I love my children. All of them. Everyone knows this. You can see it in how I write about them, talk about them, and share moments with them.
Sure. I adore my children and I adore being a Mama.
The only problem, thus far, out of all I have experienced up until this point of parenthood is that I cannot handle separation anxiety. Sure I can be tough on the outside and even trick my gut instincts to feeling secure with dropping a crying kid off for the day for school, I can do that. I have to do that. It’s my job.
The issue is that being that strong, every single day, for a child who is going on year two of all day school and never had this issue is that I was hoping and thinking that since my middle son is all settled in to being fine with drop offs that I was over dealing with separation anxiety. After all, my youngest has gone to part days preschool and all day kindergarten so why on Earth would he all of a sudden have an issue later on in life?
The answer is simple: kids will be kids. Also, the schedule has changed a bit, the previous years the school seemed to keep the preschool kids together and this year they are all separated. So you are seeing, not only my son having a difficult time, but other parents told me theirs are having a somewhat tough time too. Just not as dramatic as my K-man, because after all, K-man is my Drama King so he has to go BIG or go HOME. Every time.
Just as I had K-man pretty much to that point of being decent at drop off, sure some tears were there but a quick hug, kiss, love you and waving the “I love you” sign down the hall, without looking back, seemed to be the quickest and best option to allow my little man to be independent at school drop off. Then they had four days off. So we started all over again today.
Motherhood, parenthood, fatherhood …. whatever you want to call it, doesn’t come with one solid handbook for every situation and every individual child; you sort of just have to go with what you know is best for your child while still respecting the teachers, school staff and being the type of Mama you are. That means, I do walk my kid to class, but once he is in class, I say my byes and walk away. No turning back to go back. Nothing more than a solid goodbye with love and a “see you after school” closure. While this is hard for me, I know that once my son doesn’t see me in sight anymore, he turns and asks his teacher for a drink of water, he walks his independent bum down that hallway, gets a drink and is back in class ready for his day!
No one ever told me how difficult being a loving mother would be, but I am thankful that I can be that loving, supportive mother that knows when to let go and when to hang on. Here’s hoping this week goes much better than last and each day gets better than the one prior!