the season for the weddings and during the colder month season it becomes times for couples to engage each other with a proposal for a lifetime of love together. Notice, I did not say lifetime of bliss, but if you choose the right person to marry then I suppose maybe you will have a lifetime of bliss. It all depends on the choices we make and the first choice a person makes when proposing is the engagement ring. Mind you, not every wedding proposal carries a man down on one knee with a ring in hand but that’s my silly little fairy tale idea that plays out in most romantic films.

There are many companies online that offer a better pricing range than most local shops, at least that has been my experience. Most recently I was introduced to Whiteflash, a company that sells Certified Diamonds, Designer Engagement Rings and other jewelry for the jewelry lover in your life. If I were to ever, ever get married again I would prefer a man down on one knee with a 3 stone ring in hand, beyond that, I want him to do something unique to who he is to show his love to me in that moment. While I am not a huge money spender, I do know putting forth the most heart felt, personal proposal for the woman you love will become a memory of a lifetime.

3 Stone Proposal BandI can completely understand how it would be difficult for a man to choose an engagement ring for their proposed future wife, that is if the wife has a very specific opinion on what jewelery she will accept for an engagement ring. Maybe if that is the case, you should wait on proposing and give you a ring of commitment instead such as one of the hearts and arrows diamonds ring selections. Proposing to the woman of your dreams is not all about her, it is about the love you two share. The future wife and husband; together in harmony being one combined couple, building a family or combining a family you all have already; depending upon if you are starting fresh or coming back to the idea of marriage after having been divorced previously.

There are so many amazing wedding band ideas as well as engagement ring ideas out there for even the most simple of men. I know not all men are super romantic and that is okay but be sure to know if you are buying a ring with certified diamonds because later on when that ring breaks or a “diamond” is lost, it will be extremely important to know if you purchased a fake diamond ring (cubic zarconia) or certified diamonds. Designer engagement rings may cost a bit more, but they are known to last quite a bit longer. With some products, especially jewelry, money spent can really make or break the long term wear and tear a jewelry piece can handle.

My advice to you is that if you are ready to be proposed to, do not rush your partner into the idea. It is always best to leave the partner you absolutely love to be ready on his/her own to get to that step because then, and only then, will you know for sure that you are marrying someone who proposed to you when the time was right for you two as a couple for the long haul.

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There are So many Forms of Abuse, Let’s All be Kind

Every form of abuse, to adults and children, hurts. It can be physical and emotional, the sad thing is that emotional abuse is the kind that goes overlooked until that teen on the news is caught shooting someone or their own self.  Again, I will remind you all that guns do not kill people, people kill people. I watch the news as these teens with deep issues go unnoticed and it makes me sad. I wish there were more rule books on how to realize your child is having an emotional melt down. You see not all people speak up when they are going through abuse, some have no one to speak up to.

It seems in this day and age everyone should really start coming to grips with the fact that there is a lot of stress going on in this world. Some families have no clue if they will have a place to live from one day to the next, parents get grumpier as they lose jobs, income and find themselves unable to support their children. Stress and worry can really do a toll to a family unit and the kids sometimes are the ones who hurt the most watching their parents struggle.

One thing I firmly believe in, when it comes to being a parent or any care giver to another child, is that you have to support that child. Even if you have no clue what the heck they are talking about nor understand why they feel the way they do about various situations in their lives – you need to just support that child. Always. No matter what.  Do not put down a child for crying over something you deem silly, because to them? It isn’t silly.

How would you feel, as an adult, to hear that what you feel doesn’t matter, what you feel isn’t important. That you have to fit this specific mold to be loved, that you have to pretend to be someone you are not in order to gain acceptance in this world? Worse yet, within your own family unit? I couldn’t imagine having to be a certain type of person in order to feel love from my parents. Sure my parents didn’t always agree with things I did, they punished me, and yes I was a child who was spanked, hit with a belt and had that type of punishment for my actions growing up.

Although I am not a “spanking” mom, I believe that I turned out fine. It wasn’t abuse. Did I ever feel as though my parents didn’t love me? From time to time, probably. I felt they didn’t get me. I felt such negativity towards myself and them. I had issues. As an adult, I finally worked my way through those issues and am proud to be who I am today. This is why I will fight tooth and nail, every possible moment I can to ensure I encourage parents to be more positive with their kids and less negative. To encourage a love and appreciation for other parents and children, never would you catch me putting down another child or parent.

I hate when I hear another parent stating such negative about another persons child or parent, my skin cringes and I look for the nearest exit, because I don’t want to have this conversation. Most recently, I decided to no longer hide from these awkward inappropriate talks about other parents and children and to start encouraging a love for all. Who cares where you live, who cares what you make for money, who cares if you are better off or worse off than me – we are all human beings and there needs to be more love, less abuse. Emotional abuse can take years to fix, why not encourage instead of discourage today because the children of today will remember how you made them feel when they are in their adult years.

Feelings are a strong part of who we are. We feel a lot. Emotions are a huge part of our human being makeup. So today, I invite you to stand up for someone who is being abused, stand up and be strong for them, be the person they need to speak to. Don’t bash them, don’t judge them – just listen and do all you can to help!

Do Not Ignore Red Flags When Dating

Dating can be stressful for some and for others it can be simply fun. To go from a long term relationship into the life of a single woman it can mean so much more freedom and you may want to jump right into the dating scene. Maybe you are not seeking another long term relationship right away, but you are ready to meet new people and make new friends.

Image: kanate / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There are some things to pay attention to when dating for the first time or dating all over again. Not all online dating sites perform a background check on those who setup a profile on their website which means it is left up to you to form a good judgement of the person’s character before you meet them in person. If you are not able to fully form a character judgement virtually via telephone and online conversations then try to meet for the first time in a public place.

When meeting the person for the first time make sure to follow your gut instinct about the person sitting with you on the date. Do not ignore the little internal alarms that go off about a person just because you don’t want to prejudge a person. Following your gut instinct when faced with dating strangers will save you from getting into a bad situation.

As much as we all wish to think of the good in people there are some bad people out there that may be seeking out females on dating sites simply to use them, abuse them or worse. I would like to say that online dating sites should do background checks on those that sign up on their website but that would require the sites to start collecting social security numbers which would lead to more legal issues, at least that is what was stated in this Time news article.

Whether an online dating site does a background check on members or not it is still vitally important to always meet in a public place for the first few dates and always trust your gut instinct.

Have you participated in the online dating scene? How did that work for you?

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