How Long Before You Should Marry, or Know you Should Marry?

Most of my life I was set on the two year mark being that when you can decide if you really, truly should marry someone. Based on all of my readings on relationships and various documentaries, it clearly states that you have the first year to get to know each other and the next year to see if the two “real” versions of yourself work together. So one day, having found out that my best friend was engaged on her one year anniversary, I asked her “how long should someone wait before they get married?”, her reply resonated with me and made perfect sense. That got me thinking and so that is where this post came from inside of my writers brain.

love

For starters, you cannot place a time frame on true love. Next, we are no longer teenagers, love is real to us, unless we are super messed up emotionally and looking for the wrong type of love or love in the wrong ways. Reference my post from yesterday, looking for love through physical contact is not going to allow you to find ever lasting love. Not one bit.

As my best friend stated, but not in these exact words, there comes a time in your life where you have already been through so much. We both already have children, we both have struggled to be a single mom {her longer than I} and we have challenges with our children that keep us from really being able to find that perfect-for-us match. I agree with Dwan, that once you reach the age her and I are at that you just know. It’s this feeling, not through the ways of lust, that makes your brain and heart collide and realize THIS PERSON IS THE ONE.

One year ago on December 28th, I met a man for coffee. Seeing his profile on Match.com and having only paid for a month of membership, I knew that I wasn’t going to settle and waste the money spent for that membership but I also wasn’t going to rush into searching and searching for someone. This man’s profile kept coming up as a recommendation or what not. I ignored it, after all he lived in Claremont and one of my rules through out my whole life is that I will not date someone from Claremont, amongst a couple other NH towns too. I just couldn’t get over that image of him holding a guitar and smiling. It stuck with me and finally something gave in, I had to message him.

We met on December 28th for a cup of coffee, he likes it black by the way and I love it with Hazelnut Creamer and a couple sugars. From that day forward we didn’t spend one day apart unless we had to due to our children. On New Years Eve of last year, we had our children meet for the first time. It was a united family from that day on.  The kids meeting is what solidified mine and Lee’s love for each other. We knew from that first cup of coffee that we never wanted to part ways again. We knew from the day our children met and having them hit it off great, that we would never want to be apart again.

Now, here we are in a home we purchased this year. Dealing with a lot of drama from people who wish ill upon our happiness, you know those kind of people who are not happy with their own inner self so feel no one else can be happy?! And yet, we don’t falter. Our love is stronger than ever and each day it only grows stronger, I’ve never felt a love like this, neither has he. It’s so complete and so fulfilling. Our love is based on something real, within us, that we cannot seem to control. A real relationship, finally, we both deserve it so much. I have always been a train wreck when it comes to choosing my partner, while I can say my ex husband and I didn’t work out, I still love my ex husband as a co-parent and friend. Lee knows this and it honestly amazes him how well my ex husband and I get along, it doesn’t bother him one bit.

While I cannot tell you personally how long to wait for marriage, I can tell you this; knowing if you are ready has nothing to do with anyone else around you, if you have children sure they play a role in it because you don’t want to disrupt their lives too early with a new step parent, but at the same time; children do not control the outcome of their parent’s love for another human being. When choosing a date or time to marry that love of your life, just don’t rush, if you two feel that love 100% completely then it can wait if external situations call for it, but don’t wait just because so-and -o doesn’t want you happy. Those who don’t want you happy are broken within themselves and that’s nothing you can control.

Love with all of your mind, heart and soul. If you feel complete with another, latch on and never look back. Marriage? Well that depends on one thing; You and your Partner, only you two know when is right.

 

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One comment

  1. Rosey (903 comments) says:

    We have good friends who met online, I think it was e-Harmony though, and they’re married and had a little guy (he’s almost 7 now). They are SOOO perfect for each other, just a nice family, and nice story.

    It’s wonderful to celebrate the holidays with your big family now, I’m sure of it!! Outside forces be darned. I’m happy you’re happy, it shows in your posts. :)

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