I Won’t Let Them Suffer for Any of my Insecurities #motherhood

It was that time of day, my 9am to 11am shift at Moms.com was over, it was a sunny, warm Thursday morning and the boys had been so patient, entertaining themselves while I worked for two hours within the same room as them. I knew I had to do something, but we have been to the family pool nearly every day this Summer, I didn’t want to pack up and drive over to Vermont, I wanted something different today. The boys deserved to go out and have fun, because four week days this Summer they will have to endure me working 9am to 11am, they deserve to have the remainder of the day all about them. I work from home to make memories, so what kind of memories could be made on this fine day?

Overcoming my Own Insecurities to be the Best Mom and Woman for My Kids

In all reality, I really didn’t want to go out in public, I ran out of waxing strips awhile back so my eyebrows are growing in and my upper lip is certainly ready for a waxing. I wanted to stay home, sit in front of the fan and just veg out, but that is not what my son’s would enjoy. Summer break is about them, it’s about having the best few months ever during their break from school. At least, that is how I feel.

I needed to just suck it up, get on my bathing suit and shorts with a tank top, ignore my bloated belly and over sized breasts. I needed to just think about the type of person I am, not what the shell of my outer body says to others. By the way, who gives a crap what others judge my body image to be from; I always say it’s from having kids, Winter time and lack of my exercise routine. I eat pretty decently, and I stopped working out; but really? It’s not my place to explain to another human being why I look the way I look. I am me. I am happy and the type of person I am is the type of person I want my children to grow up to be; what I look like is irrelevant.

Overcoming my Own Insecurities to be the Best Mom and Woman for My Kids

I hate that my breasts are huge, they are huge because I fed my children though. I can’t complain for having large breasts because they grew from a C cup to an H cup because I fed my children. I lost a lot of weight at first from breastfeeding and I shouldn’t have to hide my top heavy body because people can’t handle seeing cleavage. I do not wear outfits like above, except when I am at the beach, but I do like v-neck shirts that are appropriate outside of the beach area. This is me in my bathing suit, one in which you wouldn’t usually catch me in, but this year, I decided to make a change. I decided to change my mindset…. I will be okay with my body. The wide hips, the lack of a bum, the large top heavy breasts, my large biceps, my upper lip not waxed right now, the eyebrows not perfectly waxed and the freckles that cover nearly all of my body …

I am embracing every bit of myself, because if I do not do that, how can anyone else? Also, how can my children learn to embrace their unique individual traits if not by their parents example? I expect the parents to be the role model, so while I can’t look in the mirror and totally LOVE my body image, I can do a few things; accept myself for who I am and focus on the love of my personality, accept my body as is or work out, excercise and go hiking with the kids to teach them that my body weight does matter health wise, but beyond that? My body weight will not keep me down. I will enjoy Summer break with the kids, and I will do so with my head held high, a skip in my step and a huge smile upon my face, because

I am making this the best Summer ever, and one in which will set the standard high for all future Summers.

 

What Does a Person on State Assistance Look Like?

There was a recent blog post spreading around Facebook about Food Stamps and that is what encouraged me to write this blog post. The post was about how judged a woman felt about using food stamps, because the man behind her uttered something negative about her using food stamps to pay for her groceries. It really is so sad that there are many entitled, judgmental people in this world that they think they can judge someone on a simple first glance of that person. I don’t think any of us  owe an explanation to anyone about our life nor our finances. All too often people feel entitled to know what you make, how much you work, what type of lifestyle you lead, what foods you choose to eat or feed your kids. We are in this world where we constantly feel judged and get reprimanded for not living in a way that others choose to or are able to live.

No two people have the same past, so therefore no two people will have the same present. Stop placing judgement and saying cruel things to other human beings. Just stop!

I ask you all this, just exactly what does someone on state assistance, such as food stamps, look like? They look like you and me, they look like the person on the side of the road homeless, they look like your child and my child. They look like HUMAN BEINGS. There is no definition for a person who receives assistance; there was a time in my life when I found myself as a single mom with a baby and guess what? I had to use food stamps. I have had to use state assistance for it’s purpose in the past and guess what? I look just like you or you or YOU.

What does someone on State Aide look like?

“Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

I am so sick of some bad apples who abuse a system making us all pre-judge someone without any history or knowledge of who they are as a person. Sure, the person you saw just used food stamps to buy food but they are driving, what you call, a nice car. Sure, someone just used aide to pay for their child’s healthcare, well do you use the Government Healthcare System? Then I guess you are on aide as well. Just stop with the “I am better than you mentality” people. WE are all human freaking beings and WE ALL deserve respect. There is no need to frown upon another human being for needing help.

Because a man or woman treated you badly in a relationship, do you shun and mutter cruel words about that gender each time you come into passing of that gender? I hope not. You cannot make everyone pay for a bad experience, ever. There are bad people, but there are a hell of a lot of good people too, just open your eyes and heart!

At some point in time in our life, everyone will need a hand up. A shoulder to cry on. A person to boost them. A bit of financial aid to get back on their feet. God forbid you, man who judged that woman on food stamps, ever need a helping hand. I pray to God you never do need to put aside your pride and get help, because it’s not easy for the majority of our world to get assistance due to people like you. Our pride gets in the way of our own self, because of people like you. We don’t want you looking down upon us, we don’t want you to treat us differently because God forbid we needed to use a form of state aide to get back on our feet.

Shame on you who thinks it’s okay to shun someone for the type of assistance they need. I know a lot of people who get state aide, and quite frankly it’s none of my business if they get that aide. I will be honest with you, 99.9% of the people I know who are on aide actually worked most of their lives and paid into that system, so why can’t they use some of those funds as a means to get back on their feet?

Next time you want to utter a cruel and mean word under your breath, remember people who use assistance are just like you and me, they are your children, your grandchildren, your elders, they are people and these people have feelings!

How to Make a Valid Decision and Follow Through

Many are faced with decisions to make every day, whether it be what to purchase for groceries, what items your children need or much bigger decisions such as divorce, we all have decisions to make on a daily basis. I decided that I would make an easy to follow list of how you can make a valid decision and follow through.

Because you know, I am like so good at that myself. {if you are sensing sarcasm, you are correct}

While I may not be great at following my own advice, and really, who is? I am very great at lending advice that if followed through with makes perfect sense and actually works out as a benefit to your life as you know it! Come along with me, amuse me if you will.

Read on …

How to Make Valid Decisions and Follow Through

Yes. No Maybe. We live in a world full of non-committal responses and actions. We fear to say YES and NO more and tend to lean closer to MAYBE. This is not okay. Maybe doesn’t get you anywhere. Except, well, honestly I firmly believe maybe will get you nowhere fast.

Okay, are you ready for my advice to start? I hope so. I really do. I need to feel as if I am helping someone because Spring is here and it’s time to turn over a new leaf!

  • Acknowledge that there is a Decision to be Made – Come face to face in the mirror with your own self and make a firm realization that things just have to change. A decision has to be formed, sooner rather than later.
  • Understand What Decision has to be Made – Take the scenario that you are faced with, a piece of paper, a pen and write down a pros and cons list of this decision you are faced with. Do not do this during times of high emotion or hormone fluctuations.
  • Share Pros and Cons with a Close Friend – Take your list of pros and cons with the decision written above it and ask a close friend if they feel your pros and cons list are truly valid enough to argue a point to make the decision you must make. Logic, emotions and a third unbiased person’s opinion matter in the decision making process.
  • Set a Date – Make yourself commit to a date that you have to address this decision by and do not back peddle. Stick with this decision, even if it’s the hardest decision you have ever made in your life. Setting a date allows you to take time to continue to think it out, rationalize with yourself and hold yourself accountable to take action.
  • Speak Truth and With a Matter of Fact Tone – This is a great tip for those deciding to divorce or end a friendship, we can notice if a person is using a confident “they have made their final decision tone” or not. Do not allow the other person to feel as if there is hope, room for them to change your mind or anything like that. Keep a matter of fact, this is how it is type of tone when speaking.
  • Be Sure to Address Valid Reasons for Decision – When making the decision be sure that you are dealing with it in regards to logistical reasons and emotions. Sometimes, depending upon the decision to be made you may have to weigh heavier on the emotional side than logistical side, but I am sure you can determine which type of decision this falls under.
  • Breath and Follow Through to the End- This is the last step, be sure to breath and move forward from here. Do not fear how the other person affected by your decision is going to respond because in all reality you are the one person who matters most and that goes to saying without being selfish. You are not selfish for putting your own needs/sanity/emotions/well being ahead of anyone else. Do not stop to look back, we only move forward in life!

