That Moment You Realized, “I done Good”

This right here is my daughter. My lovely first born and only daughter. My sweet, lovely first born child and only daughter is at “that age”, and parents, I know you know what I am talking about! That age where hormones go flying, your child becomes someone you don’t know and things are a bit testing at times. It’s an age of changes across the board …. friendships, relationships, body image, hormones and much more!

MY Awesome Daughter

What I had hoped would happen but didn’t really expect to happen during this age of changes, keeps happening!

The other day I had an “I done good” moment with my daughter.

It went something like this ….

Daughter says, “So my friend {name left out for privacy} the other day was sitting at a table with a bunch of kids I know don’t like me. She told me she was clenched fist mad because they kept talking about me. She said she kept telling them not to talk about her friend like that and she was so angry with them.”

I reply, “oh wow, so she gets really upset when people talk about about you, huh? I suppose your friend {again name left out for privacy} was just trying to stand up for you because she sees you as a great person, right?”

Daughter says, “I guess so but she really needs to stop. I told her that I already knew that group she was sitting with doesn’t really like me, I don’t care that they don’t like me, it doesn’t bother me one bit. If they don’t like me, that is their choice and I am okay with that.”

I reply, “huh. Well guess I taught you well. I am happy to see you are this confident. I love you.”

Honestly, I wasn’t quite sure what to say because at that moment, my daughter sounded exactly like I have sounded all of these years raising her. I have often told my daughter, who gets upset if her Dad {or anyone} talks badly about me, that “I don’t care what anyone, including your Dad thinks of me or says about me. Anyone who knows me will realize the lies others say about me are untrue. Those who don’t know me and wish to judge me based on what others say are not worth my time nor my energy.  No matter what mean things people say, it doesn’t change who I am in my heart. I am who I am and I am awesome, others can make a choice to love me, like me or hate me. I cannot control how others judge me.”

I lived my life in such a confident way that it has allowed my children, specifically my oldest & only daughter, to see and understand that others cannot break us, others are not able to allow us to feel anything unless we let them. I have lived in such a way that is now showing it’s true colors through my daughter. She has seen me overcome so many hurdles, she watches me respond and interact with other adults in a way that encourages a positive mindset and high self esteem.

I couldn’t have been more jaw dropped proud in that moment hearing my daughter sound just like me and I can only hope she continues on this positive path of loving who she is.

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30 comments

  1. brett (32 comments) says:

    argh. the mean girls thing. starts younger and younger, huh? we had mean girl stuff in FIRST Grade in our school. :( i work hard to give my kids the same messages!

  2. Kita (2 comments) says:

    You did great. Mean kids start young my son is 7 and they are mean to him I have to stop short of telling him to give them a dose of their own medicine.

  3. Kenda Smith (5 comments) says:

    My goodness, what a grown up way to look at things! I know women our age who wouldn’t handle that situation half as well. Well done, mom AND well done to your daughter as well. She’s got a great head on her shoulders!

  4. Jaime (13 comments) says:

    You’re doing a great job. I hope every day that I can teach my son to be a good person. He’s only 2, so time will tell.

    • Brandy (1760 comments) says:

      I know, right, Liz?! I was so lacking in self confidence and super sensitive at her age of 11… she’s beyond her years. Her late Papa said the same about her, that she is so beyond her years in comprehensive of life and the world!

  5. Jennifer @TheRebelChick (12 comments) says:

    Okay, here’s my thought on this, Brandy. I think your daughter was absolutely right in saying that she doesn’t care how they feel about her and that no one needs to defend her…BUT I think her friend was also completely right in standing up for her. We would have A LOT less bullying in this world if more people stood up for others like that. :)

    • Brandy (1760 comments) says:

      I do agree Jenn for sure! I did inform my daughter that it’s great to have a friend that will stick up for her and to not get upset at her friend for simply standing firm for her bestie. At the same time, the other children were minding their own business, at their own table, my daughter wasn’t anywhere near them. She did happen to glance and see her friend was sitting with this group of kids who don’t like her, but they never “bullied” her. To me, bullying is if they were saying stuff to my daughter and/or threatening her, etc. At no point was my daughter part of the conversation that happened at the table. I do want my kids to realize that some people just won’t like other people and that’s okay. We don’t, even as adults, always like everyone BUT we do need to be polite & respectful to them. So this wasn’t a case of bullying by any means, simply a table of children who don’t like a particular person who were talking amongst themselves and my daughter’s friend happens to be friends with them so she was sitting with them but maintaining firm that she is Ki’s friend no matter what they say about her. My daughter, on the other hand, has witnessed bullying and has been the one standing up for the children who are not as confident as she is. Thankfully, no one approaches my daughter in that fashion, it’s like a group of gossipy girls at a table chatting it up privately. If Ki’s friend had not even sat there then my daughter wouldn’t even have known this group (who she knows don’t like her) were chatting it up about her, so to me that isn’t bullying. Not sure if you were citing this as a bullying situation or not, I didn’t think you were, just explaining my other side of it and how I don’t feel this plays into the bullying aspect of life.

  6. roseys (1 comments) says:

    I think it’s wonderful that she’s so confident. I build my baby girl up too, always, but she’s 14, almost 15, and peer opinion is meaning way too much to her right now. :(

  7. Chrishelle (3 comments) says:

    Good for you Jenn. I have two teen daughters who are beautiful and confident. Sometimes that translates to snobby and snotty. We live in a small town and the girls can be brutal. My two have a “I really don’t give a crap what you think attitude.” They know who they are and could care less how the gossip mill spins things. We as moms need to foster this attitude in our girls. Good job,

  8. Eliz Frank (14 comments) says:

    You did great and your daughter’s wisdom mirrors yours… Sooner or later we become our moms and our children become versions of us.

  9. Alissa (4 comments) says:

    It’s so neat to see our little ones grow into themselves, isn’t it? She has great self-confidence– and it sounds like she has a great friend by her side, too!

  10. Jamie (40 comments) says:

    Wow, she sounds like me! I was and am the same way, I hope I can raise my kids to stand up for themselves and let things roll right off their backs!

  11. Kecia (18 comments) says:

    Wow, you are doing a great job as her mama! So many young girls are affected by how others think and talk, it’s good to see she doesn’t let anyone tear her down!

  12. Amanda Love (7 comments) says:

    You really did good! Great job in raising such a mature and beautiful daughter. That feeling is so great when you realize your daughter is the daughter you’ve envisioned her to be.

  13. Paige (15 comments) says:

    That’s such a great story! I’m glad that she doesn’t get bothered if kids don’t always like her! the truth is, not everyone will like you all of the time. No reason to get upset about it.

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