A Little Peek at my Poetry
I have a compliation of poems I have written over the years and they are…
Today my heart broke yet again. Watching my seven year old son struggle through life while being on the wrong medication. The medication that worked the best for our son was risking his health. Aj had to be removed from one medication because he gained far too much weight and it was time to change, even though the medication was helping a lot and an increase in dose wouldn’t have capped him at the limit, it would have enabled him to gain more weight and in turn create health risks.
Sadly that is the case with our seven year old son, he is constantly out growing his medication. Aj metabolizes medication in such a quick way, doesn’t matter what it is. As a baby, he had severe ear infections and antibiotics never touched them. It was ridiculous. Then there was medications to assist in helping Aj sleep, both natural and prescribed in the past five years, that would only work for a few days up to possibly a week time before he couldn’t sleep again.
Here we are today, with a son who has a mood disorder – nos and his medication is not proper. Capped out on the current medication there is no room to move and quite frankly this isn’t the right medication anyways. There are few other options for a child with a mood disorder – nos, at least as far as I’ve been told. The counselor mentioned a medication a couple of weeks ago and was going to discuss options with Aj’s psychiatrist – we shall see how that went.
In the meantime, I spent a good hour listening to my seven year old son cry and cry and cry. Aj has learned to express some of his feelings through words, but usually he expresses through rage and anger. Today was a day that after a rageful angry situation from him, I was able to talk in a calm voice and keep talking until he broke down in tears. Aj expressed that he is sick of not caring about anyone or anything, he hates that he cries all of the time, he hates feeling the way he is feeling. Sadly he has heard me say one too many times that his medication is wrong so he did mention that, but I think that’s more him repeating something I had said. All of the other feelings and concerns he was telling me as he balled his eyes out sitting on my lap, broke my heart. They were from his heart. He is struggling and it’s nothing he can control without proper medication.
Therapy only helps so far with a mood disorder – nos. Therapy aka counseling is a very important tool to utilize when one has a mood disorder – nos, but it needs to be combined with the proper medication. At this point I feel I am just watching my son slip away, back into the person he was before we ever even started down this path of figuring out what was up with him. I fear that if it’s not resolved soon Aj is going to keep going downhill and let me tell you what, I will be damned if I let my son struggle like this anymore. It has been about four months of a roller coaster ride of emotions and we cannot take it any longer; Aj hates it, I hate it, his Dad hates it, his siblings are moving further away from him. The youngest boy is starting to act like his brother, and it’s just so detrimental to the well being of our happy home and my kind hearted compassionate son.
I keep praying that the counselor can get through to the current psychiatrist, because we cannot see a new one until March of 2014. I do have an appointment scheduled but we have to wait …