The learning how to communicate for the first time with someone who isn’t backing out, who is in this for the long haul has probably been one of the most difficult parts of our relationship for me. You see, I can talk your ear off, I am great at rambling but when it comes to having an actual conversation that could seem to be a confrontational topic I either shutdown or get defensive. It’s just how I have always been with certain topics. When it comes to a relationship, I am Mom and I am me, it’s been so many years being independent even in past relationships that to work with someone seemed so extremely foreign to me.
Wait, you actually desire to work together, discuss things and come to a common ground that is beneficial for us both and the whole family? What?
Such a hard concept for me to swallow at times, but I have learned. I am sure there will still be mistakes that arise and an issue that come up, that’s just how life goes. You place two people together who want a long term life together and issues are inevitable, but thankfully we have the patience overall to work through it. Even if it seems chaotic in the moment, we always come back to a place of reasoning and work through the discussion.
As time goes on I do get better with communication but the most recent difficulty I have struggled with is our moving in together. This is a huge step, even though we’ve nearly spent every day together, the totally residing together concept was scary to me. I love him. I want to be by his side through life but for some reason that step of residing together scared the crap out of me and I lost it a little bit. I pushed him away, I focused on any little thing I could and it really caused a stir in our relationship. I totally lost my mind between PMS and getting myself scared … for no logical reason.
That’s just it, many times there’s no logical reasoning behind me being scared, but it’s there. It appears. Even when I feel fully committed to what we have in our sight for the future. Maybe it’s just human nature to have that little bit of nervousness arrive when you start planning for the future, even old stories talk about the bride having cold feet. Guess it is to be expected.
What I love is that we work through it, we talk regardless of how painful it is to communicate. We sit and we talk every night together. On kid free weekends we go on a road trip to enjoy each other, reconnect and converse about the good, bad and indifferent. We open our hearts to each other and talk our problems out rather than fighting and pointing fingers in judgement.
There have been a many conversations in this last year to try to piece our life together and I truly believe we have come a long way since those first days of trying to communicate. What I take away from the last year together in regards to communication is that it truly is the glue that holds a couple together long term. If you are in a new relationship or been married for years, make sure to continuously work on communicating to each other your wants, needs, desires, and fears because this is your life long partner and you both deserve to have everything in the open so you can address it while it’s just a tiny issue. If you let things fester up, it could ruin the relationship which is far from what most people desire.
Today, I am thankful for the patience to try to listen wholeheartedly and continue working on our strength of communication together as a couple. That is one challenge that may never be fully mastered, but I am confident we will forever try our hardest to hear each other out no matter what. That is something I truly appreciate in our relationship, it makes me feel safe and secure. I feel as if I can share anything and Mike will truly hear me out, every single time.