These tips are pretty much great for any scenario but with some situations it may require a long process to completely finish and follow through with. The whole point to this post really is to …

Allow yourself to be important. Your needs and emotions are valid. Life is about living it to the fullest in your  happiest of ways, do not allow anyone else to make you question your own well being. It isn’t fun to hurt others, but sometimes in life we have to in order to find our true self and love our true self.

“Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

My One Tidbit of Advice For Anyone and Any Situation

I, like most of you, have been through a lot of experiences both great and some bad. I, like most of you, have learned from these mistakes and do my best to spread my advice on what to do as a means to assist others in seeing a different side of their scenario. Some people love the advice, while others think I am meddling in their world. You see, I am great at lending just the right advice to others but not always one to take my own advice. I think that’s called being human.

How to Lead a Happy Life

I have a lot going on in my world right now. In December I accepted a marriage proposal and have yet to really think much about the actual wedding planning. There are a lot of other things that weigh more heavily on my mind and heart than a wedding. Children for example. There is a lot going on behind the scenes.

I wish I could share every last detail, because I am sure someone out there is dealing with similar issues, but alas I cannot share details. All I can say is that co-parenting should be easier than most people make it out to be. That frustrates me beyond belief at how so many fail at co-parenting their children, in return the children pay the ultimate price and anyone else who is part of those children’s lives. Sigh.

I think my simple most non-complicated piece of advice I can lend you all, no matter what you are dealing with, is this;

Try not to be quick in reacting with emotional responses. Take time to think, with an open mind, where other people may be coming from with what they are saying or doing in life. Take time to realize that, while you think you are doing it all right, the other person/people may think you are doing it all wrong. If you can keep a positive mindset, speak with heart felt opinions, and keep an open mind about the other side of the story, then I think you can survive nearly any unpredicted scenario that plays out in your life.

Do Not Ever Include a But in an Apology

An apology has unmeasurable power in the ability to move forward from negative situations. I firmly believe a good apology is second best to forgiveness. One may say that you can only forgive a person when a good apology is included, but that is not actually true, forgiveness is something that comes within you and doesn’t always mean the other person has felt apologetic for their actions. A true apology is something that builds a bond between people and forgiveness doesn’t always build a stronger bond.

How to Apologize Correctly

All too often I have been caught in the cross fires of a heated battle regarding a variety of topics, when people are passionate about topics they tend to let their fiery side come out and mean things can be spoken or typed. I talk a lot about “living the example I want my kids to be” and this theory holds true with apologies. One of my biggest pet peeves is that one cannot apologize if they include a but in the sentence, here’s an example of an apology gone wrong;

I’m really sorry I called you those names but you were being unreasonable and you just made me so angry. You shouldn’t have made me that angry and I wouldn’t have called you those names.

Can you see how an apology like that one would not leave the person feeling as if that friend is genuinely sorry for their actions? When you make the decision to apologize to someone it means that you are truly sorry for your actions and you can see the wrong doing on your part, when you include a but in that sentence that simply turns the blame back onto the person you were supposedly trying to apologize to.  Passing the blame or making excuses is not proper etiquette for apologizing.

Follow these simple rules when apologizing and you will find stronger bonds between yourself & your kids, as well as yourself and other adults;

  • Only apologize for actions you are truly sorry for.
  • Accept that you were wrong for having done whatever it is you did and that you will try harder next time.
  • Be kind, use a tone of voice that has an apologetic ring to it; tone of voice & body language says a lot.
  • Try not to make the same mistake twice; once you have truly apologized work to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

There are times when I am off my rocker stressed out and in crazy Mama Bear mode, I am not a perfect parent nor am I a perfect human being. I admit my faults and I do my best to apologize when wrong. One area that I personally am working on as a parent is to apologize for my wrong actions without blaming the situation that caused my reaction. For example, if I were to yell at my kids because I was just at my point of “had enough” but they didn’t really deserve having their Mom raise her voice, I will simply apologize like this – “I am sorry for my reaction, I shouldn’t have yelled, that wasn’t the proper way to handle the situation. I love you guys and I will try harder to use a better tone of voice next time”. Then when next time rolls around, I work to ensure that my tone of voice is proper for the scenario.  My kids have learned to respect me because they know I respect them. My kids have learned to apology correctly and take blame for their own actions because I do the same.

I am sure others may have good tips on how to properly apologize, what would you add to my list of items to share with others on how to apologize in a proper way?

“Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

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