When Certain Things are Out of your Control

I lead a very happy life, there is a lot of situations that occur and I just shake my head, realize I can’t control it and to just roll with the punches. The area that truly sucks for me, as a mother, that I have zero control over is getting a psychiatrist to realize what the counselor and my own self realize about my middle child. We have gone through so much with Aj, he is such a bright sweet caring compassionate child but he suffers from something that is, also, out of his control. This something is called a mood disorder that is reminiscent of bipolar disorder, not fun at all.

Seven Year old Son Proud of his PizzaWith getting a diagnosis of ADHD and then finally the pysch realized he has a mood disorder, Aj has tested out a variety of medications for the past few years. As of January 20th, the current psychiatrist has had him on no medications. I will say I have been having fun observing my child but right now is time for some medication plan to be in effect, but the psychiatrist is not calling me back. I have left three messages as of February 10th to this woman, who by the way is a “fellow” in a fellowship, not an actual full time pediatric psychiatrist which is frustrating in itself. There are many things I have noted with my son that just made me realize he does need medication, sadly, my sons condition is not something I, nor he, can control.

As a way to journal my experiences with Aj no longer on medications, I wanted to write a blog post, so that anyone out there dealing with a special needs child can know they are not alone and maybe there are some who can lend me more tips on coping and relieving the tension that comes from parenting a child who has special needs.

Week One – January 20th Starts No Medication

Aj gets a bug going around, not sure what virus it is but the rest of us (aside from my fiance) ended up with strep. Aj happened to get on antibiotics due to fluid leaking from his ears, two days before the rest of us got diagnosed with strep throat. Aj spent time missing school and sleeping 13-14 hours at a time. This was a decent week, no real situations to report because he was sick so that meant he was pretty laid back and easy going.

Week Two – No medications and No Sickies

There were some days of no school due to the scheduling of our school administration unit so Aj wasn’t having too many demands placed on him just yet. Aj did okay and seemed to really only have adverse moods that were ignited by something not going “as he had planned it go to”. One thing about Aj is that he is an extremely, over the top, routine driven child. Everything in Aj’s world must go exactly the same way every day or as he has it planned to go in his mind, if one thing doesn’t go that route, even if he is given enough insight that things are going to happen this way, he just cannot handle it and is thrown into a fit of frustration, anger, or tears. The response of Aj used to be of pure rage but these days you can see anything from a 2 year old style tantrum on the floor to running off to cry in his bedroom or a secluded area of the home when frustrated. This particular week, myself and his father at his home really saw the side of Aj that doesn’t do well with things not going as he planned.

iGami Cheap FunWeek Three – No Medications and Hello Bipolar

This week was rough, not only were we seeing Aj exhibit his normal frustrations with things not going as he had planned in his mind but his mood disorder really started to shine through. This made me sad, disappointed and just so out of control of my own child. I am blessed to have worked and currently work with an amazing counselor who has given us the tools to parent Aj, not to mention I am really good with instinctively parenting my children. One thing that I was reminded of this week is that I have to remain in control of my tone, Aj is sensitive to what tone you use. I am not kidding. It is extremely bad, for example if you say “what” to him when he says your name and that “what” wasn’t in an approved tone type of Aj he will not say what he has to say until you get the tone right. I played that game until I realized there was no way my tone would be approved by Aj this week, he simply was beyond irritable and there was no getting him to act normal. I use the term normal lightly. Most of this week Three and the weekend was spent trying to keep my own frustration down while still ensuring rules were followed with the up and down moods of my son. This week was not only rough, but more so a nightmare that spiraled downward.

Week Four – No Medications and Trying to Reach Pyshiatrist

As I write this, we are now in week four which is this current week we are in. I cannot give much of an update because it’s only Monday that I am writing to schedule this for later publication on site. I can say this; I left a voice-mail for his current pysch and left a message for his upcoming new pysch. The new pysch called me back as of the time I am writing this and has penciled Aj in for an earlier appointment, earlier as in 20 days before the one they had previously schedule his new patient visit for. That’s 20 less days of watching my son fall apart uncontrollably, it’s better than nothing.

A mother and her two sonsMy Wish for Aj and His World He Lives In

I wish for more people to have compassion for bipolar people. Sadly I see far too often that many tell me “well it’s just behavioral, you aren’t strict enough” or “he doesn’t need medication, he needs a firm slap on the butt”. I mean, seriously, I am so sick of everyone who doesn’t live this telling me what to do. I don’t mind those who deal with similar instances who want to lend me tips on how they survive parenting a child like this; one who has anxiety, a mood disorder and some ways that fall under the autism spectrum. I am not talking to other people, sharing stuff on Facebook or on my blog post to have people give me answers or tell me how to parent, I am sharing because this is my community that I reach out to for support, advice and love. I do that for others and only expect that in return. I hope that Aj can get moving forward soon, before it messes with his schooling, right now I am simply thankful that the situation is not affecting Aj’s grades. I just hope he doesn’t have to suffer for much longer and can get on proper medication to lead his happy life that he had many years ago when they placed him on a drug that worked awesome but sadly made him gain too much weight so it’s not an option for him to take that anymore for health reasons.

I just want my son live … freely, happily and steadily.


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  1. 20 days early is better than nothing, and hurrah for it!! Wishing you well on getting him back to the right meds. I know it’s hard when anything at all is causing a challenge for our children, I know it must be even harder when you know what could make it better, but you can’t get that help.

  2. {{{HUGS}}} Brandy – I can’t even begin to imagine spending a day in your shoes. It’s a tough road for any mama to go down no matter the medical issues when others keep telling you how to do things, but in the case of special needs that much harder because the other person truly does not know what it’s like to be you 24/7. Hoping that the new psychiatrist can get a full picture of what AJ needs and you all can be happy and healthy with the prognosis and implementation of said regimen.

  3. Your son is very blessed to have an engaged parent like you. I know others may struggle to understand what you and your family are going through, don’t listen to them and keep doing what your’re doing.

  4. I hope the new psych can get AJ back on the right meds so he can be more in control of himself. I am sure it is hard for you to deal with, and watch him behave this way. But, you are doing a great job parenting, especially with the log you are keeping.

  5. I love your heart for your kids! Although we love to feel like we’re in control (and I always struggle with this) we’re not and our kids are in good hands and it sounds like there are great plans for managing his health needs. Praying for you during this time of the unknown.

  6. Sorry you’re having to deal with all this, and that Aj has to deal with all this! Hopefully he can get onto proper medications and a system that works best for him so he can live life to the fullest!

  7. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with judgmental people. The fact is, bipolar disorder and other disorders are REAL and require help, and you shouldn’t have to be fighting so hard to get your child the help he needs. Hang in there and keep fighting mom; YOU know what’s best!

  8. hopefully you’ll have a call back over the weekend and get him on his meds. if not, i’d be calling someone else in the practice and asking for some answers stat.

  9. There are so many different meds out there that can truly help…it’s just finding the right one and the right dosage. You’re a great mom! Everyone wants the best for the kids and the life that they’ll make on their own.

  10. I seriously can feel how much you love him, and I think he is very blessed to have that. I truly hope and pray things will get better.

  11. I hope that little AJ is able to get the help that he needs. My sister is full-on bipolar (with no meds) and it does take some patience and understanding from people. I know that it must be very difficult for you to watch your son try to navigate his feelings, but you are doing a great job of being his advocate. Thank you for sharing your story – and keep documenting!

  12. Hope you guys figure out the right treatment. I know for myself, it took 6 months to come up wit the right dosage. While things go better, they still weren’t great. Patience comes in handy, but hard to find sometimes.

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