We Were Warned of These Times … The Tween Years

My daughter and I read a story out of our most current Chicken Soup for the Soul book each night and while we were reading Chicken Soup for the Soul The Magic of Mothers & Daughter we were forewarned of times to come with stories during this time of change with girls. I knew the time would come, whether or not it would be as extreme as the stories within this book were or not, that was the only question. My daughter honestly said that would not happen because of our bond and how close we are, but hormones have a mind of their own and that my friends is the times I am currently going through. Living with the changes of hormones in my daughter that also messes with my hormones which in turn wrecks havoc upon the home at times.

IMG_20130406_134648My family is very close knit, we are a positive happy go lucky bunch of people but when you put those hormone changes into effect, things don’t run as smoothly as they normally would. Mother Nature is cruel in that she thought it would be great to allow females who are close or reside together to sync up with hormone changes which only makes the mother/daughter bond harder to keep strong. While my daughter and I are still super close and she can speak out as she deems fit with her opinions or stuff going on, with the hormones at place her attitude or the way she goes about expressing said feelings, opinions or what not is not always the most appropriate, friendly way. Think about when you have that time of the month, while my daughter isn’t “there” yet, her hormones are changing and she has all of the symptoms us females get with that time of the month. Are you less susceptible to reasonable demands? Are you capable of flying off the handle more often than not? Do you seem like no one gets you or that nothing gets done the way you want? Consider all of those feelings you have when you are hormonal and place those within a young child, age 10. Can you imagine what this child is going through?

I cannot imagine being so young and dealing with the changes your mind, body and soul take on at this age. It’s insane. I have issues handling it and I am 31 years old. It’s no fun and it means, as a parent, you must step up that compassionate side more often than not. I have a lot of patience with children, especially my own. I am loving, nurturing and a total MOMMY type personality but when I have my “nonfriend of the month” heading this way, I tend to be less reasonable and can be more agitated quickly. This isn’t a good mix when your child is also having those same changes during the same time frame you are. It is only a recipe for disaster. This is a situation everyone can survive from but it’s taking a lot of hard work, focus and determination to make it through in a positive way on my end.

Mother Daughter TimeIt seems that when a female, no matter her age, is having hormone changes that the most normal of replies to their requests or issues no longer make sense. All of a sudden you are the bad guy, you do not “get” them and never would you understand. You are mean. You are rotten. And clearly you are out to get this child. I understand it. I get it. I feel the same way each month, again at age 31 years, so I do get where my child is coming from, but at the same time I am learning how to deal with this part of her life. It’s all new. This is truly a sample of why I always say, “parenting is something you learn to do each day of your life”. Parenting a child is never the same day to day, there will always be a situation or life change that happens making it a whole new learning experience on how to move forward in a positive direction while hanging onto your bond and family unit.

While I expected this time to come, I wasn’t nearly as prepared as I had thought. It breaks my heart some days when I have to take away my daughter’s laptop time because of her tone and usage of attitude behind how she says things or handles things. It breaks my heart to have to send her to room for chill out time in order to keep the chaos of hormones raging at bay. It breaks my heart to have to now enforce such consequences that were always there but very rarely had to been utilized. Once I get past the heart break and come back down to the real world, I realize that I am still teaching my daughter what is expected from her as an individual person and that even society or a work place will not put up with such attitude no matter what. I would rather her learn under my roof with a mom who loves her no matter what than to have everything catered to her current mood and have to learn once she is an adult in the real world with people who do not love her unconditionally.

It’s a new chapter in many ways here at my household, but I am confident they will lead to a positive place … eventually!

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