One lesson that was very important to me to teach my children is that LIFE IS NOT FAIR.
I didn’t want my children to grow up with this false sense of reality, ever. From relationships to motherhood to life in general, my kids have seen it all and realized how true the saying “LIFE IS NOT FAIR” really is. I do not do this to be mean, but in all reality parenting can come off pretty “mean” at times, you know, I am the meanie of all meanies. I am hated, I am loved. I am disliked, I am sort of liked. That goes with the job of parenthood. I wouldn’t have it any other way!
From the smallest examples of going swimming; my oldest wears no floaties and only goggles, my middle child wears nothing but occasionally has a tube around him my youngest is armed with floaties on his arm and a tube. Okay, so I have another oldest child too, she is like my daughter, wears no gear except using a noodle on occasion. Even when we go swimming not all of the kids are equipped with the same gear. Then we have the time spent with each child, as a newly found blended home of four instead of three kids, it’s not easy to give the older two girls the attention they may want during the day, because my son with autism takes up a lot of energy and my other son who is hyperactive takes up a lot of my time and energy. In our household, the days are full of us doing things as a family with the boys. That may not be fair, but we do include all of the children in that time, it’s just that the focus is most certainly all about the little boys.
This is why at the end of each week day, Lee and I spend 15 minutes alone with each of our daughters. Chey with her Dad and Ki with me. For only 15 minutes. That time is spent doing whatever the girls want to do, it gives them time to have the floor so to speak, but if you think about it when you compare their 15 minutes to the time spent with the boys during the day – it isn’t fair. I have yet to hear that the girls think this isn’t fair out of their mouths, why? Because they know life isn’t fair and they are thankful to have that undivided attention for any amount of time at end of day. You would be surprised what one can do in 15 minutes.
Then there are the times I go to the store and maybe one kid gets a new shirt or the other kid gets a new toy. I am not the parent who can afford nor wishes to buy a toy for all four children every time the little one wants a $4 Dollar General toy. Give me a break!
So life isn’t fair and the kids do not always get the same time spent, the same wants met, the same wishes and desires met, but at the end of the day? The needs of our family are always met and that, my friends is what matters most. I hope that by instilling that what we need is more important than being fair all of the time hits home with these kids and they grow up to practice similar methods with their own children and friends!