Yes, Parents Need to Parent. Yes, Schools need to Address Mean Kids.

After writing the post I wrote yesterday and listening to readers commentary, it dawned on me that maybe my opinion on the whole matters discussed weren’t really being heard. Today I take a moment to explain where I stand, as a whole, regarding parents needing to parent their children and schools handling what they should handle.

Number One – I agree wholeheartedly that parents need to be parenting their children, parents need to be held accountable to handle their mean children and parent them to be well rounded, compassionate, respectful little human beings. I agree 100%.

With that being said, sadly we live in the day in age where many parents feel it’s the outsiders responsibility to raise their children. I am not lying when I say that about half a year ago I heard my fiance tell me  story of this Mom who basically cited that the “police can raise my son, I am done trying” or something like that. I in no way feel it’s our public service officials job to raise our children, that includes the school systems. What you will find, though, is that most of these mean and cruel kids have been “raised” {term used lightly} by mean and cruel parents. So what is the school to do about that? Sure the school can go and discuss matters with the parents, but that child will probably get beat at home, be treated poorly and never really be sent the right message that they cannot be cruel and mean to others. Instead, the children will be filled with more rage, negative emotions and come back to school being more mean and cruel.

It’s a sad cycle of today’s youth.

Number Two – I agree that some of the articles cited online and in my article yesterday pertain to private school systems. I also have seen articles about some religious schools decisions. Whether we agree or disagree on the proper way to handle it, reality is that those type of schools are out of our hands in control. Many choose those type of schools for that strict structure and balance for their children.

Rules are rules. Sure as adults we realize there are some rules we can bend here and there, but overall with the youth being the way they are today -  most raising themselves and their siblings. The elders in our school systems have to be strict on rules because the parents are not. Again, it’s not the schools responsibility to raise our youth. I totally agree. It is however, the schools responsibility to hold those who have broken rules accountable, such as a bully. To tell the child who was using a My Little Pony lunchbox that he can’t bring it simply because other children were picking on him, is wrong. The children that were picking on him needed to be handled and have a note sent home to their parents. The wrong message with that story, I firmly feel, was that a child who was doing no wrong gets punished while the mean and cruel kids get no or less of a punishment than what they deserve.

It’s a sad cycle of not wanting to offend parents in our society today.

Number Three – The school systems wouldn’t get as much flack if the parents were raising their children instead of having children raise themselves or being their children’s friend. Parents are to raise kids, we are not here to befriend our children. NO way is that EVER a good idea.

You don’t even know how many “party moms or dads” I ran into back in my partying days. Those parents were the “cool” parents, the ones everyone went to because you could get free beer. It was great from a teens perspective, but as a parent? I realize just how wrong that is. Today’s youth do not need anymore friends, they don’t need to think an elder is a friend. We are suppose to teach our children that elders who try to befriend them have something wrong with them. How on Earth can an elder have something in common with a teenager? They can’t. I am noticing that the school systems are sadly left to handle these troubled youth on their own because the parents are not willing to parent their children. So it’s no wonder the school systems are left juggling and trying to find that balance when handling mean and cruel kids. I will be honest, I firmly believe that a majority of mean and cruel kids either have mean and cruel parents or live in a very negative environment. Negative breeds negative. Positive breeds positive.

It’s a sad cycle of parents becoming parents before they are willing to be selfless and put their kids needs first.

 In all honesty I think I covered my thoughts based on comments from readers yesterday, but just in case you are not sure where I am coming from …. here’s my point in a short version;

Parents need to parent their children. Schools need to be able to trust parents to do their jobs so that the school can do theirs. Schools need to hold students accountable for bad behavior, instead of making good kids pay for the ill behaved children. Parents are responsible for those youth that they bring into this world and parents are the ones to teach life lessons; not the schools.

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43 comments

  1. Robin (Masshole Mommy) (190 comments) says:

    When my kids are at school, I expect the teachers and school staff to take care of my kids and if they see something going on like bullying, they need to take care of it. I want to be notified of course, but they need to handle things.

    • Shop with Me Mama (35 comments) says:

      I agree with you Robin! I teach them the best that I can, but when they are at school, I cannot watch them and that is where the teachers come in. If someone is being bullied, or whatever, the teachers need to address it and let the parent/s know.

  2. deb (8 comments) says:

    Such a huge problem, but I think this sums it up best “sad cycle of not wanting to offend parents”.

    So glad my daughter graduates this year and we can put this behind us.

