When you get into a relationship, you are combining all of your prior experiences with relationships and their prior experiences, unless you are those rare few who were each others firsts. Having a real relationship is all about having communication, trust and respect for each other. If you are with someone who can communicate with you, who can understand you when you are trying to express things, it makes a relationship so much easier. Silly me, went into this relationship I am in now with this idea that once we purchased this home we would have this cute little blended family. How naive was I?
While things are amazing and we are nearing our first year together, living together is easier than had we moved into his place or my place; purchasing a family home that was all of ours made the transition into this blended family easier. I do believe. The reason is, his kids nor my kids didn’t move into the other kids space, it was all about creating a space together as a new family. My boyfriend’s children are here every other weekend while mine are here more often, as I am the residential parental unit for my three children. Our children all get along great and have their normal sibling stuff, his are older at ages 12 & 13 so having two boys who are 5 & 7 around certainly take a bit of getting used to, but Lee and I work together to keep communication open to try to teach his children that the way my sons are is normal. Healthy, young children, and while it can be frustrating, that is the joys of being an older sibling.
Lately there have been some stressers in our lives and it’s difficult for us to overcome them. In the past year we have gone through so many dramatic issues and even went a period of time, twice, not seeing his children due to just major issues I have never had to deal with because I co-parent with two men who share our children just fine. We don’t get into personal jabs, and we know that neither parent can control what happens at the other parents home. Two homes, two rules. Like it or not. My daughter’s Dad and my two son’s Dad are relatively easy to work with. That’s not to say there are no issues, there are some but it’s not with co-parenting per say. It never affects how we share our children, they are not property, they are not meal tickets and they never, ever get treated as such.
Between dealing with the co-parenting on my boyfriend’s end, dealing with getting financially on track after purchasing a home, and blending our family together in a way that allows all five to be treated at age level; our relationship is by far not easy. With that being said, we have gone through so many trials and tribulations in the past eleven months that we feel we have what it takes to make it long term. No one can forsee the future, but in our hearts we know that at the end of the night, when our children are fast asleep we give each other a hug. It’s our time together, we talk, we watch television, we just enjoy each others company. This time is important for us because my son has a mood disorder, then the other one is hyperactive and my daughter occasionally is hormonal; that’s a lot to deal with on a regular basis on top of the other financial things, dealing with his co-parenting issues that come up from time to time and just every day normal challenges most couples have.
Some how, after all is said and done we still can wrap our arms around each other and feel that connection, that feeling as if we are one together and never, ever can we stay mad at each other. We talk until we have resolved things, we are willing to accept that each of us have some issues that are internal and have zero to do with the other as a person, but more so about our prior experiences we may still be working through. When asked if he would marry me today, he can honestly without thinking say yes. I am not at yes yet, I know some day I want to marry him and I will, but I feel I need a couple years together to really know for sure if we can last to end of time.
Getting married a second time is something I take very seriously, but the discussion is there and maybe next year it will happen. For now, we are so busy trying to breath from finances and raising children that adding another task to that is just insane. For now, we are just so thankful that we have each other, that we have our children who all get along great and that we have our home we purchased for our family unit.
Relationships are not always easy, we have heated debates when one feels one way and the other feels the other way; but it’s healthy debates, we are not mean, we don’t yell at each other and we resolve it amicably. I am thankful for that, haven’t had good two way communication in a relationship ever that I can remember. I am thankful today for the hard work of Lee and I, working together to remember that our external issues have nothing to do with our love for each other. You cannot let external issues/challenges break the love you have for that special man or woman in your life.