Day 6: A Matter of Thinking
Now that my head was clear I was able to have a free mind and…
Parenthood brings joy like no other and sadness like no other. I firmly believe parenthood is a method to test our sanity, and if we come out on top after raising children with a brain that still works, a smile upon our face and children that survived to become well rounded adults – that we mastered it. It’s the path along the way that gets use shook up.
I blamed myself for my son Aj having issues. After all, I wasn’t prepared to be a mom for a second time when I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t want to have another baby just yet, my life was simple as a mom of one and I enjoyed having my daughter getting to that fun age of doing more. I wasn’t ready. When Aj was born, I only nursed him for 8 weeks because he was a big eater and I had a little girl to raise as well as this new baby, so bottle feeding formula was the way I went after 8 weeks of breast feeding. Aj wasn’t ever really snuggled a lot as a baby, he wasn’t kissed, hugged and shown affection in the way my first born and last born child was during those baby years. I always wondered if maybe that was partially why Aj has been struggling with moods and other symptoms. I had to have a counselor tell me multiple times that I need to stop blaming myself, what’s going on with my son is not something I did or did not do. It’s how his brain is wired, that’s out of my control.
As a parent, I sometimes raise my voice unnecessarily. It’s sometimes raised to get the kids attention because they have run a muck for far too long and I need to get them to hear me above their own chatter, then other times it’s simply because I am overtired and happen to yell instead of talk at a normal decibel to them. I hate doing that. I watch as Aj goes into full blown tears, Aj doesn’t like loud noises from anyone or anything – it puts him into frustrated mode or tearful mode. When that happens, I blame myself for making the mistake of yelling and handling a situation poorly.
I look back at all of these mistakes I make here and there in parenthood and I realize something…
Every single parent in the whole wide world has these moments, those moments when you do something and hang onto the fact that you wish you hadn’t. Parents seem to hang onto these little mistakes we make while our children happily go along with their world, easily forgiving you before you have forgiven yourself.
Kids are resilient, they truly are. I love how sweet, kind and innocent kids are. Kids are simple. It’s easy, you say sorry, you mean sorry and you do better next time – your kids know you will try to do better next time. Our kids seem to have more faith in us as parents than we sometimes have in our own selves. So the next time you want to sit and sulk, and be upset with yourself for handling a situation wrong, as it pertains to parenthood, remember that your kids are fine. The kids have moved on from that scenario and so should you!
Try to cut yourself some slack, we all make mistakes and yes, we sometimes make the same ones twice as it pertains to parenthood, but one thing is for sure YOUR KIDS THINK YOU ROCK THE PARENTING THING so go on and prove them right.