  3. Sue (20 comments) says:

    It is a sad cycle and it seems like whatever the problem is, it just keeps getting repeated because that is what people learn. Like the saying, we live what we learn. I think the major problem is that people do not see themselves as offenders of these issues. Hopefully your post will get through to a few people.

    • brandyellen (380 comments) says:

      Oh That is true too. Not many people are willing to look in the mirror and cite their own issues that they can fix. I am constantly a work in progress, I have an open mind every day to adjust and adapt in ways that will benefit me as an individual, my children and anyone else I have to work with each day. Being able to admit and work on flaws is something too many lack. The reason I say that is that I am commended every single time I meet with a teacher, or a psychiatrist for my son, or anyone working with me kids for being open minded and willing to adapt, they say it’s rare they get to work with parents like me these days.

  4. aimee fauci (7 comments) says:

    I believe in parents raising their own kids and I also believe that the school needs to be the ones that help guide them and keep them on track. Schools are meant to teach education but they are also there to keep them on track with how to be a good human being in this world we live in.

  5. brett (32 comments) says:

    I wouldn’t last 5 min in a public school system as a teacher these days. NO way. Every kid is NOT outstanding. They aren’t all special. They shouldn’t get a good grade for trying.

    No BOSS in the real world will give you a raise or promotion because you show up for work. YOu have to EARN it.

    It’s scary what lies ahead for our society

  6. Krystal (17 comments) says:

    The parent teacher boundaries are difficult to deal with. My son is two years old, and I hope that his teachers do a good job with him at his preschool.

  7. Toni (54 comments) says:

    With things happening at school like bullying, I think it has to be a combination of the school and parents. The school can’t expect parents to handle things during the school day while the child is not with them but the parent does need to address the issue at home after the school has done their part.

  8. Karen (60 comments) says:

    I understand what you’re saying and it’s sad when parents and teachers can’t communicate because the teacher is worried about offending. My daughter is not in grade school yet so it’s going to be interesting to see first hand.

  9. Debra (8 comments) says:

    I totally agree. Parents need to act like parents. It’s not up to anyone else to set the VALUES of our children – but parents also need to have the confidence and trust to let others help enforce the rules. I see too many parents interfering with teacher’s classrooms and rules – there needs to be some sort of common ground.

  10. Alison (41 comments) says:

    My Daughter is a teacher, one parent told her that she wanted to meet to talk about her teaching technique, because her son was misbehaving in class and was not getting his work done.

  11. Aimee Smith (8 comments) says:

    When I was teacher I had a student who was failing almost everything. When I asked the parents about his homework and reading they said (and I am not kidding or exaggerating) “Learning is an at school thing, that is your job. He doesn’t need to read anyway, he is going to play pro football.” I can’t tell you how many notes about bullying went home and came back with a who cares note. I don’t know the answer to this problem, but obviously it is a huge one!

  12. Shell (22 comments) says:

    Parents do need to parent. I don’t expect the school to do that part of my job for me. Though I also think schools do need to address some of these issues, just because it’s impossible to just teach the subjects and not consider the whole child.

  13. Chelsea (6 comments) says:

    I totally agree with everything you’ve said. I definitely think schools need to address SOME issues, and parents need to step up to the plate and stop their kids from being nasty at school. Unfortunately though, a lot of the time the kids that are acting out have a far from perfect home life to learn from :(

  14. Lisa (139 comments) says:

    I’m a parent that feels it is my job to raise my child. School systems aren’t what they used to be in may places and I hardly rely on them for education anymore, sadly.

  15. Amy @ Oh So Savvy Mom (1 comments) says:

    I totally agree with you. I also think you’re spot on about why schools are left to do the disciplining.
    If my child has done something wrong to another child, I want to be notified so that I can follow up with the instruction, punishment, whatever at home.

  16. Janel C. (4 comments) says:

    You are so right, it IS such a sad cycle. And it’s not getting better…only worse. I thought you summed it up really well yesterday but thanks for today’s summary.

  17. Jennifer Bullock {MommyBKnowsBest} (9 comments) says:

    When it comes to raising my kids since they’re not always with me I think it’s best when the teachers/babysitters/etc and I work together for the greater good of the individual child. Not all parents or all teachers/sitters/mentors/coaches feel the same though.

  18. Jessica (107 comments) says:

    As a parent I am always concerned and paranoid when my child goes to school. I am confident that the school staff and her teachers are doing their part in keeping my child safe. I don’t think it’s their responsibility to raise my daughter but I do think it’s their job to protect her and keep her best interest in mind while in their care.

