For those who are friends with me on Facebook, they saw a sad down and out Brandy, much unlike that of what I normally am. Many were concerned, many had no clue what was up, while others assumed I was just having a normal female crying day. That was not the case. I was grieving, over a man I knew for about 12 years. While this man is not my direct family, he is not blood related, he is blood related to my oldest child. She lost her Papa this past weekend and I took it harder than I think even she did. I cried all night when I found out and well into the next day. I could not stop crying. Each time I got a hug from my boyfriend, I cried more. Each time I got on the phone with my oldest’s Dad, I cried. When I picked up my daughter Monday night, I gave her Dad a big hug and I cried again. I just could not seem to stop crying.
Papa was a man who I referred to as Papa since the day my oldest’s Dad and I broke up, going on around 10 years now. My sons called this man Papa and that was just his name to us. Papa was a man who I was very scared of the first time I met him, he seemed so rough around the edges and he was that parent who you knew better than to mess with. He flat out scared the crap out of me, but then, as I became a Mom to his grandchild he softened up. Papa became a man I could make smile and heck even sometimes laugh. He seemed to be happy, all the while sick as he had been sick for all the years I knew him.
Papa was an amazing man and while he was not my Dad, nor my Papa, he was a big part of my daughter’s life and even my sons knew him. Papa passed away and it was the first time since I can remember that someone passed who was a direct part of my world on an almost daily basis, even if Papa was not in my life directly, he was the home my daughter went to when she was with her Dad. Papa was a huge part of her world and she loved him dearly.
For some reason, my daughter is certainly accepting of her Papa passing, maybe because she has watched him be sick and so on, maybe because there were other scares these past couple years when they thought he would pass but he did not. Whatever the reason, it seems I had to cry my eyes out for a day and a half to accept his passing while my daughter simply wanted some alone time to pout but not cry and simply remember the awesome things she had with her Papa. The great things Papa did for her and with her. My daughter did what I would tell anyone else to do, focus on the memories, those happy memories because those will forever be there to cherish.
Papa was a great man. I seriously will miss seeing those occasional moments I made him smirk or smile, those times the kids did something to make him look happy that even my sons called him Papa. I hope I am done crying now, and I hope he rests in peace. Papa is in a great place now, where he no longer has to live in pain or sickness, he is smiling down upon his family – I am sure of it and hoping they all continue on in a life of their own while remembering every moment they had with him during his life on Earth.
Rest in peace Papa. You were and are very loved.