There’s a huge piece of me that believes you stick by family regardless of who they are, decisions they make and how they treat you. As time has gone on and I near the age of 35, have a great work from home business that I built from the ground up and three kids to think about, I have realized family isn’t what I always thought it was.
There is something more to be said about having a family member who is constantly selfish and does nothing but drain you each time you are around them.
I hate that I have to step away from my little sister, I love her deeply. I want her to get the help I feel she needs, possibly anger management? I want her to see the beauty within her daughter’s eyes and learn to love her unconditionally. Learn that those words she says had once hurt her deeply as a child and yet she is doing the same to her own child.
Do not repeat history. And if you are repeating history, hear out those who are trying to help you.
Spitting in my face with a threat that I won’t ever be asked to have my niece again, after I get involved to take my niece into my home. I cared for her. I fed her. I bathed her. I gave her some of her childhood days back. I helped my sister at a low point in her life, granted it was for two weeks because let’s face it I have a business and three kids of my own. I have worked my butt off for the life I live! An extra child with needs due to having not enough attention and constantly being yelled at, is a lot to take in.
I had no idea how much my niece needed because of all she has gone through in her short three years of life and how she has been treated!
Because I was honest with my sister and DCYF stating that, “I cant’ give her what she needs”. Once I Made that decision that I can’t provide for this child the way she requires, our Mom then our Dad and Step Mom came in to help with this little girl, I am the bad guy? I seriously am like WTF. There’s no other way to describe what I felt in that moment.
I grew up always worrying about my little sister, I constantly ticked her off because I was more of a mother to her than a sister. As I became a mother of my own children, I realized I had to step away from the mother role and be more of a big sis to my little sis but boy that doesn’t seem to matter.
She spat in my face with a threat instead of just being grateful I took in this little girl and the state didn’t nab her that night! Many don’t realize there’s more to that story than what my Sis tells everyone, remember I was the initial person beyond my Sis who heard what the police officer thought needed to happen that night! It isn’t my story to tell, but it is far more than what my Sis tried making everyone believe.
Dear Little Sis,
When DCYF or the cops are knocking down your door again because you lost your temper, as you do, don’t come calling me. I can’t be a part of your life until you learn to do something better for yours. Think about the pain you suffer from the hands of your own childhood, one in which we both were raised in, but have completely different memories of. Think about the pain you were caused from what our parents have said or not said to us growing up. All of this stuff you confided in me through the years and yet you sit here and treat your family like crap?
I wish you the best and do hope somewhere you find peace within your soul. I will forever love you.
Your Big Sis
Others in our family can continue to be there for my little sis. They can say this is just how she is. This is just a phase. That’s their decision. My decision has been to walk way. I long to have my little sis back, I will forever love and care about her, but at the same time … we are now in our 30’s and I think it’s time to do some soul searching and realize what we did as teens & young adults to screw up things doesn’t cut in the adult world.
At some point you need to realize you are causing more harm than good and look into the eyes of your little girl … look at the photos of her with family and see where do you find that little girl looking happiest?
Do you not long to get help with the anger you hold inside? Do you not desire to have that little girl look like that with you? I know on your good days you do long for these things … I know this because I have seen you at your best!
I just cannot get on the same page with my little sis and so as much as I wish I could help inspire her to be stronger, more compassionate, more loving and friendly to others who help her – that’s something she has to figure out on her own. I cannot be brought down the ride she is heading down, it’s a downward spiral that even her own daughter shouldn’t be on but that’s her child and we can’t change another human being nor take a child away from her mother. I had hoped this little girl being born, a miracle baby would have inspired a motherly instinct and it did … for awhile but troubling times seem to have risen and here we are … not speaking as it goes with our sibling history.
This hurts, it never will get easier, but I can’t be like everyone else and sugar coat things because I am done. There’s a little girl involved now and that little girl deserves a life of being a child …. A real child who can go outside and play. A real child who doesn’t get constantly yelled at for just being a toddler. A real child who is acting out as a means to say, “Look mama I love you and I want you to be my Mama and play with me”.
This little girl once said to me, “My Mama used to play with me when I was a baby. She no play with me now. I want Mama to play with me like I was a baby. I liked that”. In that one moment tears came to my eyes … I hope that my sister can get on a good path, get help that she needs and make decisions about who she really should have in her life so that this little girl can have that Mama playing with her as she did on the floor when this little girl was a baby.
My niece doesn’t want her Mama to be all active with her, she just wants a bit of her Mama’s time just like in those baby days .. on the floor playing toys with her. It’s that simple. She just wants to feel the Mama love. My sister’s MS is there, I get it, but work around it. This little girl is calling out for you to just sit down and give her some attention on a regular basis, “like when she was a baby”.
We only have today, tomorrow is not a guarantee, and as much as this hurts .. I can’t keep getting stomped on for trying to extend a hand to help. Judge me if you will, but I say this is me being strong and finally saying that I deserve to be treated better. I hear the lies and incorrect versions of stories being told to the family, I have watched long enough while this story then that story and oh wait another story gets told.
Just stop telling stories, let go of all the troubled people you choose to be with and realize that right now you need to focus on yourself and your child who loves you deeply!
My intentions when writing this was to speak the truth as I see it. Speak the hurt as I feel it. This is an important discussion for me to write out. I own my own blog for a reason, to write what I so desire to write. Publishing this was something that I had to do for my peace of mind in hopes that it can help others learn that family matters and while you may not like what family has to say, they usually have your best interest at heart. Again, I love my Little Sis, but right now she’s not the person I know she can be. Deep within her soul there is that sister that is shining through in all of the photos I featured here today, may my Little Sis find the light back to being that happy woman she longs to be.