  19. April @ My Real Food Family (2 comments) says:

    I take full responsibility for raising my child but I would really like to see more of a team approach with the schools. Kids spend a significant amount of time with their teachers so teachers can have a great deal of influence. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child. I’m not with my daughter every moment, so I depend on other people to let me know about the good things she does as well as the opportunities to learn.

  20. Melissa (69 comments) says:

    Parents definitely need to parent their children. Do not have a child if you’re not going to take the responsibility of raising them!

  21. Tiffany (Fabulous Mom Blog) (1 comments) says:

    I’m glad you’re writing about this and addressing it. It’s a sad cycle and just seems to be getting worse. I pray every day when my girl goes to school that she will be treated with respect and not picked on. If you’re going to have kids then you need to raise them and teach them right from wrong. I’m just speaking generally, not to you. The collective you :) I hope this post gets around.

  22. Christina S (13 comments) says:

    Totally agree that parents need to parent. I have several friends that are teachers and the problem they have is that not only are parents not parenting, but the school administration will not actually discipline the children. Teachers are left with disruptive students and can not teach anyone.

  23. Keikilani (1 comments) says:

    If parents would do what they are supposed to and schools would do what they are supposed to we would avoid a lot of problems. However, there will always be people who don’t do what they need to for their children. Just keep setting an example and working to teach your own children how to behave no matter what.

  24. Rosey (966 comments) says:

    That last one touches home. I saw kids with parents like that in high school. Those kids grew up to raise kids like that too. I believe so anyway, since they post their pictures of them partying with their high school kids. I don’t understand it at all.

  25. valmg @ Mom Knows It All (10 comments) says:

    I do hear what you’re saying but don’t entirely agree. I don’t think all children that are hurtful to others are necessarily taught it. What they aren’t taught are things like respect, consideration, and acceptance. I was bullied dozens in high school. The school didn’t do anything about it. Parents weren’t told so they couldn’t intervene if they so chose. Now I have a son with special needs. I hear kids throwing about insults and using the word retarded inappropriately and incorrectly all the time. They weren’t all taught to do it, I believe many were just never taught what is acceptable behavior.

  26. Kecia (18 comments) says:

    I agree that parents *should* parent their children and teach them right from wrong and how to treat others. However, we’d be naive if we thought that’s how it worked in every house with children. So, sometimes the schools do need to step in and teach children important character building skills. They also need to enforce rules that keep all students safe from bullies and the like.

  27. Dina (11 comments) says:

    I so agree with you. We need to take on the philosophy of it takes a village and we all need to do our part.

  28. Amanda (42 comments) says:

    I agree with you 100%! I think that parents need to start stepping up or stepping out of the way! If you aren’t going to parent you r child so many couples would love to be given the gift of parenthood!

  29. Amanda Her (10 comments) says:

    I definitely agree that parents need to parent. But if something happens at school I think the school needs to handle it. Sure, I need to be notified, but schools can’t expect a parent to come to the school to take care of a situation.

  30. Autumn (4 comments) says:

    I definitely agree that parents should be held accountable for their child’s actions and behaviors. The My Little Pony thing kind of makes me mad all around, though. I think the school, the bullies, AND the mom are at fault here.

  31. Katie (106 comments) says:

    I think the My Little Pony lunchbox incident is horrifying. I fully believe that the wrong message was conveyed to both the child with the lunchbox (you have to conform) and the children picking on him (we will not make an effort to stop you, or have your parents stop you). I do fully agree that parents need to parent. I also expect that my children’s teachers will guide them in correcting bad behavior they witness, and let me know about it so that I can deal with it at home.

  32. Liz Mays (13 comments) says:

    I don’t understand why parenting has changed so much and kids get so much slack from their parents. It’s frustrating when the schools back down from parents, even though they’re right.

  33. Dawn (73 comments) says:

    I know that there have been many occasions where there have bullying situations in the schools my daughter has attended that were just completely ignored by teachers. It’s bad when a kid asks for help and they are told not to be a snitch.

  34. Stefani (69 comments) says:

    I believe in parents raising their own children. I don’t expect my child to learn how to behave from their teachers. Their first teachers have been me!

  35. Kenda Smith (5 comments) says:

    Teachers are responsible for what happens under their care. They aren’t just teachers, they are guardians for that time during the day. If they have to offend a parent to make sure my child is safe, then that’s what they need to do.

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